Meankitty.com

While simplicity and spelling errors have their place on the feline internet, if you long for something more substantial… If you know in your heart of hearts that kitties are not sweet or kind or cuddly…

This is the place for an in-depth revelation of kitty antics that are *not* so cute, the place where the real face of kitty is revealed. This is…

Meankitty.com. We’re happy to flea you. I mean, see you. Kitties do like their fresh meat.

Name: Chicken
Location: Right Outside Your Door

Look me in the eye…make eye contact…I dare ya.

What makes Chicken so mean?

This is my friend’s cat Chicken. Chicken makes all the other mean kitties look like little angels. You do NOT want to be alone in a house with this cat, and I’d like to tell you about the one time I was in this unfortunate situation.

I was staying at my friend’s house while I was on vacation. My friend went to work and left me home with the cat. No big deal, right? Wrong. For whatever reason, Chicken did NOT want me in her house. My friend wasn’t 30 seconds out the door and I heard this rumbling noise. At first I thought it might be thunder, but then I realized it was coming from somewhere in the house. Yes, it was Chicken, but I couldn’t see her. I could only hear the intense growling getting louder and louder. I became frightened and started to go up the stairs toward the bedroom where I had my things.

As I was at the top of the stairs, I looked down and there was Chicken! It was like a slow motion scene from a movie. I swear to you this cat’s eyes started to glow a deep red and its ears looked like the horns of the devil. Seeing this come at me in slow motion, I ran as fast as I could into the bedroom and slammed the door. Just as the door shut I heard a huge bang! Chicken hit the door mid flight! Mind you, Chicken is NOT a small cat. She’s a 20-pound killing machine! Anyway, she stayed outside the door, pounding to get in, and the rumbling continued all day. When my friend came home from work, she found me curled up in a corner of the bedroom fearing for my life. She looked at the cat in disbelief, who was then sitting there looking sweet as can be.

If you happen to run into this cat, perhaps in another lifetime, know that you have been warned. Another thing…don’t make eye contact.

Submitted by: Mandy G.

Name: Chica
Location: Unknown

This is me, displaying my wire-cutters. Do you know how many new appliances I’ve forced them to buy?? it’s hilarious!

What makes Chica so mean?

This is my cat Chica who is rather… ‘large’. She is mean because she’ll attack anything that moves. That’s not strictly true, but she does enjoy playing with wires. She doesn’t stop eating unless you physically take the food away from her and isn’t particularly liked by other cats. She’s the boss in our house.

Submitted by: Tim

Name: Cheeto
Location: Ft. Worth, TX

Yes, I particularly like the “acting like my slave beats me” maneuver. If only you could hear what they say when you leave the room! Heheheh!

What makes Cheeto so mean?

Cheeto is quite the clever one. First she tricked me into adopting her by making me feel sorry for her. Her tail looked mismatched to the rest of her body, and she was whimpering and acting all pathetic. As soon as I got her home, she commenced “Operation Touch-Me-Not”. You have to sneak up on her to even get close enough to touch her, though when you are sleeping, she has no qualms about stepping all over your face or kneading you in the jugular.

In addition to her supreme theatrical capabilities, she also slaps the fish, drinks its water, argues back and forth with me when I tell her “no”, and has been known to play dead until I get scared and then she laughs and runs away. She has perforated every scrap of paper in the house with her saberteeth. She will sit and stare at you when you call her name and take one step back for every one you take toward her. She is rarely congenial to guests, except when hopping away from me and acting like I beat her with a stick. She will not sleep in my bed unless she knows she is making me uncomfortable, though this doesn’t happen very often, as she usually sleeps in the fruit bowl (not used for fruit anymore) or the bathroom sink. She has many other quirks and an insatiable urge to break things, but I love her anyway. What a turd.

Submitted by: Kimmy

Name: Chaos
Location: LA

I was doing you a favor. You just don’t realize what was living INSIDE that chair I pooped on.

What makes Chaos so mean?

Chaos was named because of her habit as a kitten of diving off chairs and sliding across the hardwood floor. Oddly, things were always disrupted when she came into a room, and many times someone spilled their drink or she jumped into their lap and dug her claws into their leg so they couldn’t pull her off.

As she has gotten older, she prods my arm with her head when I’m at the computer so I can’t type and bites my toes if I’m not paying attention to her.

She likes to play rough and loves it when you rub her hard all over. She will flop over when she’s being petted, rolling over on her back with her legs in the air, then grab the person’s hand with all four paws and bite them!

She opens doors and bangs them around at night. She runs from one room to the next in a big circle. She stands on her back legs and scratches the walls. She’s made mincemeat out of our couches. My roommate had to throw out his chair because meankitty Chaos pooped on it. Twice.

Chaos hates other cats and has attacked them in the yard and once when we were cat sitting for a friend. We had to lock the guest kitty in a single room so Chaos couldn’t get to him and kick his butt again.

Submitted by: Wes

Name: Chanel
Location: In the Way in the UK

Yeah…the slaves are on keyboard number 23 thanks to my clever hair shedding! Isn’t it funny to ruin their stuff?

What makes Chanel so mean?

Aside from having an eminently unsuitable girls name, he is possessed of a disturbing desire to kill wildlife en masse. He is also the messiest cat in existence, seemingly doubling as a broom for a neighbour when we’re not around. He is also given to sleeping in the way of stuff, like in this picture where I would have to keep lifting a paw to use A, S or D, or risk a telling off.

Submitted by: Andrew

Name: Sadie (3)
Location: Kansas City, MO

Yeah, I like a rockin’ 2 am – 5 am pee party…what of it?

What makes Sadie so mean?

She looks pretty adorable. But she’s evil.

Sadie is a small kitty, about 6 lbs. She’s stumpy and adorable, her cuteness masks the inner-meanie. Don’t think about approaching her, she will run. Sadie is very particular about her litter box, and if it’s not up to her standards, she pees on my things. When I go out of town, upon returning she immediately pees on my things. If I have company, or if my other cat upsets her, she pees on my things. Those things include, but not limited to – my bed, rugs, laundry, sofa, shoes, etc.

Sadie likes to party between the hours of 2am-5am. She’s very vocal about the good time she’s having. She particularly enjoys meowing as loud as she can while standing on my chest as I sleep. I wake to overturned trash cans with the contents tossed about.

Today I turned my back for 3 minutes to cut up some food, I turned back around to find Sadie and my other cat eating my bowl of steamed peas. A couple months ago, Sadie stole all the meat off my sandwich while I was in the bathroom, leaving the rest on the floor.

As I sit here typing this, she’s sitting next to me with one paw on my leg. That’s about as friendly as she gets. She sure is cute though.

Submitted by: Kelley A.

Name: Tess
Location: ??

Hm, are there any voles in here?

What makes Tess so mean?

I got Tess for Christmas in ’01. My husband saved her life also (see Trooper for other cat saved). He bought her at a (ugh!) pet store. She had pneumonia; the vet said she would have been dead in a few days if we hadn’t gotten her. All her whiskers had fallen off due to her long fever.

Now healthy and grown, she walks right up to our German Shepherd and attacks her face, a full kitty hug. Whenever I strip the bed, she has to jump right in the middle and is so stubborn I’ve often had to make the bed around her. For some reason she won’t drink water out of her bowl…she waits until we get out of the shower and jumps in to drink out of the drain, or demands that we cup our hands and give it to her right then. She is so smart she opens every door in the house, but she is never content to just crack them. She insists on pushing them till they are open ALL the way.

A closed door is a potential party hidden away from me. Can’t have that!

Our other cat is an outdoor cat and one day on our walk, he brought her a still living vole to “play with.” She grabbed it and proceeded to carry it around, growling like a tiger, even though it kept biting her so she would drop it. It would stagger a few feet and then she would pounce again. She hides on the window sill and if you move she will attack you through the blinds. We have to be careful walking by a window with the blinds closed…you never know if a cat claw will come shooting out at you.

Submitted by: Stephanie

Name: Trooper
Location: ??

Hey, female…can’t you see it’s boy’s night in? You women get lost.

What makes Trooper so mean?

When I got married I only had Trooper. He hated my husband and ended up biting him. There were some rough times in the house while my hubby recovered from the blood poisoning (to this day he swears Trooper has some kind of kitty venom). After a while, Trooper somehow broke his leg on night out carousing, and I think he realized that Baron (husband) saved his hide by taking him to the vet and getting him fixed up.

During his recovery he was house bound for 4 months, and they bonded. Trooper has totally abandoned me for the “other man” of the house. He walks right up to the girl cat Tess, kisses her a couple of times, and then bites her on the neck! [Trooper's note: I'm just copying what Baron does...] If he sees that she is under a blanket he will walk over and sit on her while pretending that he never knew she was there.

Submitted by: Stephanie

Name: Trotsky
Location: Oak Park, IL

Better not let THIS cat outta the bag! I’ll go psycho mode on your butt!

What makes Trotsky so mean?

Trotsky deceived us from the beginning when we picked him up at the Anti-Cruelty Society. He was both skinny and lovable and we thought he’d be the perfect companion to our 9 month old kitten at home. Unfortunately he was anything but. I’ll never forget the look our other cat Faust gave me when we opened the cat carrier and Trotsky stepped out. Faust sat at the back of the long hallway and looked directly in my eye as if to say: “How could you.”

Trotsky began his stay with us calmly enough, spending the first few days in a bathroom cupboard, but after a while he settled in and took over. We lived on the top floor of a three-flat in Chicago with my brother and his wife whom Trotsky developed a special hatred for. He would sit on the second floor landing and wait for her to come home, refusing to move as she and her 90 pound Golden Retriever would come up the stairs. Trotsky would rear up and snort if they tried to get too close, and she would have to scream for me to get him, which I would do, holding him gingerly at arm’s length while he hissed and flailed away.

When we bought our own house Trotsky would take special glee in terrorizing neighborhood cats. He would lie on our front porch in the early evening and just wait. If a cat was foolish enough to investigate our house, Trotsky would start a low guttural howl to warn the foolish intruder after it passed some imaginary line in our yard. If the errant cat continued to approach then Trotsky would begin to lather himself into psycho mode. If this first-time visitor (there were no second-time feline guests) continued his advance, Trotsky would lunge and the two would transform into a screaming, hissing ball that would roll and bounce across the front yard. The noise would bring me running with a broom that I kept near the front door for just such occasions which I would use to pry the two apart. I’d have to shove Trotsky back to our house with the broom, for I dared not pick him up. He’d sit in the living room breathing hard and snorting as he would slowly cool himself down, our other cats looking on in amazement from the relative safety of the hallway.

Alas Trotsky is no more, but his ashes sit on our windowsill as a reminder to our household to not get of line.

Submitted by: Mike B.

Name: Trotsky (2)
Location: Near a hospital

I wouldn’t have to fight so many other cats if they didn’t make fun of my ears!

What makes Trotsky so mean?

Trotsky could be one of the meanest Meankitties around. From the day he was allowed into the big bad world he was trouble. On average, once a week he would come home with scratches on his belly and bite marks on his neck. Every time he would have to be taken to the vet to have the abscesses lanced. He quickly developed an intense hatred of the vet and even now has to be sedated to unconsciousness before he can be taken out his carrier.

Trotsky had always been an anxious little guy and never very affectionate; being picked up is out of the question. His idea of fun is to attack any part of your body he can reach, so it’s not a good idea to get your face close. After 6 months of suffering constant trips to the vet, it was decided that Prozac might be a way of calming him down. Reluctantly I agreed and magically for 2 months it seemed to work, no fighting. But then it started again.

One day I heard his hissing and growling outside my apartment and thought I’d intervene before he needed another trip to the vet. Stupid mistake. As I pulled him off the other cat, he sunk his teeth into the back of my hands. Within 20 minutes both my hands had blown up like balloons. Within a week I was in hospital having surgery on my left hand to flush out puss from an infection that had taken hold around the knuckle of the index finger. That was the beginning of a very, very long 4 week stint in the hospital and the first of 4 operations on that hand. And Trotsky? He had to have another abscess lanced. To this day I have the constant reminder of the whole fiasco–my index finger is permanently crippled.

Interestingly, when I got home from the hospital at 4pm, by 5pm he was covered in blood, bites and scratches. He hadn’t been in a single fight while I was away. It was decided for his own safety and the safety of others he would, from now on, be an indoor cat.

You would think this would have solved everything, wouldn’t you?? Not so. Now he sprays everywhere around the apartment to show how much he misses the abscesses. I can’t tell you how many times I have been driven to tears of frustration by this but I love him and, well, no one else would!

Says Meankitty: PROPS TO ONE OF THE MOST COMMITTED SLAVES EVER! GOOD JOB! (May your next cat be a not so meankitty!)

Submitted by: Adriana