Meankitty.com

While simplicity and spelling errors have their place on the feline internet, if you long for something more substantial… If you know in your heart of hearts that kitties are not sweet or kind or cuddly…

This is the place for an in-depth revelation of kitty antics that are *not* so cute, the place where the real face of kitty is revealed. This is…

Meankitty.com. We’re happy to flea you. I mean, see you. Kitties do like their fresh meat.

Name: Vincent
Location: Unknown

No, no, not the light, not the light! IT BURNS!

What makes Vincent so mean?

Vincent got his head crushed in the garage door and I guess it drove him insane with rage. He only takes a good picture sleeping. If you wake him up he’ll follow you around and slap you, staring you down until you finally hide from him. One time I was awoken late at night by a commotion of meows and hissing in my garage. Apparently a neighborhood cat had wandered in through our ground vent and Vincent had cornered him. The owner wasn’t happy but the kitty Vincent nearly murdered is thankful to still be alive but I guess he won’t go outside anymore and walks with a limp.

Vincent needs his own personal litterbox and gets absolutely furious if anyone goes near it when he’s in the same room. His front claws are removed and if he ever feels like clawing though he hugs you and uses the back claws, sort of mule kicking. Mostly though he bites really hard. I had to get a couple stitches in my finger after an incident. We don’t own Vincent, he owns us.

Photo submitted by: Darryl

Name: Waldo
Location: His Department

Whaddya mean, where's Waldo? I'm right here, ya ijjit!

What makes Waldo so mean?

Waldo is a mean kitty because he knocks stuff down, wakes me up too early, chews his sister’s whiskers, howls all the time, and just wrecks everything.

Photo submitted by: Elizabeth

Dear Meankitty,

Jojo is mean to Hoho and eats all of his food. I am worried that Hoho isn’t getting the proper nutrition. Should I shut Jojo in a room whenever I feed Hoho?

Signed,
Eat No Fat and Eat No Lean

***

Dear Eats,

Yes.

Signed,
Meankitty

Dear Meankitty,

Is there a reason why my cat chooses to attack my arm or face while I am sleeping? I won’t be moving and all of a sudden she jumps on the bed and attacks my arm and face and I wind up with bad punctures on my arms, thankfully not on my face. Then she just runs under the bed. Other than this, she’s a good cat…but it seems to happen once every few days and I’m scared she will try this on the upcoming baby! What do I do?

Signed,
Gelibeanr

***

Dear Gelibeanr,

It’s because you’re a sitting duck and duck tastes gooooood. Mmmm, duck.

Sincerely,
MK

PS: No advice on how to integrate cats & babies until the twain actually meet. Big D and I are exceptionally well-mannered with the small slaves. The food/door opening slave is usually subject to much more “loving attention” than a baby.

Dear Meankitty,

My kitten is five months old and whenever he uses the litter box, he does not cover up his poop. He simply scratches around the sides of the litter box leaving the poop completely exposed. Then he just walks out. What is wrong with my kitten and how can I help him?

Sincerely,
Frustrated Owner

***

Dear FO,

Nothing is wrong with your kitten! He thinks his poo smells like roses and wants to share it with you.

Sincerely,
Meankitty

Name: Bender
Location: Unknown

Oh, NICE! Foot for lunch!

What makes Bender so mean?

Bender is my cat’s name. I have had been owned by him less then a year. Got him from the pound when my dear cat AJ died.

After a hearty lunch of foot, I like a cool drink to top off.

Bender may look sweet to you, but believe me, he can be mean. In fact, he IS mean.

The pictures speak for themselves, I guess.

Submitted by: Charlene

Name: Bellatrix
Location: Florida

No, no, no, that sammitch is MINE, I tell you! MINE!

What makes Bellatrix so mean?

I’d like to introduce you to my new Persian kitten, Bellatrix. We call her Bella for short.

Bella’s life consists of bossing my older cat, Nigel, around. From the first day we got her, Bella realized that Nigel’s already skittish nature would allow her to dominate the house. Every time Nigel settles into one of his regular perches, Bella pounces on him and chases him out of his spot. And she doesn’t take the perch for herself–she just doesn’t want him there. She also rushes at Nigel like a lineman for no apparent reason; when he gets upset, she goes and rubs against him to make nice.

Bella takes liberties on anybody and everybody’s food. If someone’s eating a sandwich and puts it on the coffee table, Bella attempts to take the whole sandwich in her mouth and drag it to the couch. This has happened multiple times. She does this with any type of food in her reach, whether you’re sitting right in front of it or not.

This is me "not" scratching the furniture. Heh.

I can say one good thing for Bella–she doesn’t scratch the furniture (often). However, she likes using people’s arms, especially if they’re hairy, as her personal scratching post. She squeezes herself under the coffee table when she doesn’t want to be caught and scratches your hand if you place it under there.

Submitted by: GSW

Name: Bella (2)
Location: Unknown

I just removed a bunch of lunchmeat from this bag and sealed it in Tupperware, for later.

What makes Bella so mean?

Bella is a black cat to a tee. She’s wicked smart and mischievous, always leading the other cats in her plans. Last week we caught them all in the baby’s room…with some lunch meat, taken out of the deli wrap.

This is my artsy pose. It's called "Cat Dreaming of Lunchmeat".

She’s queen of the house. Bella likes to let you know when something is amiss in her world by wreaking havoc. With a casual flick of her tail, she breaks ornaments, spills glasses/jugs, climbs and snaps potted plants, and destroys anything and everything wrapped in paper or plastic. All while looking you in the eye.

Bella is an affectionate cat…as long as you let her initiate everything. She will purr, headbutt you, lie across your shoulder, lick your face (ew) but the second you try pet her, she’ll dig in her claws and bite your hand. Then start loving you again. She’s a twit.

Submitted by: Jake

Name: Alfie
Location: Newcastle Upon Tyne, UK

Now you see me...now you don't. Oh, wait, you probably do see me, but your eyes are blurred by tears of pain.

What makes Alfie so mean?

Alfie the Bengal came into our lives 2 years ago as an 8 month old because his previous human could not cope with his behavioural problems. Thinking she was exaggerating (although the fact that she gave her pedigreed kitten away complete with food, cat bed and toys should have been a clue) we took him back to our home.

It has never been the same since. He has destroyed calendars, ornaments, books, maps, plants, and a cooker guarantee. He likes to pull the wicks out of candles. He often attempts to break in to the fridge and the microwave, sometimes by pulling the kick boards out from under the kitchen units, other times by just clawing the appliances. I have had to buy 7 (count ‘em) new white bath mats because he seems to prefer to use these than a litter tray. Even though he goes outside too.

If we do not give him attention when he demands it, he mooches around until he finds something to do which he knows is naughty. Clawing the furniture, biting a plant and crawling up the chimney are all part of his repertoire.

Did you get me a new white fuzzy litter box at the store today? Hm? Why you insist on calling it a "bath mat" I have no idea.

He is a fighter – if there is any cat fight in the street, it is a certainty that he is involved. He hones his skills with regular surprise attacks on his human. On top of these utterly charming behaviours, he also has flatulence. But Alfie “Mini the Mooch Pepe the Poo” (to give him his full name) WE LOVE YOU!!

Photo submitted by: Chris and Jo

Name: Bella
Location: Unknown

Come on, gimme a break, EVERYBODY hates teenagers except other teenagers...

What makes Bella so mean?

My daughter Kristina saw Bella being born, so after such a bonding, she had to take the cat home, right? And Bella would love her like a surrogate mother, right? Wrong!

Bella hates her human mommy. She adores my husband and me, but ANYone else is the enemy — she hisses, snarls, yowls, shrieks, swipes at them, tries to bite, etc. It’s quite severe and a little freaky. I explain sheepishly to our guests that Bella is a self-appointed watch-cat, but how to explain the same behavior towards our own daughter? Who, by the way, is not an infant but a teenager who adores animals and has been an animal handler for years. Kristina feeds Bella and empties her box, and only tries to play, kiss and pet her.

My favorite story is when the three of us were sitting on the steps — Bella at the top, myself a step below, and Kristina at the bottom. I reached out for Bella and ended up grabbing her tail because she’d decided to leave at that moment. So she looked OVER my shoulder, DOWN the stairs at Kristina, and hissed and yowled at my daughter, not me.

Submitted by: Lemurlady