Meankitty.com

Dear Meankitty,

I just wanted to say thanks for making me laugh!

I had a long day
Not a grin to be found
Until your meankitties
Stole my frown!

Grinning like a loon,
Allergicbutloven

***

Dear Allergic,

Oooh, kitty fan poetry! Just don’t turn into a stalker or anything like Tom. I mean, Tom sounds cute and all, but sheesh! I’m so over the whole having kittens thing.

Signed,
Meankitty

Dearest Meankitty,

How dare somebody on the internet offer you insult! You just say the word and I will put a scratch out on them. Heck, I will even take care of the Big Scratch myself. C.Mathers is not LONG FOR THIS WORLD in one piece. Talk about pathetical. Doesn’t the lame human have anything better to do than insult people on the internet? C.Mathers obviously loves dogs and probably is a vegetarian. Also probably sleeps on a futon, or maybe the floor, and never reads the newspaper. I think I’m going to enlist the skunk mafia. You know what they can do to humans who get on their bad side. Good one, huh?

Your Biggest Fan,
Tom

***

Dear Tom,

There’s no need to defend me. There’s especially no need to involve the Stench Mob. I like all the emails I get from people who visited the site. Even dogs, because then we can mock them. “People who visited the site”, of course, does not include spammers or their evil spidery network programs.

Sincerely,
Meankitty

Dear Meankitty,

So am I to gather from your previous post that you would like to see photographs of me and more information about what kind of cat I am? Why, Meankitty, sweet sweet yet mean feline, is that a proposition?

Sincerely,
Tom

***

Dear Tom,

No. Any meankitty who sends the proper information can be in my Gallery. Within reason.

Sincerely,
Meankitty

Dear Meankitty,

Hi, it’s me again. Tom. I stop by your site multiple times a day just to see if you’ve posted any more photos of yourself. I mean, of other cats in your Gallery. While they can’t compare to you in meanness or beauty, I do enjoy learning about my fellow felines and all the things they do to rule their parts of the world.

Would you like to know some of the things I do? I like walking along fences in the moonlight, holding paws, sharpening my claws on expensive furniture, cleaning beautiful lady cat’s whiskers, gourmet tuna, presenting my love with dead rodents, messing up fresh catboxes, chasing string, and a little dose of catnip every so often. But not that often, I’m not a nip head.

Sincerely,
Tom

***

Dear Tom,

If you would like to be in the Meankitty Gallery, you probably need to send a photo and some specific details about how mean you are to your humans. I’ll be looking for your email!

Sincerely,
Meankitty