Posts Tagged ‘F’

Gallery: Fluffy

Saturday, February 1st, 2014

Name: Fluffy
Location: Backyard

Fluffly is a meankitty

One guess what I'm doing in this photo... Heh heh heh.

What makes Fluffy so mean?

Don’t let the sappy name fool you. Fluffy’s harmless with humans, but most other kitties–watch out! He steals my other cat’s food (in addition to eating his own) and will actually shove Max (the nice kitty) out of the way to get to it. He’s also a chaser. My late cat Bosco took to living in the basement to avoid him chasing her and batting at her with his paws. Amazingly enough, I still adore him.

Submitted by: Denise

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Gallery: Felix’s Advantage Story

Thursday, January 9th, 2014

What makes Felix even meaner than the other post about him?

A short story by Nanny Slave

I own two cats, a long haired brother and sister combo. Felix, the larger of the pair, is a gregarious and hungry cat, and Nala is dainty and skittish. They are indoor cats. I live in my grandmother’s old house, and one would assume there are no fleas here — this house has never been home to any pet that anyone can remember until now. Although my dear Felix tears his hair from his bottom, and fey little Nala pukes with abandon, I have never seen a flea to mar their silky white coats. And yet they scratch like fiends.

Therefore, I took it upon myself to invest in Advantage flea treatments, top-of-the-line parasite protection conveniently available from my veterinarian. It is said to protect cats from a variety of external parasites, including all types of fleas, ticks, and household mites.

“Great,” says I. “I didn’t even know I needed to be worrying about mites.”

I purchases two doses of the miraculous Advantage at fifteen dollars per tube. I did not care for this price, might I add, but for the safety and health of my cats, I splurge. Some people treat themselves to new shoes; I buy fancy cat medicine. What a life.

I requested that my good friend Paul visit my house that eve so that he could assist me with the application of the Advantage. I did not tell him the reason for my invitation, for he would not have come, had he known. Advantage is dispensed in a slim, pointy tube with a twist-off plastic top. The distribution process involves placing the tube spout against the animal’s skin between the shoulder blades and slightly squeezing the liquid onto the skin as you move up towards the head, against the growth of the animals’ hair.

Felix's Advantage Story

I just gone done with some Nala shoulder blade licking. Why ith my tongue so numb?

Let me just add that Felix and Nala have very thick hair. Rarely do I see any skin through their long snowy fur, except of course on the butt of Felix, which is bald and very pink. I had my doubts as to whether I could apply Advantage directly to the animal skin, but I was assured by my veterinarian that as long as I went against the hair growth and applied the liquid as close to the skin as possible, the medicine would be successful. The shoulder blade location is key because it is supposedly unreachable by cat tongues.

The digestion of Advantage, while not dangerous to a cat’s well-being, is unpleasant and to be avoided. I asked my vet if I could eat it, and she gave me a very strange look.

Once Paul had arrived, been informed of the impending task, and paid five bucks to stay, we discussed which cat would be most cooperative. The obvious answer was Felix; therefore, we thought to do Nala first, so that she would not be alerted to the treatment and disappear. We discussed which methods of capture and procedures of application would be most effective for each cat. Nala would take a quick grab and firm, precise tube positioning and squeezing; Felix could be lulled into a stupor with languorous petting.

During this conversation, we referred to the two as “She” and “He” because my cats get angry if you say their names repetitively. I rose from the couch to pluck the tubules from my pocket, and Nala promptly tore off into her bedroom. She wedged herself under the bed in the farthest corner and laughed at me when I looked under the edge.

So I told Paul we would do Felix first, and to get started with the languorous petting. This took about ten minutes and several handfuls of hair. Paul lifted Felix onto his lap, groaning at the surprisingly solid weight that only a sixteen-pound long-haired cat can have. Felix lobbed his big old head onto Paul’s knee and purred.

We began searching for the shoulder blades. These were difficult to discern through the lumps of over-fed kitty flesh, but we finally identified the location. I squeezed the Advantage tube. Nothing came out. I found that it was not a simple twist-off cap; one had to twist off part of the cap and use it to stab through a small hole in the top of the tube.

This meant I had to turn on the overhead light, at which Felix started to wake up. Snap, snap! and I had the tube open and ready for action. I leaned over Paul’s lap and deftly applied the liquid as close to the skin as possible just as Felix began to struggle and complain loudly.

Felix leapt off Paul’s lap and shook himself, turning his back on us to reveal a thoroughly wet spot on his left shoulder blade. You will note that I did not say, between the right and left shoulder blades. I missed the spot. The licking began, and the tasting of something nasty, and the fussy yowling.

Nala came into the kitchen during this process and watched very intently. I suggested that Paul play with her favorite toy, while I pre-prepared the tube of Advantage for a quicker execution of the act.

Snap! went the tube, and Zoom! went Nala out of the room. We tried to corner her unsuccessfully several times. Felix was smacking his lips and yelling, “What is this stuff on me?”, making things worse.

I finally nabbed Nala in the hallway and carried her to Paul, who was in position in a chair in the middle of the kitchen floor. He was wearing thick black work jeans. I placed Nala on his lap, she placed her back claws in his legs (the cats do not have front claws), and suddenly he was wearing not-so-fashionable ripped jeans, with ripped flesh beneath. He held on stoically, and I approached with the tube.

“Reeeee-aaaaah!” came from Nala’s mouth, a sound unlike anything I have ever heard before in my life, except on Animal Planet when a fierce lioness is bellowing a challenge. She leapt straight up from Paul’s lap, tearing more flesh and pants, jumped through the space between my arm and my body, and landed in the living room floor. Miraculously, she did not run away, but crouched there staring up at me accusingly.

We took a moment to re-coup. Paul cleaned the wounds on his legs with Bactine. Felix came into the kitchen, as he often does. He gargled at me, which he does not often do. I looked down at the strangulated, bubbly noise and saw that Felix was frothing excessively at the mouth. His whole face was slick and wet, and strings of foam hung from his lips to the floor.

At that point I said a very bad word I cannot write here or this website would cease to be PG rated.

I called the veterinarian’s emergency number. The doctor on duty assured me that drool was the normal reaction of a cat who was eating Advantage Treatment. The product is formulated to taste very unpleasant, but the occasional cat will ingest it anyway. He said that the foaming reaction was also normal and would diminish. He mentioned that I would not likely need to repeat treatment; only particularly stubborn, strange, or badly-behaved cats continue to eat Advantage Treatment after the initial adverse reaction.

“That would be Felix,” says I.

The vet promised I could pick up another tube of Advantage at no charge from the clinic for the re-application.

Nala had crept back into the kitchen during this episode. We tried to nab her again and missed. Another attempt to nab ten minutes later, another miss. Several nabs, several misses. We agreed to wait a bit.

Paul went back to his drawing table while I sat on my bed and stewed. Nala climbed up on the bed with me. I reached over, grabbed, dragged her to me, and squirted the tube of Advantage I still held in my hand right between her shoulder blades. The process took one minute. She ran away, and I went into other room to crow of my success. Paul was amazed. He looked down at his railroaded thighs, and his face took on a bit of a surly look. I left him to his drawing.

I strolled past the cat bedroom in triumph. I knew Nala had run under the bed, and I couldn’t help myself. I crouched down on the floor to grin triumphantly at her.

She was not alone. Felix was under the bed, too, licking right between Nala’s shoulder blades and frothing at the mouth.

Story submitted by Nanny Slave, whom Meankitty loves to torture above many things

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Gallery: Felix

Thursday, January 9th, 2014

Name: Felix
Location: Tennessee (at the time)

Felix and Nala

See how we're redecorating the furniture with a silken white mist of fur?

What makes Felix so mean?

Felix is mean because he always beats up his sister Nala. Felix is on the left and Nala is on the right. This might look like they are being sweet and loving, but trust me, they are NOT.

He is a lot bigger than she is so when he whacks her, he whacks her a real good one. There are tufts of Nala hair all over my house like in the second photo. Felix is the big lunk on the left and Nala is on the right. I mean, just check out that look in his eyes! Of course he’s a meankitty!

Story submitted by Nanny Slave. Happy Birthday Nanny Slave

RIP Felix and Nala. Felix is missed and Nala is not all that missed.

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Gallery: Fat & Lazy

Tuesday, December 31st, 2013

Name: Fat & Lazy
Location: Next door to Stupid

Fat & Lazy the Meankitty

I might be a cat, and I might be a stylishly matching couch cushion, but don't sit on me or I'll bite your butt.

What makes Fat and Lazy so mean?

Meankitty likes F&L’s photo, but his or her person did not see fit to include a story. So Meankitty will tell you a little story of her own.

One day Meankitty was sitting on the top of her cat tree staring down at her housemate D. D wanted to be up on top of the cat tree, but Meankitty got there first. So Meankitty made sure no humans were watching and gave D the kitty flip-off to rub in the fact that she was on top of the cat tree and not him. But she still wouldn’t get down and let D have a turn on the top of the cat tree, not even when it was tuna time, because she knew her Human Tuna Slave would bring her tasty tidbit of tuna and put it on the cat tree for her. The End.

And let this boring story be a lesson to future hopefuls in Meankitty’s Gallery: tell your own story or Meankitty will bore you to tears!

Photo submitted by: Jerel, possibly

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Gallery: Foo Foo

Sunday, October 6th, 2013

Name: Foo Foo
Location: Unknown

Foo Foo is a meankitty

Human! Oh, Human! Your presence and your opposable thumbs are required.

What makes Foo Foo so mean?

Foo Foo and her brother Puss are rescues.

[[Meankitty's note: This means the cats rescued the humans from an otherwise humdrum life.]

Sitting at the door, she looks so demure and sweet like she can’t do anything for herself. But this is one smart cat! She steals the stoppers out of the bathroom sinks and has lost two earrings each from a different set down the drain. The other day I found a plastic cap from a hairspray bottle down there. Lucky for me I could get it out with tweezers.

In the summer I open my windows. Well, Foo Foo stands on the towel bar uses her claws to pull the screen in towards her and lets herself out.

Why she is sitting at the door? I don’t know, because she pushes that same bathroom screen in to let herself in.

Foo Foo

Ha! My humans only *thinks* I lost the earrings down the sink. In reality I've been swapping them for catnip with this tom I met on the street. Sometimes it's a bit hard to transport them without opposable thumbs, but there's always more earrings where those came from.

She is also a biter, but not hard. I think the biting is a form of affection. At night when I am lying in bed reading, Foo Foo lays on my chest and rubs and bites my hands.

Submitted by: Incenselady and her brood

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Gallery: Fatboy

Saturday, September 14th, 2013

Name: Fatboy
Location: Invercargill, New Zealand

Fatboy the meankitty

Right now I don't want the love, I want the privacy.

What makes Fatboy so mean?

FatBoy just loves to torment his sister Possum. He stalks her at every opportunity, and boy, what a yowling ensues. I am not sure who wins these fights, but Poss sure can scream. It is quite unnerving and I try to warn the GirlyGirl when I can – when I see the boy giving her “the look”. I yell “POSSIE!” at her & she runs.

Fatty is one pure loving machine. He loves to be loved. Especially at all times of the night when he will sit on my face, purr super loudly & ever so gently claw my face. Burrowing under the covers or rolling over works for only so long. This is one determined kitty (all 7kg’s of him!). All he wants is a big love so he can go to the food bowl & scoff. The bowl always has food in it but this cat MUST be patted before he will partake. Cute, but annoying too, especially where sleep is involved. If I am reading a book in bed he will lie on the book & purr & look so winsome that I just have to drop the book & give him loves.

Fatboy in sink

What happened to Lake Kittydrinkie?

This cat loves chocolate & chips. He will stare at me & I have taken to eating furtively in the kitchen. If I don’t turn on the tap in the bathroom when he wants the water, I get this loud long suffering meow which gets me running lickety split to turn on the tap. I suppose this is partly my fault in that he has FLUTD (Feline Lower Urinary Tract Disease) & must drink water & lots of it. The biccies I have him on are high in sodium for this very purpose. Hence me running when he wants water.

Photo submitted by: Lena

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Gallery: Fugazi

Monday, April 1st, 2013

Name: Fugazi
Location: San Fran

Fugazi is a meankitty

I’m not doing anything wrong…right now…quit giving me the stink eye!

What makes Fugazi so mean?

This is Fugazi, the kitty who won’t grow. She is well over a year old now, and is still her same 4 lbs. The vet says she’s healthy, so who knows.

Anyway, “Fuger” has a taste for plastic and human blood. She has trashed four sets of mini-blinds by chewing through them. I know this is how she did it because I clean her litter box. (You always find the evidence!) She also eats plastic bags and entire books of matches. She has figured out how to remove the screens from the windows and escape, so I can no longer open windows in my apartment.

“Fuger” waits patiently under the bed just behind the ruffle for me to walk by…claws raking into my ankles. She is also quite fond of disappearing while you are enjoying quiet time on the couch, only to come full speed from the bedroom to pounce on the back of the couch. This is done to either scare the bejeezus out of you, or take a taste of your head before retreating back to her bed hideaway.

Sometimes she puts away her mean-ness long enough to come cuddle up on your lap. She purrs and snuggles close. Awww. Isn’t that sweet? You reach down to pet her soft fur…

…and she wraps her entire body around your arm, claws digging in, and begins to eat you. I love her anyway. :).

Submitted by: Amanda

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Gallery: Fudgie

Sunday, March 31st, 2013

Name: Fudgie
Location: Unknown

Fudgie hates tigger

Die, Tigger, die!

What makes Fudgie so mean?

Fudgie’s so mean he’s taken over a stuffed animal and refuses to give it back. Tigger goes everywhere with Fudge, usually by being dragged around by the jugular area. Needless to say, this mean kitty has removed all the ‘fur’ from Tigger’s neck and the stuffed tiger looks like the victim of an insane vampire attack.

Fudgie also chases our two dogs around the house, although the parrot did manage to show him who is boss with a Kung Fu maneuver. Since then, Fudgie gets even by taking naps in the parrot’s cage, which forces the bird to the top until Fudgie decides he’d rather be chasing the dogs or demanding a sniff and a lick of whatever we’re eating. Fudgie also stalks the house like a great cat of the Serengeti, ready to run out and pounce on anyone who dares to think they can just walk anywhere they want in his house. He insists on supervising us in the bathroom and will howl if we don’t let him in.

Fudgie is a meankitty

Die, human, die!

We’ve given up trying to eat at the kitchen table, since this appears to be Fudgie’s private domain. Whether its the surface or the seats, this mean kitty has never heard of sharing. Even when Fudgie is being a good boy and lets you pet him, if you even consider stopping, he wraps his paws around your hand and holds it in place. Rubbing the Fudge can take hours or days; people have starved to death in the process. The UN has been notified.

Submitted by: Trista

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Gallery: Frisky

Saturday, March 30th, 2013

Name: Frisky
Location: Mars

Frisky is a meankitty

Don’t. You. Dare.

What makes Frisky so mean?

Frisky is one mean old man. He is 14 years old and every year becomes a bit more ornery. His favorite ploy is to nuzzle my face and then when I least expect it try to bite my chin off. He is attacking me as I am writing because my arm is moving. That must be the body part of choice for today that he has decided must not be allowed to move or will be attacked. This changes daily.

Frisky eats dumb stuff

Hey, that tangerine on your plate looks really barfworthy! Think I’ll swipe it.

He is so senile and selfish that he will meow at the top of his lungs all night long until I meow back, get up and pet him. Then he proceeds to run through the house like there was a fire, repeatedly. For my feeding time his favorite game is to stand below my feet just out of sight so I step on his tail. Then while petting him he will race away and steal whatever may be on my plate within his reach. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t like it, he will steal the food anyway, then puke it up right in the main walk path.

Frisky is a senile kitty

MEOW MEOW MEOW! I’m not senile, I’m a kitty lounge singer.

He is so ornery that one time I cleaned the litter box in front of him and that must not have been clean enough because he sniffed it and walked over to the fake tree and did his business!

Submitted by: Mallory

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Gallery: Freya

Friday, March 29th, 2013

Name: Freja
Location: Sacremento, CA

Freya freja is a meankitty

Could you give me a hand here? I batted your car keys under the couch and I can’t seem to reach them.

What makes Freja so mean?

Freja screams bloody murder if you pick her up to give her luvvies. She doesn’t like to be held. She pees on our luggage outta spite when we return from a weekend trip. She has “issues”. When she and her buddy Thor were kittens, they would terrorize our apartment like two rampant squirrels. We have sacrificed plants, flowers in vases, and our carpet from glasses being knocked over by these terrors.

Submitted by: Laura

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