Posts Tagged ‘H’
Saturday, August 24th, 2013
Location: Columbus, OH
Head wounds bleed more, haven’t you heard? I get extra SOHC points for that.
What makes Hank so mean?
Hank the Stank (so named because he refuses to clean any of his nasty bits, I think out of principal or because he knows he smells and it bothers me) is a cat who likes to bite…your scalp and face! What started out as a cute trick (ohhh how cute, watch the kitten jump) when he was a baby has become not so funny now that he’s 10 pounds and has learned to do it “as a surprise”. Last week, I was sitting on the couch watching TV and out of nowhere, the Stank jumped onto my face and bit/scratched the TOP OF MY HEAD! I mean it bled and everything. Another cute trick he picked up (I think from hanging out with the dog too much) is when he bites, he doesn’t gnaw like most cats do. He bites down hard until he knows his teeth are hooked in and then SHAKES HIS HEAD AND PULLS (think pit-bull). Imagine how great 4 sets of claws and a pulling, shaking bite feels on top of your head.
Hank chewed up my only good pair of glasses (both lenses) and now he refuses to pay for them. I think lawyers may be involved sooner or later (or we’ll settle out of court–he’ll bite me on the face again and I’ll stop talking about it). God help anybody that tries to bathe him or clip his nails without chain mail, eye protection, and a helmet.
Photo submitted by: Mandy
Thursday, December 27th, 2012
Name: Holly Beast
You know, this “random” attack thing is misunderstood. They aren’t random. They are strategically timed to engender the greatest amount of servile obedience. But you know humans — half blind and their noses barely work to boot.
What makes Holly so mean?
We got Holly in December of 2002. She was so named because of the Christmas season. We took to calling her Holly Berry because she was so sweet and cute. She’s still a pretty cat and she can be sweet, IF she wants to be! Why is she a mean kitty?
1. Although she lives in a household of 4 cats, she thinks she should be THE cat. She randomly attacks her brother and sisters. She used to love her brother Chip, two months younger. I have pictures of them cuddled and sleeping. Now she hates his guts and hisses every time she sees him or if he sniffs her (she, of course, reserves the right to sniff his behind whenever she wants!).
2. She thinks she is the queen of my bed and will chase the other cats off.
3. She is a foodie and her figure shows it. (One of her nicknames is Short Round.) She comes running when she hears the pop of a cat food can lid and pushes the other cats away from the dish. She may have already eaten, but that doesn’t matter. Holly comes first!
4. She has to be the center of attention. She sits on my paper when I try to work the crossword puzzle. When I am at the computer, she stands in front of the screen or sits on top of my hand and the mouse pad to keep me from working. ACK! Here she is now! When I am doing my paper crafts, she sits on my supplies, even though I have given her a canvas tote bag in her own corner of the table. If you try to move her from any of these spots, she doesn’t just bite you, she GNAWS on your arm.
5. If I don’t move fast enough to do what she wants, she yells at me. It sounds an awful lot like cursing.
This is why she is now called Holly Beast, or just Beast, instead of Holly Berry.
Submitted by: Beth
Saturday, December 22nd, 2012
Name: Magick, Mystick, Medea, Merlin (House of M)
Location: Bedford, VA
A Letter From the Mean Cats of America:
Hey Mean Kitty and Big D! this is the crew at Mean Cats of America—Magick (the original), Merlin (aka Puke Boy or PB), Mystick (Hyssi Myssi) and Medea (aka The Alien In The Library or Chub Chubs)!
We had a great Christmas season—or Yule as the Slaves call it…does it matter? Everyone knows I (Magick) am the Jolla Kotter (Yule Cat who scratches out the eyes of lazy children who do not appreciate getting clothing for Christmas) and THAT was the important thing.
The tree WAS so beautiful! Slaves actually went out and bought a carousel for it so it could turn around and I could smack the balls off of all sides! What fun! Sometimes they can be so considerate! They also got an expensive new tree that has LED lights so I can’t munch on those yummy tiny bulbs–don’t know why she freaked so badly anyway. I’ve swallowed worse things than broken glass. She forgot about the Q-tip episode and the $300 vet bill!
We didn’t get a pic of Medea—she is in Solitary Confinement in the library most of the day and we only see each other in passing with much hissing and growling and a swipe or two.
Magick, on behalf of the crew—MagickMerlinMystickMedea
Magick’s Page / Mystick’s Page / Merlin’s Page / Medea’s Page / House of M Holiday Update
PS from Mommy Slave— Magick is the black Norwegian Forest Cat, Merlin is the white odd-eye, Mystick is the gray tabby/Egyptian Mau. Medea is a black Oriental who looks like she swallowed a loaf of bread whole and is in a constant state of panic. She’d be more impressive if you could HEAR her. She screams. And bites ankles. And absolutely despises the duster. Daddy Slave says the library sounds like the howling from the pits of Hell when the duster gets ‘accidentally’ left in on the books.
Submitted by: Ravyn
Wednesday, October 31st, 2012
Location: Your Halloween Nightmares
You got too close, SUCKA!
What makes Helen so mean?
Helen was found at 1 1/2 weeks in my driveway after her mama, a cat that supposedly belongs to us because we feed her, abandoned her.
Helen is a really sweet cat. To me, anyways. My mother’s best friends call her the demon-kitty, and my brother’s girlfriend is deathly afraid of her. The ONLY time she’ll warm up to anyone (well, except MY boyfriend, whom she absolutely loves) is when they’ve been around for a long time. She’s very shy, so if strangers get close she hisses and swats.
Submitted by: Kelly
Monday, July 30th, 2012
Location: Bethesda, MD
Either give me the tuna or the hardwood floor gets another waterstain, human!
What makes Helix so mean?
This is a photo of my cat, Helix, who’s generally friendly, affectionate and well behaved. Unfortunately, he has one bad habit: When he’s frustrated about something, he knocks over his “pet bistro,” which is the water cooler on the left side of the photo. This usually occurs when the food bowl is empty or the bistro is low on water. Worse yet, he pulls this stunt when my wife and I are out of the house. Our hardwood floors will never be the same.
Photo submitted by: Dave
Sunday, July 29th, 2012
Location: New York
If pooping on the rug is wrong, wrong, wrong, I don’t wanna be right.
What makes Heinz so mean?
Sure, he looks docile, peaceful and adorable. Just looking at him, you’d think he’s a little furry angel.
But I have three words for you: wrong, wrong, wrong.
I’ve nicknamed Heinz “the lurker.” His viciousness toward our other cat Jessica knows no bounds. The second Jessica finishes eating or using the litter box, Heinz leaps from out of nowhere onto her back. When she wants to go downstairs to eat, he likes to block the stairs. When she wants to go upstairs to use the litter box, he blocks the stairs again!
Heinz also hisses at me whenever I try to deodorize the rug after he (out of spite) or Jessica (because Heinz keeps her from getting to the litter box) leaves a “surprise.”
Submitted by: Steven
Saturday, July 28th, 2012
It’s not my attitude that’s the problem…it’s yours! Why do you always look like you want to be touchin’ my stuff?
What makes Heidi so mean?
This is Heidi. Our mean kitty. She has the worst attitude problem. She was my mother-in-law’s cat and when my MIL passed away, we took Heidi to live with us and our other 3 cats who are little loves.
Are you thinking about touching me? You’d better not be thinking about touching me. I’ll hiss that thought right out of your puny, human brain!
Even though Heidi is the youngest cat in the house, she acts like the most mean and crotchety old woman. She likes to hiss as you walk by to make sure you don’t even THINK about touching her. Or she will slap you as you are sitting or walking by her. Her favorite target is feet.
i’m only half-annoyed with you right now. That’s why my mouth is only half open.
She is not any better with her step sisters who just look at her and walk away as if to say “Yeah right, like you scare me”.
Submitted by: Mary-Teresa Schmidt
Friday, July 27th, 2012
Hazel, AKA Miz Thang, which explains my bad attitude right there. I’ve got a split personality. A bad one and another bad one!
What makes Hazel so mean?
She may be small but she is mighty! She rules the house and terrorizes the other cats that live here. She isn’t even six months old and loves to attack bare feet. Another favorite stunt is the death from above: while you sleep on the sofa, she will sit on the top edge and then run the full length and jump right on your face. She becomes fearful that she will fall so she hangs on to whatever body part she can reach with those sharp little needle claws of hers.
Submitted by: Deanne
Thursday, July 26th, 2012
Location: Toronto, ON
Just checking out the new posts on the “Former Strays Anonymous” message board.
What makes Hutch so mean?
Hutch looks cute, but he’s bad news. He lived on the street for a while. He is mean. Not tough mean – crazy mean. You have to have a little psycho in your back pocket to survive as a street cat.
I wish she’d fast forward through the commercials. What the hell else did we get this TiVo for?
He likes me – most of the time. He hates my dad. My dad only has to come into the same room as him and he growls and hisses with his ears back. If my dad goes near him, Hutch’ll cut him.
Hutch had to live with his cousin, my brother’s cat William, for a year and a bit. Poor William got beaten up every night. Scratches all over his face. He runs now when he sees Hutch coming.
Ok, seriously. Quit sneaking up on me, Starsky. I never liked you anyway.
Hutch sometimes escapes outside (I keep him inside, off the street, to keep the crazy repressed). When he gets out he goes completely insane. He hisses at anyone who comes near him, even me. If you try to catch him he starts howling, and if you don’t back off he’ll charge you and shred your arms and legs up.
When I was living on the mean streets of Toronto, I had to keep warm by slaughtering elk and living inside their pelts. Sometimes I miss those crazy, carefree days.
When he’s sane he’s just plain old mean. He’ll play catch-the-feet through the covers all night, gnawing on my toe and digging into my heel with his back legs. He pees on our couch every day. He comes and flops on my laptop when I am working late. When I change the sheets on the bed, he is right there underneath, attacking the sheets. I can’t move him or he’ll growl and hiss in warning.
He’s a mean little buzzard. He’s got serious issues. Being out on the street’ll do that to you.
Submitted by: Katie
Wednesday, July 25th, 2012
Location: Waltham, MA
How lovely! I can just make out the beautiful symphony of breaking glass and shattered dreams.
What makes Hope so mean?
Hope is a slightly reformed mean kitty who sometimes lets the meanness seep back through. When I first got her as a kitten, Hope immediately attempted to break everything of value to me. One of her favorite hobbies at the time was to climb on top of 6′ bookcase and bat anything breakable across the room. The sound of anything breaking was music to her ears. She delighted in knocking plants from the windowsill of our 3rd floor apartment and yowled quite loudly at the resulting crashes.
Later, when we moved into a house with roommates, Hope became quite adept at “roommate stalking,” quickly elevating it to the level of Olympic sport. She would hide around corners, just waiting for a roommate to walk past, then leap with a deafening yowl onto their legs and attempt to climb. At other times, she would pretend to be sweet and innocent, weaving between their legs, then tripping them expertly. Still, her favorite sport was ambush. We had a breakfast bar in the middle of the kitchen, covered with a table cloth, under which were two stools. Hope would climb on top of the stools, completely hidden by the tablecloth, and then leap out screeching as a roommate walked past. More than once I came running to the kitchen to find out why my roommates were screaming and traumatized.
Hope has since calmed down, she gets along quite well with my new roommates, and my former roommates are finally out of therapy. Still, Hope’s mean kitty days will forever be memorialized by the bowl bought for her by a well-meaning friend, inscribed on the side with the words “Psycho Kitty.”
Submitted by: Zarrin Reynolds