Meankitty.com

Name: Noodles
Location: Unknown

Actually, I swish these around in my catbox and then the stupid humans smoke them anyway! Heh heh heh! Poosticks!

What makes Noodles so mean?

I found Noodles trapped under a gate in an alley while I was doing outreach work with heroin addicts. She began purring loudly the moment I got near her, and I was in instantly in love. She was rail thin, with a wild look in her eye. I should have read the signs.

We gave her our hearts, trust, and a stable home, but as the evidence shows, she never could kick the habit. She’s always chasing the dragon — she’d take the butts out of the ashtray if she couldn’t steal a whole smoke of her own. When we quit, we tried to put her on the patch with us, but she never could handle the adhesive.

Photo submitted by: Jennifer

Name: Nanashi
Location: Utah

I've been poisoning Dusti with dog food so she'll puke on everything, but don't tell Sarah!

What makes Nanashi so mean?

Dusti, the one on the right, has mostly been a sweet angel till recently she was possessed by evil demons that forced her into puking all over all my stuff.

Nanashi, the little one on the left, however, has always been hell spawn. After all I’ve done for her, saved her from the terrors of being left behind by mommy. I bottle fed her till she was big enough to eat solid food. How does she repay me? Waking me every morning by biting me on the head or my favorite, biting me on the butt. You can not touch her with out being chewed on. However, she can’t sleep unless she is touching a part of my bare skin. Her favorite place is my arm pit. Then in the mornings she wakes me with a nibble to the arm or the arm pit. A really hard nibble!

UPDATE February 2005: Dusti eventually picked up on Nanashi’s habit of biting people. She snuck up on her victims and pounced when least expected. Keep in mind she’ wasn’t the smallest of cats and in fact was a bit overweight. She had this tendency to land right on the soft spot in your belly–if you had to pee when she did this, you were in trouble! RIP, sweet, fat Dusti, who passed away in 2004 in a terrible accident.

RIP Dusti. You were fine and fat and good at barfing.

Nanashi is still wreaking much havoc on all, which she is good at. She fights with other cats under the door at all hours of the night, then keep me awake with her toys. Then of course she cuddles with me at night and insists on licking one part of my body till it’s raw and I can’t take it anymore.

The smart thing will not play if you have your hands covered with cloth–she goes for the skin and bites hard! Luckily she hasn’t pulled the bum biting again yet.

Photo submitted by: Sarah

Name: Nala the Dragon
Location: Seattle, WA

It’s not for me, it’s for Baby Kitty! Do you want to starve Baby Kitty?

What makes Nala so mean?

Let me tell you about Dragon (ahem, Nala) and how mean she is. She is 18 years old and is in LOVE with food. I’m talking wake me up at 5AM for food every single day. She has gained a 1 1/2 lbs in one year! She now positions herself underneath the bed so at first stir, like just turning over in bed starts an unrelenting string of croaks from her until you A: Get your butt out of bed and give her canned food, B: Scream at her to shut up and kick her out of the room, by which you now are fully awake anyway, or C: Try to coerce your significant other to do the dirty work for you. She is a big ol’ meany. Pun intended.

Please note her baby kitty, which she insists on bringing everywhere.

Submitted by: Amelia

Name: Neko
Location: Mao’s House

See these ears? Useless. Mao busted my eardrums. That deserves a good beat-down, right?

What makes Neko so mean?

Thinking that Mao would settle down and stop crying with a companion, his pal Neko was adopted more than a year ago. Now Neko is all of five pounds and appears to be such a tiny, sweet kitty. Looks are deceiving. She is fascinated with anything cardboard which she tears apart with her nails and mouth, and she is confused between her litter box and down comforters (two down and none in the house).

Neko prefers to sleep under the covers like a person instead of in a kitty bed. That probably sounds like a kind and gentle kitty. Well, Neko lacks the gentle touch to indicate she wants under the covers. She will hit me so hard in the face that she will draw blood. There have been too many mornings that I have gone to work with a cut lip or a cheek abrasion. Cover stick is my friend.

Past her desire to abuse me, she abuses poor Mao. She runs around and bites his rear end. She now runs the place. Mao hasn’t stopped crying and Neko is here to stay. Oh and yes, Mao taught Neko to scream as well. Thank goodness she’s only in the 60 decibel range.

Meet Mao.

Submitted by: Rebecca

Name: Norman
Location: Bates Motel

Are you taking a shower, you wicked girl?

What makes Norman so mean?

Norman is named after Norman Bates from the movie PSYCHO. He was named 3 days after we got him at 8 weeks, after he launched himself at the shower curtain and ShReDdEd it with his evil claws whilst we were taking a bath. Since then he has manifested pure and unadulterated evil thoughout the house including but not limited to destroying lounges, glassware, crockery, lamps, windowsills blah blah blah.

HE IS AN EVIL FELINE!

Submitted by: Mr. Bates

Name: Norma (aka Tiger)
Location: Unknown

If they're not careful, I'll extend my scratch and sniff rights to their butts.

What makes Norma so mean?

This…this is Norma, aka “Tiger”. She looks sweet and innocent but don’t let looks fool you! She demands what I like to call “scratch and sniff rights”, which means she reserves the right to lick and taste any food item that comes in the house. She constantly scratches the couch even though I provided three scratching posts and set them right by the couch! I can’t even walk in the door without constant meowing until I break down and give her treats. These treats must be “Dreamy Duos” tuna flavor or they will not be touched and the howling will continue.

She constantly picks on my other two cats who are not in any way shape or form mean. [Meankitty's Note: Sounds like they're dumb!] Last but not least, I haven’t been able to go to the bathroom by myself in three years without constant yowling at the door.

Submitted by: Bob

Name: Noah
Location: Unknown

Who are you calling plain?

What makes Noah so mean?

This is my mean kitty! Her name is Noah and she’s evil, pure evil! She has her favorite chair and attacks anyone who sits in it. She bites my toes when I am in bed, sits on my hair AND scratches my lips, nose, wrists and arms when I am asleep! When I am on the computer, she comes in and promptly sticks her bottom in my face–ohh, the stench, she is doing this now! When I am writing she sits on my pen. Not only is she mean but just a plain nuisance.

Submitted by: Tony & Ana

Name: Newdave
Location: Philadelphia

From what I hear, Olddave was a dog lover. Bring on the new generation! Bring on the Newdave!

What makes Newdave so mean?

Perhaps it all began when he realized that he was replacing another cat, but this kitty truly knows how to tear it up. Besides fighting with all of my other four cats, Newdave also has a wide vocabulary of tiger-like growls the extent of which I never imagined a housecat could produce. One of Newdave’s favorite mean activities is sitting on my chest while I am sleeping while gashing my face with his monster claws.

Submitted by: Nell

Name: Natasha
Location: Tennessee

Do not touch my tail. Do not pass go. Do not get one hundred dogs. Mostly, do not touch my tail.

What makes Natasha so mean?

Natasha the cat’s nickname is Bi-polar cat. She hates all other cats, dogs, and most humans. She will occasionally permit us to pet her, but only if you do not touch her tail. Touch her tail and you will receive a very painful bite on the wrist. Touch her while she is cleaning herself, and you will get a scratch and a bite. Try to move her off the computer desk and you get a hiss, growl, then a bite. She also enjoys clawing you in the back while you sleep and biting your toes if your feet get too close to her. Her meow doesn’t even sound like a cat. It’s deep and scratchy and sounds more like she is saying “NOW!!”. If you have to go to the bathroom at my house in the middle of the night, beware! She will jump onto your bare legs while your pants are down with her claws fully extended.

Submitted by: Lisa

Name: Nikka
Location: Independence, KY

Check out my uni-fang! I can still fong the crap out of you with it.

What makes Nikka so mean?

Nikka has had a tough life. As a kitten, she was rescued from a busy road by a well-meaning cat lover (me). When I grabbed her from the asphalt and saved her life, she promptly urinated all over me…what an introduction! Nikka doesn’t trust many people (including me) and doesn’t get along with her kitty sisters either.

She despises: people, other cats, all dogs, rules, closed doors, having her bath interrupted, when the treats run out, and when her tuna is late in getting on its plate and getting in front of her twice a day. On one of her nightly escapades she had a brush with a car and we figured that was the end of her, but after a six-week recuperation period and extensive dental work, her shoulder healed nicely and she started to sneer again to show us her Uni-Fang. She’s 12 years old and nothing can keep her down. She inspired me to write the following ditty that is known around our house as “The Nikka Rap”!

My name’s Nikka and I’m too mean to die
Touch me once and you’ll find out why
I’ll fuss and fuss and give you a swat
Scratch you good with nary a thought.
Now get my tuna out and get it on a plate!

Hit me with a car? Come on now.
I’ll bounce right back with a big MEEOWW!
I’ll snuggle up at night when the lights are low
But deny it in the morning, don’t you know.
Now quit making noise there, I’m tryin’ to sleep late!

Submitted by: Jennifer