Posts Tagged ‘W’
Tuesday, February 26th, 2013
Name: Waffle Pumpkin Rainbow Peanut Butter Peanut Butter Cinnamon Sugar Cookie Marshmallow Meanie
It is easy to rip the camera out of your grasp because your fingers are dead. Yeah, that's why they call you Zombie Hands.
What makes Waffle so mean?
Waffle bites. No, it’s not a new Eggo treat, it’s the cat.
Waffle was born on the street, grew up a tough little kitty, and was rescued by the animal shelter. On my birthday we went to pick out a kitten for me. She was the biggest kitty there, which we needed because we have two big dogs. Rosie, one of the dogs, still stares at her like she was a real waffle. We brought her home, and the first week we discovered she had a thing for toes under blankets late at night. My first day of school I was exhausted because all night I’d been kept awake by Waffle, gnawing on my toes, and doing this thing where, when she had my toes, she would start trying to dig into them with her back feet.
Now that she’s older, she terrorizes her grampa kitty, Peachy Lee, who is extremely thin because Waffle is starving him. We’re trying to get him to eat, but it’s like she’s threatened to cut him if he does. Whenever someone new comes to the house, she sniffs them, hides, and waits until they are relaxed before she attacks. She will bite anything that even resembles her pink comb–she hates that comb. She thinks she’s the queen, and she even has a rhinestone collar, which we had to take away, because the sound of that collar clinking would freak Peachy Lee out.
When you pet the Waffle Queen, she will bite your fingers to death. One time she scratched me so hard I have scars. We try to keep her claws trimmed, but we are only unworthy human slaves, incapable of remembering when to clip Waffle Queen’s royal nails.
Photo submitted by: Anon
Wednesday, December 26th, 2012
The great trick is there never WAS a previous human slave, just some buddies of mine dressed up in a trench coat and standing on each other’s heads. We got the idea from a cartoon. Humans will believe anything!
What makes Watson so mean?
Don’t be fooled by the peaceful demeanor and reading the Bible. This is one ferocious feline. She arrived just before Christmas one year to stay as a guest while her “owner” (i.e. previous domestic staff) was out of town for a few days. Well, day 2 of her visit, she bit her host on the finger bad enough to require IV antibiotics and 3 months of physiotherapy. Then she hid in the basement for a month.
NOW, she rules the household. Current favorite tricks are:
- Sitting in the middle of the stairs, and taking a swipe at the human as he walks by.
- Walking across the computer keyboard, just to make her contribution to that e-mail or other dockkkkkEEEEEDDDFument.
- Sampling EVERYTHING the human eats or appears to eat. (No, Watson, you don’t want dental floss. Or my cellphone). She does, however, eat peas, corn, lima beans, and parsley. And will kill for chicken.
- Hissing at and generally annoying any girlfriends who visit.
- Awakening the human at odd hours of the night and whining if asked to move off the human’s pillow – even though she has her own.
- Sharpening her claws on the carpet on the stairs (so she can lie down while doing it) and testing them on a regular basis on the human.
- Insisting the bird feeder outside her window is kept constantly stocked, for her viewing pleasure.
Oddly enough, the previous human has remained out of town, so Watson remains with the new human. And the finger is doing much better, thank you.
Submitted by: Cam
Thursday, February 23rd, 2012
Name: Wally Moto
This is me at 3 days, after clawing through the siding. Man, that was hard work.
What makes Wally so mean?
My name is Wally Moto and I am the meanest kitty in the State/Republic of Texas. When I was two days old my Biological Mom dropped me between the walls of my Dad’s shop (something about my constant whining). I meowed for a day and a half until my dad heard me and removed the siding from the outside of the building. Yeah, that siding and insulation would have been history if I’d stayed in there any longer. He dubbed me Wally and mom added the Moto because she said I looked Siamese.
He SHOULD have pulled me out sooner–I’ve been retaliating ever since. My favorite target is my slave Mom. I let her know in no uncertain terms where she may go in the house and yard. She sure looks silly with all those band-aids on her legs and arms. If Dad catches me, he makes me leave Mom alone. I usually just freeze on her leg and hope he won’t notice me.
This is me laughing at Mom running from the possibly rabid chipmunk I loosed in her vicinity.
I demand daily treats and yowl constantly (when I’m not hissing). I take daily inventory of the house, garage, and yard to see if anything has changed. When I’m patrolling Dad calls me the “Little General”. I love to shower daily affection on my dad. He rules! I let my Mom hold me for a few minutes each morning–I HAVE to do this because she buys my food, feeds me, opens the door when I want in or out, de-fleas me, takes me to the vet, pays my vet bills and defends me when Dad says I’m worthless. So I figure I can tolerate fifteen minutes a week from her. Besides, she trainable.
I enjoy killing birds, mice/rats, and lizards. I leave them on the back step so Dad can see them and Mom can dispose of them. I attack dogs if they come in the front yard, cats if they even look in my yard, and the mailman and I have had a few rounds. At just under twenty pounds, it’s my way or blood will be let. Go ahead and squirt me with the water hose–I love water.
This is me about to pounce Mom's face. That camera is NO protection!
Mom wrote this ballad for me when she realized my biological Mom dropped me down the wall on purpose. If you hum “Pretty Fly for a White Guy” in your head, you’ll be able to sing the ballad.
The Ballad of Wally Moto
My name is Wally Moto and I’m a little cat!
My mama she was Siamese and my daddy he was black.
I am an evil kitty,
I have been since my spawn.
My mama didn’t want me so she dropped me down the wall!
But I don’t look back,
I’m a cat.
I like to claw and I like to scratch.
I don’t look back,
I’m just a cat.
I like to paw and I like to claw.
Photo submitted by: Wally’s humans
Friday, January 27th, 2012
Location: His Department
Whaddya mean, where's Waldo? I'm right here, ya ijjit!
What makes Waldo so mean?
Waldo is a mean kitty because he knocks stuff down, wakes me up too early, chews his sister’s whiskers, howls all the time, and just wrecks everything.
Photo submitted by: Elizabeth
Wednesday, April 27th, 2011
Location: North Carolina
I am the MAKER of house rules. You got a problem wit' dat?
What makes Woody so mean?
This is Woody, who is not so much mean as he is the most annoying cat on the face of the earth.
I'm not drinking...I'm spitting catbutt germs, hehehe.
His habits include drinking V8 juice out of MY glass, knocking everything off the bedside table when he thinks it time to get up – including the clock and lamp, and jiggling the toilet handle while I’m in the shower. He will learn to flush and scald me one of these days.
That was tasssssssssty. Thanks for leaving it unmonitored!
He has also made a house rule that all pens and pencils are to be on the floor at all times. Need a pen? Look down.
Submitted by: Barbara
Tuesday, April 26th, 2011
It is NOT time for my close-up, so bug off!
What makes Wilma so mean?
Wilma doesn’t like to be interrupted when she’s sunbathing, not even by admiring fans like myself who just want a quick photo and an autograph. She’ll give me an autograph, all right…with her claw!
Submitted by: J. Miller
Monday, April 25th, 2011
I also whine when I draw blood from houseguests. Makes for an interesting contrast.
What makes Willow so mean?
Say hello (from a distance) to Willow aka Willow Fatbelly or Willowmeister. One day, I wandered into a pet shop and saw this tiny little kitten, all meek and stripey and cute, and decided upon her immediately. I should have taken heed of the shop owner who told me she’s never stopped miaowing all day.
“Piffle” I thought. Until I got her out of the shop….
That was 11 years ago and she hasn’t shut up since! She whines for food, for comfort, if there’s a draught, if it’s too hot, if someone looks at her the wrong way. She sulks when we go on holiday and by accounts of the people who come to feed her, she lays on the bed, festering, only moving downstairs for food.
Caretakers have been known to resort to using a long stick to pry her feeding bowl away from her reach – go any closer than that and human blood and flesh is a certainty.
Unsuspecting house-guests have commented on her lovely markings and gone to stroke her. Too late; they don’t see the change of look in her eye and they are just yet another statistic of The Willowmeister!
Submitted by: Allie
Sunday, April 24th, 2011
I'm BORN TO BE WILD, baby. Not to mention BAD TO THE BONE. A regular IRONMAN.
What makes Willow so mean?
Willow hates absolutely everything except food, water, sleep, and causing pain. He is disinterested in all things calm and relaxing. Lately, he only stops by the apartment to eat. If not here, he’s in the woods adjacent to our apartment complex terrorizing the other cats and viciously murdering the field mice there. His dominion is this small patch of woods.
The other cats run when they see him. He is their tyrant. Their dictator of the deciduous home away from home. The savage hammer-pawed assassin of the night. His favorite spot to rest after a busy night’s bloody romp in the woods? The bathroom sink, where he cleanses himself of his sins so he can commit them again 12 hours later. If he had his way, you wouldn’t be around reading this.
Submitted by: Matt
Saturday, April 23rd, 2011
Come on, gimme the booklet...I gotta use the bathroom, anyway.
What makes Willow so mean?
This is a photo of our cat Willow. Willow doesn’t like people who deliver commercial booklets or sponsored newspapers. He guards our door from those evil paper enemies. If the delivery guy doesn’t get the meaning of the ‘NEE/NEE sticker’ he’ll explain it to him. Beware…
Submitted by: Irene
Friday, April 22nd, 2011
It's MY bed! Sheesh! She tries to steal it from me.
What makes Willa so mean?
This is the lovely Willa. She looks really sweet, but it’s all a sham. She acts all cute and rolls over on her belly and you can’t resist, you have to rub her tummy and WAMMO! She bites off a finger! Sometimes she even pretends she likes the petting at first; that’s what makes it an especially nasty trick.
And forget about her having any friends. She don’t need ‘em. If she doesn’t know you, (basically, if you happen to not be me) she’ll hiss at you, growl at you and there’s a good chance she’ll bite you too. She likes to inflict pain on others, especially if it draws blood.
She is also one of those pillow stealing kitties. I wake up in the middle of the night to discover she’s stolen my pillow and is hogging most of the bed, purring the whole time. No matter how many times I push her off, she keeps coming back, keeps stealing my pillow and hogging the bed in that passive aggressive kind of way. I end up not sleeping very well. Oh, and I can’t forget to mention her evil trick of hiding under the bed at bedtime and then BAM! She leaps out and bites your toes! Ahhhhh!
Submitted by: Katherine