Meankitty.com

Name: Fugazi
Location: San Fran

I’m not doing anything wrong…right now…quit giving me the stink eye!

What makes Fugazi so mean?

This is Fugazi, the kitty who won’t grow. She is well over a year old now, and is still her same 4 lbs. The vet says she’s healthy, so who knows.

Anyway, “Fuger” has a taste for plastic and human blood. She has trashed four sets of mini-blinds by chewing through them. I know this is how she did it because I clean her litter box. (You always find the evidence!) She also eats plastic bags and entire books of matches. She has figured out how to remove the screens from the windows and escape, so I can no longer open windows in my apartment.

“Fuger” waits patiently under the bed just behind the ruffle for me to walk by…claws raking into my ankles. She is also quite fond of disappearing while you are enjoying quiet time on the couch, only to come full speed from the bedroom to pounce on the back of the couch. This is done to either scare the bejeezus out of you, or take a taste of your head before retreating back to her bed hideaway.

Sometimes she puts away her mean-ness long enough to come cuddle up on your lap. She purrs and snuggles close. Awww. Isn’t that sweet? You reach down to pet her soft fur…

…and she wraps her entire body around your arm, claws digging in, and begins to eat you. I love her anyway. .

Submitted by: Amanda

Name: Fudgie
Location: Unknown

Die, Tigger, die!

What makes Fudgie so mean?

Fudgie’s so mean he’s taken over a stuffed animal and refuses to give it back. Tigger goes everywhere with Fudge, usually by being dragged around by the jugular area. Needless to say, this mean kitty has removed all the ‘fur’ from Tigger’s neck and the stuffed tiger looks like the victim of an insane vampire attack.

Fudgie also chases our two dogs around the house, although the parrot did manage to show him who is boss with a Kung Fu maneuver. Since then, Fudgie gets even by taking naps in the parrot’s cage, which forces the bird to the top until Fudgie decides he’d rather be chasing the dogs or demanding a sniff and a lick of whatever we’re eating. Fudgie also stalks the house like a great cat of the Serengeti, ready to run out and pounce on anyone who dares to think they can just walk anywhere they want in his house. He insists on supervising us in the bathroom and will howl if we don’t let him in.

Die, human, die!

We’ve given up trying to eat at the kitchen table, since this appears to be Fudgie’s private domain. Whether its the surface or the seats, this mean kitty has never heard of sharing. Even when Fudgie is being a good boy and lets you pet him, if you even consider stopping, he wraps his paws around your hand and holds it in place. Rubbing the Fudge can take hours or days; people have starved to death in the process. The UN has been notified.

Submitted by: Trista

Name: Frisky
Location: Mars

Don’t. You. Dare.

What makes Frisky so mean?

Frisky is one mean old man. He is 14 years old and every year becomes a bit more ornery. His favorite ploy is to nuzzle my face and then when I least expect it try to bite my chin off. He is attacking me as I am writing because my arm is moving. That must be the body part of choice for today that he has decided must not be allowed to move or will be attacked. This changes daily.

Hey, that tangerine on your plate looks really barfworthy! Think I’ll swipe it.

He is so senile and selfish that he will meow at the top of his lungs all night long until I meow back, get up and pet him. Then he proceeds to run through the house like there was a fire, repeatedly. For my feeding time his favorite game is to stand below my feet just out of sight so I step on his tail. Then while petting him he will race away and steal whatever may be on my plate within his reach. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t like it, he will steal the food anyway, then puke it up right in the main walk path.

MEOW MEOW MEOW! I’m not senile, I’m a kitty lounge singer.

He is so ornery that one time I cleaned the litter box in front of him and that must not have been clean enough because he sniffed it and walked over to the fake tree and did his business!

Submitted by: Mallory

Name: Freja
Location: Sacremento, CA

Could you give me a hand here? I batted your car keys under the couch and I can’t seem to reach them.

What makes Freja so mean?

Freja screams bloody murder if you pick her up to give her luvvies. She doesn’t like to be held. She pees on our luggage outta spite when we return from a weekend trip. She has “issues”. When she and her buddy Thor were kittens, they would terrorize our apartment like two rampant squirrels. We have sacrificed plants, flowers in vases, and our carpet from glasses being knocked over by these terrors.

Submitted by: Laura

Name: Frankie
Location: Huntington Beach, CA

See me wink at you? Yes, luring you to the kitchen at 5 am was a little joke of mine!

What makes Frankie so mean?

This is my roommate’s cat, named after Old Blue Eyes. At first glance you find a cat that seems so sweet and innocent. Then at 5:30am, when my alarm goes off, you hear it. The loudest meow that is more ear piercing than a fire alarm! When I go to check on the beast, he makes you follow him into the kitchen where it appears that he wants to play. I have been fooled again, and he commences to chew on my ankles and my hands when I try to pry him off before I bleed to death.

This is me laughing at stupid sleepwalking humans…hee hee hee!

God forbid my boyfriend and I walk out the door and leave the screen door open. Frankie would scream so loud, you could hear him clear across the complex. This was until he pulled the mesh off the screen and learned to jump from the second story balcony and land in the ivy below. Quite an amazing feat, yet to be caught on camera.

Submitted by: Melissa

Name: Frank
Location: Ontario

I’d love to sink these white, gleaming babies into a raw potato.

What makes Frank so mean?

Although he’s sometimes a sweetheart, Frank can get quite nasty (just look at those fangs). He spends most of his time doing horrible things he’s not supposed to do, such as hanging off the shower curtain, destroying furniture, and clawing at the kitchen cupboards until he can get at some of his favourite toys, raw potatoes (no, really). His sisters, Spliffy & Black, are constantly under attack, and even though they are older and wiser than he, he has no respect for them whatsoever. He will chase them from one end of the apartment and back until HE decides he’s had enough and collapses in a heap.

You got me snipped, you human doofus! Just for that I’m licking my butt and drooling into your mouth. MMMMMMMMM.

We know when Frank is on the prowl, because of the constant yowling (even though he is fixed. Maybe that’s what he’s yowling about.) If he decides you shouldn’t be sleeping, he’ll let you know. He’ll yowl and yowl until you have no choice but to lock him out of the bedroom in the wee small hours, at which point he’ll claw at the carpet under the bedroom door until it peels away from the floor and folds up, thereby locking you IN the bedroom…very nasty.

When he decides to be affectionate (usually when you’re trying to sleep), he stomps on your chest with his huge tiger paws and DROOLS, sometimes in your eye or mouth.

Submitted by: Lisa M.

Name: Francesca
Location: Unknown

The slave tried to put flowers on me to make me look sweet… I don’t think it works, do you?

What makes Francesca so mean?

Meet Francesca, my mean Manx. She’s wakes me at 4:30 a.m. every day with loud meows and jogs across my body so I’ll get up and cater to her feline Highness’s every need! For example…

“My bowl is full of dry food that’s been there for a ghastly 6 hours…throw it out and replenish it with fresh stuff!”
“I need the faucet turned on for my drinking pleasure immediately!”
“Let me outside right meow-now so I can roll on the ground and play with my toys outside!”

She lures me to pet her then tosses her head and ears back to reveal devilish green eyes, sharp teeth, hisses and claws whatever part of my body she can reach. That’s certainly a mood killer!

She hates other people, cats and raccoons and loves birds and bugs. Loves to EAT birds and bugs, that is!

Submitted by: Lani

Name: Fletcher
Location: Chapel Hill, NC

My favorite toy. Watch…it still blinks!

What makes Fletcher so mean?

Mr. Fletcher Neville is a meankitty. He thinks he is too sexy for his collar. He also oozes attitude at frequent intervals.

You walk past me without genuflecting, you get a claw to the ankle. You genuflect, you get a claw to the ankle.

If you get within ten feet of him, he will adopt “the look” that warns you not to come any closer. And if you insanely decide to brave his claws, he will adopt “the other look” right before leaping for your throat. Ok, maybe not your throat, but you know what I mean. He’s just one bad cat.

When the human said “vet”, evil green lights clicked on in Fletcher’s yellow eyes.

Submitted by: Toby Jill

Name: Foxy
Location: Unknown

There USED to be six puppies….heh heh heh

What makes Foxy so mean?

Foxy is a mean kitty cause she will lay in wait for you as you are walking through the house and jump on you and scare the heck out of you! Or just as you are falling asleep in the chair, she will jump on the back of the chair and start chewing on your hair. Mmmmm, hair.

The remaining puppies will be forever traumatized by the sight of nighttime glowing eyes…

But what makes her really really mean is the fact that we have a litter of puppies in the house and she will wait on the outside of the puppy pen until a small helpless pup comes wandering over. Just when the pup think it’s safe, she will pounce over the top of the pen and jump on the pup and take it down. She also claws over the top of the pen hoping to catch a puppy ear or tail. She just “loves” the puppies.

Submitted by: H. Slave

Biding my time...biding my time...

What makes Fanzania so mean?

This mean looking shaded silver Persian is really the sweetest cat I have, but she looks mean. That is how she manages to stay alive. Stare ‘em down! And she does. Fanzania is about 10 now and loves to take her beautiful white coat outside and lay around. She does come to me for love, and to give love when I am at the computer. She has chewed two mouse cords in two and batted the mouse on the floor. Actually that is the meanest thing she does. This is one of her ‘looks’.

Photo submitted by: Sharon