Posts Tagged ‘H’

Gallery: Harriet

Saturday, January 11th, 2014

Name: Harriet
Location: A Bookstore

Harriet is a meankitty

I'm the Joan Rivers of the bookstore fashion world, and my pet peeve (ha ha, get it? pet?) is big legged pants.

What makes Harriet so mean?

Harriet is a mean cat who works in a bookstore. Well, she doesn’t actually do any work but she runs up huge vet bills and scares customers away. Harriet came from a shelter, where she acted scared and needy in order to get some sucker to take her home. She was about 18 months old and declawed. She was chosen by me (what a fool I was) along with a 3 month old kitten to be put to work catching mice. Did she tell me that she was declawed when I agreed to take her? No, of course not. She won’t even go after a cockroach, never mind a mouse.

The declawing by her original slave(s) turned Harriet mean. The extremely well done acting job she was doing at the shelter quickly faded after she settled in. She made sure that everyone knew she might not have claws, but she had teeth and she was not afraid to use them. It started out with her biting her human co-workers if they annoyed her. Then she moved on to unprovoked attacks (“Your pants legs were too swishy, and I HAD to stop them”) and finally began sampling the customers.

Harriet has refined her attacks. She will now choose her prey, walk over and fling herself down on the floor, rolling onto her back. The prey, dazzled by the patterns in her belly fur, will then stoop down to pet it. That’s when she grabs a wrist in her soft, but strong, paws and sinks her teeth in. Sometimes if the prey seems especially strong, she might follow it around for a bit making chirping noises, to weaken the prey’s defenses. When she senses an especially weak victim, or if she’s just in a bad mood, she won’t wait for them to bend down. Instead she’ll just wrap her paws around an ankle and sink her teeth in.

Harriet says that if you come into her bookstore, your pants had better not be too baggy, too swishy, bell bottoms, have strings dangling on them or be bunched up at the bottom. Your shoes must not have ridiculous Frankenstein soles that are 5″ high. If you dare to come in wearing anything described above, better make sure you have armor on under your lame pants. Harriet will take you out.

Photo submitted by: Elizabeth

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Gallery: Hammy

Wednesday, January 8th, 2014

Name: Hammy
Location: Your Nightmares

Hammy the attack cat

I'm mad...and I'm bad...

What makes Hammy so mean?

Hammy is my earless cat. He has nearly killed a schnauzer dog named Jorge that made the mistake of visiting the house. Hammy bludgeoned Jorge into my fireplace and ripped the dog’s nose a long open wound that connected to his mouth. There are still blood stains on my ceiling from that beating. I had to mop up all of the blood and wring out the mop repeatedly. Jorge’s owner Blackie also received deep gashes to his arms and hands and face in his futile attempt to save his dog.

Hammy is a meankitty

...and I'm dangerous to know.

Hammy has also put a human that we live with named Claire in the hospital after she dared bringing home a stray cat, foolish woman. Hammy has also dominated fights with raccoons, skunks, and a large sheepdog will never, EVER, set foot in our yard again.

Photo submitted by: Keith

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Gallery: Harrison Fjord

Monday, December 30th, 2013

Name: Harrison Fjord
Location: Minnesota

Harrison Fjord the Meankitty

I'm not young anymore, ya whippersnapper. I need my fiber.

What makes Harrison so mean?

He’s got it in for newsprint in the worst way. He doesn’t play with mice. He doesn’t scratch the couch. He pretty much leaves books and magazines alone. But if he gets anywhere near a newspaper, Harrison Fjord goes mad for the ripping.

Here is a recent photo of Harrison in action. I like to think he was showing his American Pride in a feline way by ripping up an article about the terrorist attacks of September 2001. Only I think that’s the help wanted section. Either way he sure made a mess!

Photos submitted by: Gretchen
Note: This was one of the earlier cats submitted to the Meankitty Gallery, close to 9/11.

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Gallery: Hank the Stank

Saturday, August 24th, 2013

Name: Hank
Location: Columbus, OH

Hank stanks

Head wounds bleed more, haven’t you heard? I get extra SOHC points for that.

What makes Hank so mean?

Hank the Stank (so named because he refuses to clean any of his nasty bits, I think out of principal or because he knows he smells and it bothers me) is a cat who likes to bite…your scalp and face! What started out as a cute trick (ohhh how cute, watch the kitten jump) when he was a baby has become not so funny now that he’s 10 pounds and has learned to do it “as a surprise”. Last week, I was sitting on the couch watching TV and out of nowhere, the Stank jumped onto my face and bit/scratched the TOP OF MY HEAD! I mean it bled and everything. Another cute trick he picked up (I think from hanging out with the dog too much) is when he bites, he doesn’t gnaw like most cats do. He bites down hard until he knows his teeth are hooked in and then SHAKES HIS HEAD AND PULLS (think pit-bull). Imagine how great 4 sets of claws and a pulling, shaking bite feels on top of your head.

Hank chewed up my only good pair of glasses (both lenses) and now he refuses to pay for them. I think lawyers may be involved sooner or later (or we’ll settle out of court–he’ll bite me on the face again and I’ll stop talking about it). God help anybody that tries to bathe him or clip his nails without chain mail, eye protection, and a helmet.

Photo submitted by: Mandy

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Gallery: Holly Beast

Thursday, December 27th, 2012

Name: Holly Beast
Location: Georgia

Holly is a meankitty

You know, this “random” attack thing is misunderstood. They aren’t random. They are strategically timed to engender the greatest amount of servile obedience. But you know humans — half blind and their noses barely work to boot.

What makes Holly so mean?

We got Holly in December of 2002. She was so named because of the Christmas season. We took to calling her Holly Berry because she was so sweet and cute. She’s still a pretty cat and she can be sweet, IF she wants to be! Why is she a mean kitty?

1. Although she lives in a household of 4 cats, she thinks she should be THE cat. She randomly attacks her brother and sisters. She used to love her brother Chip, two months younger. I have pictures of them cuddled and sleeping. Now she hates his guts and hisses every time she sees him or if he sniffs her (she, of course, reserves the right to sniff his behind whenever she wants!).

2. She thinks she is the queen of my bed and will chase the other cats off.

3. She is a foodie and her figure shows it. (One of her nicknames is Short Round.) She comes running when she hears the pop of a cat food can lid and pushes the other cats away from the dish. She may have already eaten, but that doesn’t matter. Holly comes first!

4. She has to be the center of attention. She sits on my paper when I try to work the crossword puzzle. When I am at the computer, she stands in front of the screen or sits on top of my hand and the mouse pad to keep me from working. ACK! Here she is now! When I am doing my paper crafts, she sits on my supplies, even though I have given her a canvas tote bag in her own corner of the table. If you try to move her from any of these spots, she doesn’t just bite you, she GNAWS on your arm.

5. If I don’t move fast enough to do what she wants, she yells at me. It sounds an awful lot like cursing.

This is why she is now called Holly Beast, or just Beast, instead of Holly Berry.

Submitted by: Beth

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Gallery: House of M

Saturday, December 22nd, 2012

Name: Magick, Mystick, Medea, Merlin (House of M)
Location: Bedford, VA

A Letter From the Mean Cats of America:

House of M is full of meankitties

Hey Mean Kitty and Big D! this is the crew at Mean Cats of America—Magick (the original), Merlin (aka Puke Boy or PB), Mystick (Hyssi Myssi) and Medea (aka The Alien In The Library or Chub Chubs)!

House of M lurking meankitty

We had a great Christmas season—or Yule as the Slaves call it…does it matter? Everyone knows I (Magick) am the Jolla Kotter (Yule Cat who scratches out the eyes of lazy children who do not appreciate getting clothing for Christmas) and THAT was the important thing.

House of M ChristmasThe tree WAS so beautiful! Slaves actually went out and bought a carousel for it so it could turn around and I could smack the balls off of all sides! What fun! Sometimes they can be so considerate! They also got an expensive new tree that has LED lights so I can’t munch on those yummy tiny bulbs–don’t know why she freaked so badly anyway. I’ve swallowed worse things than broken glass. She forgot about the Q-tip episode and the $300 vet bill!

Meankiitties wreck the jointWe didn’t get a pic of Medea—she is in Solitary Confinement in the library most of the day and we only see each other in passing with much hissing and growling and a swipe or two.

Meankitty eats the present

Signed,
Magick, on behalf of the crew—MagickMerlinMystickMedea

Magick’s Page / Mystick’s Page / Merlin’s Page / Medea’s Page / House of M Holiday Update

Meankitty tired

PS from Mommy Slave— Magick is the black Norwegian Forest Cat, Merlin is the white odd-eye, Mystick is the gray tabby/Egyptian Mau. Medea is a black Oriental who looks like she swallowed a loaf of bread whole and is in a constant state of panic. She’d be more impressive if you could HEAR her. She screams. And bites ankles. And absolutely despises the duster. Daddy Slave says the library sounds like the howling from the pits of Hell when the duster gets ‘accidentally’ left in on the books.

Submitted by: Ravyn

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Gallery: Helen

Wednesday, October 31st, 2012

Name: Helen
Location: Your Halloween Nightmares

Helen is a meankitty

You got too close, SUCKA!

What makes Helen so mean?

Helen was found at 1 1/2 weeks in my driveway after her mama, a cat that supposedly belongs to us because we feed her, abandoned her.

Helen is a really sweet cat. To me, anyways. My mother’s best friends call her the demon-kitty, and my brother’s girlfriend is deathly afraid of her. The ONLY time she’ll warm up to anyone (well, except MY boyfriend, whom she absolutely loves) is when they’ve been around for a long time. She’s very shy, so if strangers get close she hisses and swats.

Submitted by: Kelly

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Gallery: Helix

Monday, July 30th, 2012

Name: Helix
Location: Bethesda, MD

Helix is a meankitty

Either give me the tuna or the hardwood floor gets another waterstain, human!

What makes Helix so mean?

This is a photo of my cat, Helix, who’s generally friendly, affectionate and well behaved. Unfortunately, he has one bad habit: When he’s frustrated about something, he knocks over his “pet bistro,” which is the water cooler on the left side of the photo. This usually occurs when the food bowl is empty or the bistro is low on water. Worse yet, he pulls this stunt when my wife and I are out of the house. Our hardwood floors will never be the same.

Photo submitted by: Dave

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Gallery: Heinz

Sunday, July 29th, 2012

Name: Heinz
Location: New York

Heinz is a meankitty

If pooping on the rug is wrong, wrong, wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

What makes Heinz so mean?

Sure, he looks docile, peaceful and adorable. Just looking at him, you’d think he’s a little furry angel.

But I have three words for you: wrong, wrong, wrong.

I’ve nicknamed Heinz “the lurker.” His viciousness toward our other cat Jessica knows no bounds. The second Jessica finishes eating or using the litter box, Heinz leaps from out of nowhere onto her back. When she wants to go downstairs to eat, he likes to block the stairs. When she wants to go upstairs to use the litter box, he blocks the stairs again!

Heinz also hisses at me whenever I try to deodorize the rug after he (out of spite) or Jessica (because Heinz keeps her from getting to the litter box) leaves a “surprise.”

Submitted by: Steven

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Gallery: Heidi

Saturday, July 28th, 2012

Name: Heidi
Location: Scaryville

Heidi is a meankitty

It’s not my attitude that’s the problem…it’s yours! Why do you always look like you want to be touchin’ my stuff?

What makes Heidi so mean?

This is Heidi. Our mean kitty. She has the worst attitude problem. She was my mother-in-law’s cat and when my MIL passed away, we took Heidi to live with us and our other 3 cats who are little loves.

Heidi is a meankitty

Are you thinking about touching me? You’d better not be thinking about touching me. I’ll hiss that thought right out of your puny, human brain!

Even though Heidi is the youngest cat in the house, she acts like the most mean and crotchety old woman. She likes to hiss as you walk by to make sure you don’t even THINK about touching her. Or she will slap you as you are sitting or walking by her. Her favorite target is feet.

Heidi is a meankitty

i’m only half-annoyed with you right now. That’s why my mouth is only half open.

She is not any better with her step sisters who just look at her and walk away as if to say “Yeah right, like you scare me”.

Submitted by: Mary-Teresa Schmidt

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