Meankitty.com

Name: Zephyr
Location: Unknown

That blankie up there is looking a bit festive. I may have to take it out.

What makes Zephyr so mean?

My cat is a neutered furball of angry mess. His name is Zephyr, and his nickname is Zephyrelli. Now, when he was first taken off the cold streets, he adored being in a nice warm house. We loved having him here! Until his mean kitty side started to show. We have definitely learned a few things:

1. He HATES anything festive. If it involves a holiday, and there is a decoration for it, it is banished!! He will stomp and crash everything he can reach. Christmas trees? Not on his watch! We tried a very small one, no bigger than a milk carton, and even THIS is too festive for Zephyrelli. He jumps onto the table and smashes it all to the ground. Of course, this is followed by a very luxurious sleep that involves sprawling out in all directions on the table.

2. All tables belong to him. Never mind placemats, those are for the ground. The way he knocks these (and other things down) is this. He will start slowly pushing it to see if he can move it. If successful, he will make a full swat and it will crash down.

3. He must be petted, but only on his time. This is common for other meankitties, and it is the same for Zephyr. If you touch him at any other time, it is instantly playtime, and sharp, hazardous teeth will be embedded into your fingers.

4. Then there is playtime. This involves Z latching his arms around your wrist, biting your fingers, and kicking furiously at your forearm with his back claws. And I mean FURIOUSLY. If it didn’t break the skin, he’ll try again!

5. Ah, the topic of ruining things. Zephyr stops at nothing to get attention. No door can stop him! He has BITTEN the wood off the bottom of the bathroom door AND the carpet in front of the front door! How dare anyone leave Zephyr by himself?!

6. We had to make a sleeping arrangement for Zephyr. He is NOT allowed to sleep in the bedroom anymore. When we first got him, we let him sleep with us. We learned quickly that sleeping humans are NOT tolerated. He walks across you as if you are not even there, sleeps ON your head, paws insanely at your face and even bites your nose. We leave him in the living room and close the bedroom door at night. Which leads to…

7. THE CONSTANT MEWING. Zephyrelli has sleeping radars! If anyone is in the bedroom talking, he doesn’t seem to mind. BUT if anyone is in bed sleeping or whispering softly (saying goodnight, talking about our day etc.) Zephyr pushes his head against the door and meows at the top of his lungs. He sounds like he swallowed something awful and it is affecting his voice, but really, it is just his “LET ME IN, LOVE ME NOW!” mew.

8. Strange urinating habits: Our bathroom also has to have a closed door at all times. Zephyr likes to pee down the drain of either the sink or the bathtub, whichever is free. He’s very good about it though. It’s only pee, and he makes sure he scratches it all down the drain when he is finished. Also in the bathroom is the toilet, which he drinks profusely from. His bowl is always full and yet the tasty toilet water is what suits his fancy.

Also in the department of strange urinating habits is anything in bucket form. Like my boyfriend’s lunch bag for work. Zephyr has decided this is a much better place to pee than his litter box.

Photo submitted by: Ayla

Name: Zoe
Location: Raleigh, NC

Go directly to my litterbox. Do not pass the fridge. Do not collect 200 dollars. Unless you want to get me a scrap of ham. In that case, leave it under the foot of a bed by 1 am sharp.

What makes Zoe so mean?

Zoe was an orphan who wandered onto our front porch, infested with parasites and half-starved. We have no idea how long she was on her own, but the vet said that she was very anemic and would have died if we hadn’t saved her. We named her Zoe because she is a survivor like Zoe in Firefly, and because she has black stripes around her neck like Zoe’s necklace.

She doesn’t trust anyone in the house except my 12yo daughter, who is her “mommy.” Zoe loves her with all her little black kitty heart, but the rest of us can just go straight to he…r litterbox. But she is not above taunting us with her cuteness, laying out of arm’s reach and looking adorable, wriggling on her back as if she wants to be petted. And when we reach for her ZING! she bolts away, chortling, “You will not have me, ugly two-legged troglodytes!”

Her kitty superpower is invisibility. No guest to our home has ever seen her. Most of the time, we don’t even see her. Just kitty footprints on top of the stove, or the sound of desperate scratching as she tries to cover yet another of Kaylee’s endless poos. Kaylee is a more recent addition to the family. They get along well enough, but Kaylee eats everything in sight, spurring Zoe to employ her finely-honed scavenging skills from her earlier life. That, and her invisibility, means that bits of ham and bread crusts often disappear from our plates, right under our noses.

Meankitties Zoe and Kaylee can disrupt a camera’s focus…with their BRAINS!

Zoe’s motto is semper pro mater – “Always for mother.” She decloaks at the foot of my daughter’s bed every night, and I sometimes find her being clutched like a teddy bear at 2am. It is the only time I am able to touch her, when she is safe in her mother’s arms.

Submitted by: Author JL Hilton (http://jlhilton.com)

Name: Zeus
Location: Pennsylvania

I'm raising my paw here. Pay attention. Bring me some chips and a warm milk, woman!

What makes Zeus so mean?

As you can tell by his name, he is convinced he rules the universe and the rest of us are mere peasants put here to do his will. When he wants something, he will follow me, meow and trip me until I give in to his every whit and whim. These Japanese Bobtails have attitude!

I can forget ever being allowed to eat my own food; Zeus must have his share first and then, and only then, if he has had enough, I can finish his scraps on the plate. There is no hesitation on his part to force his head into my bowl of cereal or ice cream, and if he hears a potato chip bag crackle, I am guaranteed to have to hand them over.

Zeus is also a snob; he hates strangers and since he considers everyone strange, no company is welcome here. If a visitor dares to try and pet him, he will draw first blood.

Yesssss, your tribute pleases me, human worshipper.

When I took him to the vet he was so bad they were afraid to handle him. The woman in charge insisted on going to their basement and getting a box; she then taped, yes taped, him in it with several yards of medical tape, leaving just a few air holes before they would return him to me. They said they could not even touch him in the cage to do tests and neutering without sedating him first.

We are in Punxsutawney, Pa. Zeus’s next goal is to hunt that danged groundhog!

Submitted by: Verleen

Name: Zoey & her Boo Gang
Location: Unknown

Harley and Zoey pause in their daily scuffle to pose for the camera.

What makes Zoey so mean?

I have my three mean kitties called the Boo Boos (Da Boos). The fluffy orange one is Bailey (because he’s Irish and/or looks drunk), the short haired orange is Harley (because he purrs like a Harley Davidson) and the black and white is Zoey (or Zozo the Evil.)

Hey, human, are you going to pinch Bailey's head? Try it and see what happens.

They enjoy lining up so they can drink from the sink and fighting over who controls the remote. The meanest of the bunch? Zozo the evilificent – she’s cross eyed and rat like and beats up the two boys like she’s the prison warden.

Submitted by: Jess

Name: Zoe Cinnamon
Location: Dallas, TX

Batta batta batta batt. Target practice with a human nose is fun!

What makes Zoe so mean?

At first glance she is about the sweetest thing you have ever seen, but watch out because she is the devil incarnate. She has had us for almost all of her 11 months on this earth. A few weeks after we moved to our new apartment, there she was in our garage about 3-4 weeks old. From the moment we brought her in to our house she has terrorized out other cat. She was determined to be the boss. Her little 1 1/2 pounds were all bully, even to our 16 pound cat Paulo. But now they have been living together for almost a year and for us at home, it’s pretty good, but if you come over, beware of the evil Zoe Monster!

Submitted by: Angelia & Donald

Name: Zoe (3)
Location: Psychoville

I'm not psycho, I'm just intense.

What makes Zoe so mean?

Zoe is my “psychoZoe.” When she was a kitten, she was a wild woman! She would act lovey-dovey and turn on you in a split second. She still does that. She tolerates being petted on her stomach for only so long. Then it’s attack time.

Zoe loves to eat lizards and kill cockroaches. (Even she knows that cockroaches are disgusting!) Zoe is also our neighborhood birderer (murderer of birds). One time she brought home a lifeless bunny and put it on our doorstep. What a nice gift!

The other day I was taking pictures of her, and she got all riled. I am submitting a photo of her ready to pounce. She is deceiving. She can look soft and ready for love, and then she’ll turn and put a puncture wound right in your hand.

All flying creatures beware. The Birderer of Alcatraz approacheth.

She is 2 yrs old and I rescued her from the animal shelter. She could be a Russian Blue, but I think she is a DSH gray cat. Russian Blues usually have light pink paw pads, and Zoe’s are gray.

Photo submitted by: Susie

Name: Zoe (2)
Location: Unknown

CRAZY EYES, CRAZY EYES!

What makes Zoe so mean?

My kitty is named Zoe although he is a he. He can be sweet when he wants something, when he doesn’t, watch out! He’s ornery and he bites! He bites me all the time. He can be purring one minute, and the next instant he’s biting me.

And I do mean bite! I have scars all over my arms. He draws blood. There’s nothing to explain this behavior other than he just likes to be mean. You can see it in his eyes.

Submitted by: Georgia

Name: Zoe
Location: Couch

For those about to leap...we salute you!

What makes Zoe so mean?

Even the vet hates Zoe. She’s very hard to treat. She would love to kill every animal that comes in our yard, so we are careful not to let her out. So she takes her killing urges out on us.

In her own strange way, she’s kind of sweet, though.

Submitted by: Zoe’s Humans

Name: Zeus (2)
Location: New York

My house is not a kitty litter box. But yes, I do want to go into the kitty litter box.

What makes Zeus so mean?

* This cat owns one of Typing Slave’s readers

Here is Zeus aka THE BASTARD. He was at the No Kill Shelter for 4 years, only being let out of his “house” for less than 30 minutes a day since he would wack the crap out of the other cats. He would race around and grumble, growl and complain when told to get back in his “house”. He was also noted for smacking and wacking the workers as well and for having a very bad attitude.

When my sister told me about his “unique” personality, how beautiful he was and how he had very expressive/intelligent eyes, I was sure we could handle him and he wouldn’t have to be in the cage all the time. So she brought him home at Christmas time in 2006.

The first week he was wacking everyone right and left while letting out this horrible yowl. Once the other cats learned to give Zeus his space and we refused to back down from his attitude, he settled in for the most part. We can give him hugs, kisses, pets and some very quick cuddles if we have his payment of crunchies right on hand.

If he acts up while walking across the room smacking and grumbling we suggest he go eat his crunchies or go sit on the hope chest and look out the window. If he persists we whip out the big guns: “YOU WANT TO GO IN YOUR HOUSE??”

Submitted by: Michelle

Name: Zhenya
Location: Helsinki, Finland

Mmmmmmm, sick leave!

What makes Zhenya so mean?

Don’t get me wrong: Zhenya is the most beautiful, intelligent and affectionate cat, but he is also very possessive and at times possessed! I still have a prominent scar on my left hand as a souvenir from the morning Zhenya had a fit because I was going to work and leaving him on his own for a whole day! Were it in his power I would never leave the house. I usually have to trick him by throwing a toy to the other side of the room and sneak out…

You go to work, you suffer the consequences. Actually, I want you to go because I got me a hot little tabby coming over for catnip later.

He really loves it when I’m on sick leave and in bed all day, but on the other hand he has no problem with waking me up in the middle of the night if he wants service. He drops the alarm clock to the floor, then he tries to switch the light on (he can push the switch down with his paw but can’t push it to the bottom so it only flickers irritatingly). If that doesn’t work, he pulls down the curtains by hanging from them! He is the most stubborn feline I’ve ever met and NEVER gives up.

Zhenya is a street urchin. I found him on the sidewalk during my lunch hour. He was a cute little ball of fur and when I stopped by, he climbed on my knee and started to purr so I didn’t stand a chance. I took him with me and next day went to see the vet to have him vaccinated. Though Zhenya weighed only 2 kg, it took two vets to hold him still! He’s also a bit of a daredevil.

Outside his acrobatic stunts Zhenya’s favourite activity is to drop things to the floor and he also loves to harass and torture the other cat, Hermine, who is ten years his senior. Eating is quite complicated when Zhenya’s around (and he usually is!) because he tries to steal food from eveyone’s plate!

Photo submitted by: Susanna