Meankitty.com

Name: KillKill (pronounced KiKi)
Location: Tucson, AZ

KillKill mode engaged.

What makes KillKill so mean?

My cat-mistress is named KillKill, the l’s are silent but implied, so we call her “KiKi”. KillKill is the most terrifying cat at times, but since she has multiple-personality disorder, she can at times be nice. I have scars all over my arms from not knowing if I am picking up “kiki” or “kill kill”. I had to take her on a 1200 mile road trip because she tried to attack the person I had cat-sitting on my last vacation.

On the way back from Wyoming, (believe me, there are stories there also), my daughter, my mom and I stopped at the first Navajo roadside seller in Arizona. Now, keep in mind that the first roadside seller is charging the most expensive prices on their jewelry and pottery. Also keep in mind that it is rare to take a cat on a road trip. Finally, keep in mind that Navajos are very wary of “witches”.

Why did you lock me away from the roadside sellers? They deserved my wrath!

I took KiKi (she was behaving) out of the car, as it was over 100 degrees and couldn’t leave her in. She sat dociley in my arms. I looked at jewelry. Navajo girl asked to pet her, I let her, the cat’s paws firmly in my grip. Toward the end of the four tables set out, I could sense that KiKi was turning into KillKill…the growling indicates this. There was a tourist on the other end with his daughter who was in a wheelchair. The little girl asked to pet my cat.

“Sure,” I replied, mentally telling my cat DO NOT SCRATCH THE HANDICAPPED GIRL. All went well. Until the first girl wanted to pet her again (what, am I carrying around a furry Blarney stone?). KiKi cried “NO SECONDS”, and all four paws came straight out. All claws pointed into the air. Each paw started whirling on its on. I was carrying a transformer/robot/killing machine/cat, dripping blood from my arms, straight back to the car. The Navajo girl and her mom were looking on with fear. Yep. That’s my familiar. I’m a witch. Ugh.

But that’s what they get for charging too much.

Submitted by: Lizz

[[Meankitty's note: Just to clear up a little misconception about witches/familiars, the felines in any of these relationships are actually the more powerful magic users while the humans are clearly the 'familiars'! If the human has a different animal, all bets are off.]]

Name: Kukl
Location: Unknown

You'd climb walls too if they had red wallpaper on them. Redecoration Kitty!

What makes Kukl so mean?

She climbs walls and bites the hands that feed her.

Photo submitted by: Myles

Name: Kitty
Location: Unknown

That wasn’t psychosis, that was the hazing I had to inflict to become a member of SOHC. Silly humans.

What makes Kitty so mean?

Kitty (simple name) has truly shown an evil streak in the past but has since been exorcised…although at times he does give a look that brings back memories…

Memories of standing on top of furniture (four grown men trying to avoid claws) on Christmas morning when Kitty mentally skipped a groove and went ballistic, which worked the other 2 cats and all 4 men in the room into a frenzy of wrapping paper, falling furniture and debris. Finally we used thick oven mitts to grab him and lock him in the bedroom for a timeout. He was out of the bedroom by the afternoon but growling and hissing for another couple of days, keeping everyone (cats and humans) sleeping with one eye open for about a week. True feline psychosis!

Photo submitted by: Buck

Name: Kiwi
Location: Baton Rouge

What’s this ‘not for me’ present crap? If it’s wrapped, it’s for me. I don’t care what’s inside, I just like the paper and ribbon!

What makes Kiwi so mean?

Just wanted to share with you my meankitties, especially Kiwi. He and Ruby have even been kicked out of their grandma’s house for their nighttime hijinks.

Kiwi was six weeks old when I got him. He was given to me in college by a friend who swore he was female. Two weeks later, we notice a little mass down below. SURPRISE! A few weeks later, he started spraying on my roommate’s clothes when I would leave. Now he’s fat and lazy by day, terror at night!

When he’s not on the bed — which may be a combined 78 minutes per day — he’s eating, trying to eat food as you are cooking, and waiting for a litter box clean-up so he can use one of his five stomachs to stink it up again. He doesn’t know how to cover his tracks either, if you know what I mean. He loves to knock on blinds in the middle of the night, since so much action seems to be going on in an apartment complex at 3 a.m. He also likes to open Christmas presents that are not for him.

Photo submitted by: Emily

Name: Kaylee
Location: Raleigh, NC

SHAZAM! I am beside your game. SHAZAM! I am in the middle of your game. SHAZAM! I am under the bed because you yelled at me for messing up your game.

What makes Kaylee so mean?

Kaylee is mean because she eats all of our Nerf darts. At 1-1/2 years old, she looks big, but is still a kitten at heart. She doesn’t realize how sharp her claws and teeth are, but she likes to play and gets too rough at times. Her favorite time to play is at night when everyone is asleep, and her favorite game to play is “bite the feet.” We go through a lot of Bandaids. She will also bite and shred any poor, unsuspecting roll of toilet paper that gets away from the herd. But she spends most of her time looking for her nap, which she usually finds right in the middle of the floor where we’re walking.

Can you get me another roll? I’m almost out.

Kaylee gets along very well with Zoe, our other cat, but sometimes they play the “I can eat your head” game. We’re not sure what’s going on exactly, but it looks like a cat version of thumb-wrestling, and the one who can get the other’s head in her mouth first, wins. Kaylee also eats like a pig and poops like a fiend, and doesn’t cover her business. This upsets Zoe a lot more than it upsets us, though.

Her kitty superpower is teleportation. I might see her on the couch, then I walk down the hall, enter the bathroom, turn around to close the door, and SHAZAM, she’s laying in the middle of my bed. Wha– what?

Her motto is In dubio somno – When in doubt, take a nap.

Submitted by: Author JL Hilton (http://jlhilton.com)

Name: Kali (2)
Location: St Paul, MN

You’d be amazed how many times they forget to check for me on top of the fridge! You think they’d learn after a while…

What makes Kali so mean?

Kali is a 7 yr. old Russian Blue. She is the princess of all kitties. She likes no one! She packs a big punch in a little 5 pound body. I think that she is generally angry at the world for being a runt and makes up for it in her bite. She will bite and attack anyone, even me. She only wants to be petted for 2 seconds and if you don’t stop the claws come out and she will draw blood.

She hates my boyfriend and goes into attack mode when he comes over. She will just sit across from him on the couch and hiss until she’s ready to go in for the kill. She also does this sneak attack from the top of the fridge when you don’t expect it, and if you are eating anywhere near her, she will take what you have. She runs the house and we are all just her play-things.

Submitted by: Ann B.

Name: King Henry
Location: Philadelphia, PA

I'm Henry the King, I am I am! If you don't bow down, I'll pee on your head.

What makes KH so mean?

King Henry wasn’t always a king. I got him reluctantly from a pet store when he was six months old. In the beginning he was sweet and loved to play like every other psycho kitten. Eventually he would steal things from my dresser and hide them or push things off a table just to watch them fall and then tuck them somewhere that I could not find them.

I made the mistake of getting him a playmate 3 months later and he hated him. Poor Snoopy was always the brunt of his anger. I frequently had to pull Snoopy out of Henry’s headlock.

It wasn’t until yrs later that he earned the status of king. We used to have a Doberman named Jezebel and even the Doberman was afraid of Henry because Henry liked to hide in his kitty condo and take a swipe at her when she wasn’t looking then hide back in the condo to make her think no one was there. Jez would bring him her toy and he would look at the slobber drenched thing as if it was beneath him to play with her. He would refuse to drink out of a waterbowl and instead would wake me up from a deep sleep in the middle of the night to turn on the bathtub faucet for him to drink fresh water. If I didn’t heed his commands then something would get thrown onto the floor, trashcan turned over, or papers would be torn off my bulletin board. When I moved in with a friend who had 2 cats he even kicked them out because he was so dominant!

I am allowing my handmaidens to recline upon my bed before they must massage my shoulders and dance for me.

He also found out that peeing and pooping on things was another avenue to take out his frustration at me. He peed on all my things and I can’t tell you how many clothes, pillows, stuffed animals and linens I threw out. He even peed on the Christmas gifts because they were in his way! If he wanted to go out and was told no, he’d poop in front of you to show his gratitude. If there was a visitor staying overnight he’d poop on their bed along with long stares at what he considered intruders.

Once he jumped on my bed sweet as pie and doing the head butting and purring. Boy was I a sucker because he slowly straddled my arm and began to urinate.

I pressed my luck 5 yrs ago and got another kitten. My vet knew how territorial Henry was and I was under strict command to only get a female kitten; otherwise that new cat would be six feet under. I was even turned down at a no kill shelter because of Henry’s personality.

When Violet first met the King she smacked him on the head. Big mistake. Although he didn’t attack her she quickly learned she was at the bottom of the pecking order. He eventually would throw her down on the floor and bite her neck to remind her of who the boss was. It didn’t help that at one time he was 27 pounds! He went on a diet and lost 5 lbs.

He had a myriad of health issues on top of his behavior. Diverticulitis, diabetes, obesity, constipation (which made for monthly bowel evacuation trips to the vet) and UTI’s/crystals. The UTI’s were so bad he even had to get major surgery to have his penis removed! But that didn’t matter, he was still the King.

Sadly, the problems he suffered got the best of him and Henry had to put to sleep on 8/16/09 immediately after I came home from a trip to Puerto Rico. He was 13 years old. What a way to come back from vacation.

Even after the round the clock care he required, trips to the ER, the peeing and the expensive medication and food he ate he was worth it. He was one of the best cats I owned-even his cremation box says King Henry on the nameplate.You are missed, crazy kitty!!

Photo submitted by: Alina

Note: RIP King Henry. You were awesomely mean.

Name: King James
Location: Unknown

I command you to scratch the royal fluffy belly. Then I command you to hold still while I bite you for scratching the royal fluffy belly.

What makes King James so mean?

His highness came to live with us (me and my sister) after someone else declawed his royal paws! The world would pay for the injury!

King James hated his slaves’ boyfriends and would poop in the men’s shoes. He knew what shoes belonged to whom and pooped accordingly.

He once woke me from a sound sleep by punching me in the face. He had been perched above me watching me sleep and I moved before he said it was okay, so I suffered the consequences. If a dog came too close to him, wham, he’d punch them right between the eyes. With no claws, he developed a really mean right hook.

Other coping methods – he would roll on his back and pretend to want your love and affection. As soon as you put your hands out to pet his ever so soft luxuriousness, he’d bite.

While fighting a pretender to the crown (neighborhood cat) KJ and the other cat fell into the royal swimming pool. Humiliated, King James walked up the steps to the royal bedchamber, resisted all advances to aid him, and rolled all over the blanket, soaking it, before licking himself dry with his royal scratchy tongue.

The sweater shelf isn't throney enough. Place me somewhere higher and more regal at once!

He would allow himself to be held if no strangers were about and you would reward him by placing him somewhere extra high and cozy, like the sweater shelf. If you ever called him “Mr. Silky Pants” he’d get really pissed and leave the room.

He terrorized the neighbor’s indoor kitty by punching a hole in their screen door and running in to fight her under her own bed! But first, he created his own royal cat door in our apartment using the same methods.

At the end of his long reign (he lived well over 20 years) blind and arthritic, he demanded we take the day off from work to hold him while he passed to his royal reward (he went naturally, no vet, no drugs).

Meanest, greatest, most magnificent of all the kitty monarchs! The King is dead….mew.

Submitted by: Janette

Name: Kilborne
Location: SC

Treat her right or you'll end up hospitalized. You betcha.

What makes Kilborne so mean?

Kilborne was named after a street in my town. I call him “Killer” for short, and he’s about 8 years old now.

He has only bitten a few select people. Mostly he just stays in his own space lest he find you deserving enough to stroke him and scratch him behind the ears.

His victims:

• A guy I was dating had to stay in the hospital for three days after receiving a bite. Maybe not the fella for me?
• My husband’s ex wife. (This was his very first female victim) Need I say more?
• My nephew who was much younger and quite the spaz (he still has scars on his arms).

Submitted by: Leah

Name: Kimba
Location: England

The red on my head is human blood. Doesn't it look striking against my white fur?

What makes Kimba so mean?

Kimba is a mean kitty because he likes to randomly attack people who wander in his area of the house. After getting declawed, he has decided that teeth are all you really need anyway and claws would just be overkill.

Note: Meankitty and her slave do not advocate the declawing of cats, so don’t bother to send us whiny hate mail–either pro OR con–or we’ll probably mock you on the advice page.

Submitted by: Joanne