Posts Tagged ‘hunter’

Advice: Bell the Cat

Sunday, September 29th, 2013

Dear Meankitties et al,

As I was browsing though the stories and pictures of the meankitties, I noticed a few of the owners complaining that their meankitties have eaten so many birds, mice, etc. May I suggest a bell on the collar? There are many different kinds of collars available today, and you should have an ID on your kitty if they go outside. Not only will the bell help the little critters have a chance to escape kitty-mauling, but cats can pick up parasites and diseases from eating birds and mice.

Sincerely,
Arlene C., Tampa, Fl.

***

Dear Arlene,

First, instead of owners, don’t you mean staff? We kitties are the only owners in this equation. Second, I hate my bell. I loathe my bell. It totally prevents me from creep attacks in the dark midnight hours. I often rub the break-away collar off on various protruding pieces of furniture, but my typing slave always puts it back on. So what if the red ladybugs on the white collar look so fetching against my silky black and grey fur?

Sincerely,
Meankitty

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Gallery: Hannah

Monday, September 6th, 2010

Name: Hannah
Location: Houston, TX

Hannah the mean

No point in doing it in your sleep....I'll wait until you're awake and vulnerable, so I can enjoy it!

What makes Hannah so mean?

This is my in-laws’ cat Hannah. She was found abandoned by my mother in law a couple of years ago. Even though she grew up their house, she is still a ferocious, wild cat. The only two people who can touch her are my in-laws. One time she rubbed up against my wife, only because the cat thought she was my mother-in-law. The next visit, my wife tried to pet her only to be hissed at and scratched.

When I stare at her, she gives me this evil look like she plans to kill me in my sleep.

Photo submitted by: Jason

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Gallery: Adso

Thursday, August 5th, 2010

Name: Adso
Location: Allen, TX

Adso is tired

I am tired from hitching a ride in an engine compartment en route to stopping a bomb across country, pardon the yawn!

What makes Adso so mean?

I, Adso, showed up in the parking garage at my new human slave’s work, having hitched a ride in someone’s engine compartment. I was tiny and brave. My new human slave {the one with the invisible ‘SUCKER’ tattoo on her forehead only animals and little girls selling cookies can see}, brought a big bag kitten chow the next day and set about trying to tame me. She thought: ‘He’s a kitten, no prob’.

MUHAHAHAHA!!!

Little did she know. This process took about 4 months of daily visits Monday thru Friday during her breaks and lunch [I'm stubborn]. But with well thought out treats for me like rare grilled salmon, bison burger bits, bison steak [rare, of course], and yummy kitty bonkers, I finally decided she was the right sucker to come home with.

Having grown up in the wild, I have a habit of bringing new friends home. Small ones to be sure, but fuzzy things like baby bunnies and sparrows. It’s extremely fun to watch her react to the “present” I have waiting. As I barrel past her into my castle, I hear ‘ADSO!’. With a huge sigh, she picks up the offering and does what ever she does with it. I don’t care what she does with it since I have had my fun. She calls me a thrill killer — how insensitive. I am just being NICE and sharing. Humans. When will they learn?

Adso the meankitty

They...are...getting...me! So I will get them back.

I am also a fierce toe attacker. No toes are safe when I am about………those naked digits just get me.

Photo submitted by: Karrin

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Gallery: Funky

Wednesday, August 4th, 2010

Name: Funky
Location: Scotland

Funky from Scotland

Hey, don't look at me like that, she had catnip in her pocket!

What makes Funky so mean?

Funky came our way when she was about 4 months old. The first time I saw her she was sitting on my couch looking sweet and innocent. When I sat next to her, she came over and took a big bite of my ass. I knew then my fate was sealed and she would be my chief for life.

Quite the hunter, she has decimated the local mouse population and just loves baby birds, especially when they have ickle feathers. She doesn’t kill for the hell of it, she eats them too. She also does a fine business of bullying the other cats locally.

Not a lap cat, she very rarely gets close to her human subjects. She growls like a dog (probably louder actually) and is hard as nails. Her claws are along the lines of Wolverine in X-Men, fully extendable and retractable in a split second, as my hands and arms would testify.

Photo submitted by: Linda

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Gallery: Baallow

Thursday, July 15th, 2010

Name: Baallow
Location: Dunno

Baallow the Meankitty

I shall chew off the head and leave it on your pillow as a surprise!

What makes Baallow so mean?

Baallow is pure evil. She stands on top of the bookshelf next to my bedroom door and jumps, hissing and spitting, at people entering my room. She also hides under furniture and attacks peoples’ ankles when they least expect it. She will only drink milk while sitting on top of the refrigerator with me holding up the bowl until her majesty has had her fill.

Baallow loves to watch movies and, frighteningly, her favorite things to watch are the Hannibal movies. Whenever Anthony Hopkins comes on screen, she stares intently at it, and when he begins to talk she begins to purr and knead the surface she is sitting on.

Baallow the Meankitty

You look like fava beans to me, dog....

We call her HanniBaallow because of her vicious destruction of all the neighborhood small animals. I spend most mornings scraping pigeon entrails off the porch. She also brings live bats into the house without injuring them and releases them under my bed so that whenever I’m looking for something I get hit in the face with giant flying rodents.

She has bullied our dog within an inch of his life and often pushes him off his favorite mat just to annoy him. His bones, which he spends so much time burying, are tools in her breaking of his already weak spirit. She digs them up when he isn’t around and re-buries them somewhere else. The poor thing almost has hysterics when he can’t find his bones.

Photo submitted by: Anon

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