Posts Tagged ‘tom’

Gallery: Tommie Cranks

Sunday, January 12th, 2014

Name: Tommie Cranks
Location: Unknown

Tommie Cranks is mean

Who are you callin' Siamese? Sheesh, do I look like a crook tailed, masked, hypochondriac whiner to you?

What makes Tommie so mean?

While Tommie has his loving moments, he more often has mean ones. He attacks, bites and goes into kitty hissy fits when he doesn’t get his way. At 6 months old, he weighed in at 12 lbs with big shovel like paws, thick legs and a big bush of a tail. We think it may belong to a fox, which makes me wonder who his mother was messing with when he was conceived. Besides that, Tommie seems to have both Maine Coon and Siamese characteristics. The vet says he is a big boy and he will be a “bigger boy” when he grows up. His best friends in the world is a neurotic toy poodle named Charlie and a small stuffed, haggard hippopotamus named Auggie the Hippo. His favorite foods besides human flesh are broccoli, baked beans, oatmeal, celery, stringbeans, corn and nuts.

Photo submitted by: Eta

Meankitty’s Note: This is our third choice for the author of the Tom Letters. Which one do you think it is?

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Letters: Yes, I’m Morris

Wednesday, December 1st, 2010

Dear Meankitty,

Oh, blush. Yes, you figured me out, I’m that Morris. That yellow eyed, yellow haired hunk with the long whiskers on television. Don’t believe the rumors that “Morris” was actually female or fixed. I’m living proof it’s not true. Would you like a signed promotional photo? How about an on-site visit? I could be on your site before you even blinked, though I know you’re quite good at the staring-and-not-blinking game, so really that gives me plenty of time.

Sincerely,
Morris

***

Dear Morris,

You know, they don’t even run that commercial any more because contemporary lady cats–we aren’t impressed by mere looks. We like a man-cat to have something additional, something extra, some kitty bling. Tops are an obedient slave, a fierce way with dogs, a private patch of ‘nip, and a personal scratching post the size of a couch. You’d have had more luck telling me you had your picture posted on the Cat Chow calendar or the 365 Cats A Day desk calendar. Get outta here!

Sincerely,
Meankitty

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Letters: Not Like Tom

Thursday, November 25th, 2010

Dear Meankitty,

I’m not like the other tomcats! I’m not afraid of commitment. Look at how long I’ve been endorsing that cat food brand, 9 Lives. Talk about staying power. And my vast experience with the canned food industry has given me very sophisticated tastes. Honey, I could really wine and dine a sweet little thing like you.

So anyway, what do you say? And, um, hey. If Tom happens to drop by your window, don’t tell him I asked you out, okay?

Sincerely,
Morris

***

Dear Morris,

You expect me to believe you’re THAT Morris? Come on. Get real.

Sincerely,
Meankitty

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Gallery: Tom and Miv

Wednesday, November 17th, 2010

Names: Tom and Miv
Location: Denmark

Tom and Miv fight

Back atcha!

What makes Tom & Miv so mean?

Tom is the grey cat and Miv is the black cat. They fight all the time, so I guess that makes them mean.

Still fighting

Actually, we're practicing for what we're going to do to the staff after they go to sleep.

Photo submitted by: Thomas

Meankitty’s Note: We’re pretty sure this isn’t “the” Tom, unless Tom and Miv have been fighting over Tom’s mad love for Meankitty.

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Gallery: Tom

Tuesday, November 16th, 2010

Name: Tom
Location: Unknown

Tom is a meankitty

I'm in between Purring Fun Kitty and Maniacal Skin Shredder at the moment...can you tell?

What makes Tom so mean?

I think Tom is a mean kitty for these key reasons:

One: He runs away when you try and pet him.

Two: At night, He goes from Purring Fun Kitty to Maniacal Skin Shredder.

Tom is still mean

I got 'tude, baby, lots of 'tude.

Three: Even when he is purring, he will still bite you. It’s not even funny how hard he bites.

And of course, he meows at the top of the stairs quite frequently, especially at night, waking the household.

Photo submitted by: Ken

Meankitty’s Note: Could this the THE Tom who’s been emailing me kitty love notes? Who would win in a fight, this Tom or one of the Morrises?

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Letters: How YOU Doin?

Monday, November 15th, 2010

Dear Meankitty,

Hi, it’s Morris again. You know, Morris, Tom’s friend? Well, I just wanted you to know we aren’t friends any more. We’ve had a falling out. I mean, the guy criticized my tail, man. You just don’t do that to a cat who’s supposed to be a buddy.

Anyway, I was just wondering if maybe you’d like to go for a drink of milk sometime? Since you don’t want anything to do with Tom, you’re single, right?

Signed,
Your Fan Morris

***

Dear Morris,

I’m single, sleek, sexy and spayed! But then, that’s how you roving tomcats like ‘em, isn’t it? No commitment, no kittens, no tuna sharing. No thanks!

Signed,
Meankitty

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Name: Morris (2)

Monday, November 15th, 2010

Name: Morris (2)
Location: San Antonio, TX. Maybe.

Morris is a meankitty

Oh, Meankitty...gaze into my eyes of gold. I am handsome and you should love me instead of Tom. See how mean I am to my staff? You can respect a hunky man like me.

What makes Morris so mean?

This is Morris, my meankitty. He first arrived at my door in the flood of 1998. He knocked on the door with his front paws, and when I opened the door he strolled in like he owned the place. He never left.

He’s not the smartest cat in the world, but he makes up for it by being extra mean. He only lets you pet him if he knows you are going to give him food, otherwise he is likely to bite you. He has sent me to the emergency room on at least one occasion with deep puncture wounds! We have seen him stare down a German Shepherd and win. He terrorizes the other cats in the house, and the only cat he is friendly with is the cat who can smack him down. His generally sour disposition extends to children. The only person in the house he tolerates is my husband, whose disposition often matches Morris’s.

Photo submitted by: Tina

Meankitty’s Note: We aren’t sure if this is “the” Morris who’s been writing letters or not. What do you think?

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Gallery: Morris

Monday, November 15th, 2010

Name: Morris
Location: Superstardom

Morris is mean and hoggy.

I should really order a wider bed.

What makes Morris so mean?

Morris is not a cat, he’s a big ole pig. Not only has he got a big head from all the money he gets from the TV commercials, but he thinks he’s the boss of the world and everything is his. Anytime we give the other kitties (Fluffy and Booboo) toys or scratching posts, he won’t let them use them. He hogs them for himself. This kind of cat scratcher where you put it on the ground, he didn’t even want to scratch it anymore, but he didn’t want Fluffy and Booboo to have it, either. So he just went to sleep on it. That’s one mean kitty!

Photo submitted by: Toby

Meankitty’s Note: Could this be the Morris who’s been writing letters to Meankitty…Morris, friend of Tom?

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Advice: Outdoor Nuisance

Wednesday, October 27th, 2010

Dear Meankitty,

Is there any way I can get a stray outdoor cat from coming on my deck and upsetting my indoor cat?

Signed,
Diane

***

Dear Diane,

We’d suggest putting a glass bubble over the deck, but it wouldn’t be practical and would probably get totally trashed by bird poo. Alternately, you could humanely trap the stray and take it to a shelter, if your cat gets THAT upset. Me and my housemates like to yell at strays. It adds excitement to our otherwise humdrum lives. I mean, unless that stray is TOM, which isn’t exciting so much as it is a case for a kitty restraining order, the freak.

Sincerely,
Meankitty

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Letter: The Wingman

Tuesday, October 12th, 2010

Dear Meankitty,

My name is not Tom, it is Morris, no relation to the Morris on your site. I just wanted you to know I think Tom is a really great feline and you should give him a chance. I am not one of his littermates, either. He knows how to really treat the ladycats right. He will lick your ears and face in a loving way and always give you the first choice of tuna bits.

Signed,
Morris

***

Dear Morris,

Where is the box for me to check “Yes” or “No”? Actually I only need the “No” box.

Signed,
Meankitty

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