Posts Tagged ‘ferrets’

Letters: Our Favorite Letter EVAH

Monday, November 23rd, 2015

Note: This email was actually received by us. See if you can tell which parts we “revised”!!
Note the 2nd: We did not add the first mention of ferrets.

Dear Meankitty,

I’ve been looking over your “Mean Kitty” gallery, and from the descriptions of the cats it’s possible that most of them are either in chronic pain, lashing out because of it, and need veterinary care; were terribly abused when younger, and need to be treated differently than if they had had normal upbringing — again, a vet should be consulted for that; or are simply being treated in a way no self-respecting cat (or human being, for that matter) would like blah blah, and are trying to tell the human beings who treat them with disrespect to have better manners.

The blah blah remainder are very similar to cats (and ferrets) I’ve actually known to whom idiots gave psychedelic drugs when they were kittens, something which blah blah blah, at that stage of a cat’s life, permanently deranges their nervous systems, and may need antipsychotic medication — otherwise they can’t help but be paranoid at all times, frightened of everyone and everything, on an emotional roller-coaster that never stops. Cats (and ferrets) aren’t mean for no reason, any more than human beings are blah. There are always reasons, and if these people do love their cats, they really need blah blah to research the problems they’re describing here. I’d be glad to provide what information I can for each class of problems, but I’m not a professional vet, and they really ought to turn to vets as well as to the many good books on the subject for the best information for this. Blah blah.

I have a feeling that many of these people expect their cats to act like dogs blah blah blah, and treat them as if they were dogs, or gerbils, or hamsters, or blah blah blah blah blah, or whatever non-feline animal it may be, and that just doesn’t work with cats, any more than it would, say, a ferret. Or they see them as animated stuffed toys, appliances there for the owner’s convenience rather than individuals in their own blah blah blah right, with souls, spirits, and blah minds of their own. If so, they really should not have a cat. A cat is as much an individual as any human being or, for that matter, ferret, and, like a human being (or ferret), very much resents being taken for granted, and treated as if it were not a sentient, sapient being (or ferret) with its own emotional and spiritual as well as physical needs. A good veterinarian (or ferret) can make this clearer.

But the gist of it is that some people just aren’t meant to have cats (or ferrets) blah blah blah ferrets blah blah. Maybe dogs are better for them and they for dogs, say, or maybe some other type of pet. People should have the types of pets they can empathize with, whom they can see as people — albeit non-human people — in their own right, and I have a feeling some of these nice people whose cats are portrayed here just aren’t able to empathize very well with their cats blah blah blah, blah.

Blah blah blah dogs want us to be pack-leaders, and live to obey us. Cats (and ferrets) want true I-thou blah blah blah relationships with us, in which they are seen by us blah as emotional and spiritual peers, blah blah. True, they don’t have the keys to the car blah blah and couldn’t use them if they did (though ferrets could), but the same blah blah blah blah is true of a quadriplegic. Think of blah blah blah Sir Stephen Hawking, the world-renowned blah cosmologist and physicist (and ferret), who has been completely paralyzed for many years save for the one finger he can move to type blah blah blah and thus communicate with others (and ferrets). Trapped in a body that doesn’t work any more, blah blah blah, he has been able to change the whole universe for us (and ferrets) as no one since Einstein has, blah blah blah blah.

Obviously his body doesn’t have much to say about what he is blah blah blah blah blah blah blah spiritually and emotionally! The same is true of cats (and ferrets). Their spirits and souls are as blah blah blah big as those of Sir Stephen. When we don’t acknowledge that, they really resent that blah blah blah — and they also, understandably, become afraid of us, because if we don’t see them as intelligent beings in their own right, we are very likely to mistreat them (and ferrets), and they know that blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah meow blah blah. Fear makes beings lash out at whoever and whatever they fear (and ferrets) — hence the “meanness” of those “mean” kitties blah blah meow meow blah blah. They aren’t congenitally meow blah blah meow bad — they are chronically insulted, outraged, and fearful (like ferrets). Or they are permanently stoned meeeeeeow blaaaaaaah because some moron gave them blah blah LSD as kittens, or they are in chronic agony because of internal blah blah blah blah injuries that haven’t been properly treated (by ferrets).

One way or another, the cats (and ferrets) aren’t the only ones with attitude problems blah blah blah blah — and the attitude “problems” they have are, in most cases, at least, highly reasonable reactions to what they justifiably perceive as ill-treatment of one sort or another. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah meow bark bark hiss poo poo blah blah blah. Maybe they just get tired of bad manners on our part. Or they could be reacting to the very real, physical pain somebody puts them in picking them up the wrong way blah blah blah blah blah blah mewwwwwwwwow blah, aggravating old injuries (made by ferrets). Or they may need blah blah blah blah antipsychotic medication to control a condition (like ferret rash) they really can’t help and aren’t responsible for blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah meow.

Whatever it is, I think someone ought to let the owners of blah blah blah blah blah blather blah humph meow blah blah these cats (and ferrets) know that they might want to check with a good vet (or ferret) to see blah blah blah blah blah what actually underlies the behavior problems blah blah blah blah blah cat cat ferret cat potato head pink thing cat blah blah — or find a home for their blah blah meow meow blah blah cats where the cats will be cherished blah blah blah blah blah for what they are, and cared for properly, and get a pet for themselves (like ferrets) they can empathize with blah blah blah blah blah and take care of properly, instead. Blah blah blah blah blah ferret love blah blah meow blah blah eat tuna blah blah blah blah blah blah blah meow bark bark bark bark bow-wow.

Name Withheld to Protect the Humorless


Dear Human,

Oh. My. Meow.



Gallery: Tuxedo Max

Saturday, August 3rd, 2013

Name: Tuxedo Max
Location: Unknown

Tuxedo Max is a meankitty

I know I'm a lightweight when it comes to SOHC qualifications, but I'm a heavyweight in mah belly!

What makes T-Max so mean?

Tuxedo Max (AKA TuxTux KittyKitty) may not LOOK mean (or even act mean) but he IS! In his high and mighty snuggliness, he endeavors to suffocate me at least once a day. The attack is usually preceded by the tried and true “Look at my cute belly!” maneuver. Once I succumb to the charm of that flashy white belly (which is huge, by the way, he’s a 20 pounder), and pick him up, he proceeds to headbutt me and block my breathing passages with his massive, longhaired sides. Also when he is in full purring smother attack, he has been known to ever so slowly get his face close to that sensitive part of my inner arm and CHOMP! He bites down with those long and pointy teeth. The only way to stave off these attacks of smothering is to fill his food dish heaping full, immediately. Or offer him catnip, in which case, he is reduced to a puddle of drooling mush. I’m sure that’s just a ploy, to get me to offer him more munchy snacks.

Photo submitted by: Elisa


Advice: Ferrets Watch Porn

Wednesday, August 11th, 2010

Dear Meankitty,

My 2 cats love going to the bathroom where ever they please. Their previous spot was at the bottom of the stairs but now they have moved into the DINING ROOM. They have been tested for diseases and I have tried everything from PetZyme and Animal Solutions to covering the area(s) w/ plastic or aluminum foil. It should be know that there are a total of 14 pets and 5 people living in this household. (11 are caged: bird, ferrets, and a rabbit; that leaves our pathetic loudmouth Sheltie). I have a suspicion this all start with my meankitty running my prissy kitty out of the litterbox.

Any new ideas?

Emmie, Future D.V.M.


Dear Emmie,

Your cats wrote me behind your back and said it was the DOG who’s got the potty problem, not them! They didn’t want to rat the stupid canine out, but they are offended you accused them of being unable to hit the litterbox in a public forum. So that’s the way it is. And, also, the FERRETS get out of their cage at night and watch porn.