Posts Tagged ‘dogs’
Wednesday, January 8th, 2014
Location: Your Nightmares
I'm mad...and I'm bad...
What makes Hammy so mean?
Hammy is my earless cat. He has nearly killed a schnauzer dog named Jorge that made the mistake of visiting the house. Hammy bludgeoned Jorge into my fireplace and ripped the dog’s nose a long open wound that connected to his mouth. There are still blood stains on my ceiling from that beating. I had to mop up all of the blood and wring out the mop repeatedly. Jorge’s owner Blackie also received deep gashes to his arms and hands and face in his futile attempt to save his dog.
...and I'm dangerous to know.
Hammy has also put a human that we live with named Claire in the hospital after she dared bringing home a stray cat, foolish woman. Hammy has also dominated fights with raccoons, skunks, and a large sheepdog will never, EVER, set foot in our yard again.
Photo submitted by: Keith
Saturday, February 11th, 2012
Location: Bizarro World
Cat? Dog? CAT? DOG? Who is who and what is going on here??
What makes Maggy so mean?
This kitty is named Maggy. She has 7 toes on each front paw and a huge fluffly tail. The pup is a boxer named Roxie and is her best friend. They play all the time.
[Meankitty's note: THAT IS JUST SICK!]
This dog USED to have a tail. Heh heh heh...
However, Maggy is, after all, a cat, and that means plenty of attitude. Sometimes she gets sick of Roxie pushing her around when they play and then Roxie gets a real boxing and real attitude from Maggy.
If looks alone could kill, we’d be less one pup around here!
Submitted by: Carol
Tuesday, January 4th, 2011
Location: Kansas City
If I let them use the bathroom, they might find the catnip stash I've got hidden in there.
What makes Nigel so mean?
When we first got Nigel, we set up a comfortable room for him in our house, a small dressing room attached to the guest bathroom. Nigel soon figured out that he could open the bathroom door by wedging his paw into the crack and pushing it open. Once in there, he would go to the roll of toilet paper and shred every bit of it. This happened every week, despite our efforts to keep him out.
Whenever my boyfriend, our guests or I head towards Nigel’s beloved bathroom, he’ll race towards that person as fast as he can and barrel into their legs, tripping and scratching the offender. He does this every chance he can get. He also makes it a habit to perch behind our guests’ heads and swat at their loose hairs, scratching them in the process. He tricks people by rolling over sweetly and meowing, pretending he wants his belly rubbed, then scratching and biting the person when they do so.
Nigel has plentiful access to food and water, but he must have kitty treats every morning around nine. If we sleep in, Nigel places his paw under our bedroom door and rattles it while meowing loudly until one of us wakes up.
They're so cute when they're little. And then you must eat them.
In the wee hours of the morning, Nigel enjoys racing from room to room, disturbing the vertical blinds (we have a lot of them) because he likes the loud sound they make. He was very affectionate towards our new puppy Dio at the outset. Now, whenever Dio prances to the kitchen to eat, Nigel plants himself directly on top of Dio and wraps his paws around him while hissing. Nigel also knocks the puppy’s water bowl over when Dio tries to drink from it. We can only get him to lay off of bullying Dio by using the hated water spray bottle.
Photo submitted by: Anon
Saturday, December 4th, 2010
Name: Steven Gustaf
Location: Syracuse, NY
I'm not in the mood to lure you in by being faux-cuddly. Get lost!
What makes Steven so mean?
My name is Steven and I am a mean kitty! My human found your site and immediately thought I should enter, since she is always telling me I am the meanest kitty ever. I am a year and a half old “buff” tiger cat that my mom rescued from some people who said I “played too rough” with their dog. Mom thought they were being silly and that the dog was wimpy, but then she got to know me and understood. My favorite things to do are, in no particular order:
-Beat up my sister kitties, including my 16 yr old sister who is so much fun to attack because she hates me SOOOO much!
-Beat up the stupid doggies, though they kind of like it. They are a lot bigger than me but I’m tougher and make them bleed a lot.
-Breaking all of mom’s stuff, like expensive jewelry and vases and curtains. I also like to knock pictures off the walls and hide mom’s favorite clothes under the bed.
-Biting and scratching people. All the time. Without warning. Especially when they think I’m in a good mood and being cuddly and cute. That’s just how I lure them in. I give myself extra points for scratching babies and the elderly.
-Eating everything I can, whether it’s edible or not. Mom doesn’t understand that all the food is mine, and her lack of understanding often gets her scratched and bitten.
-Other miscellaneous activities like tipping over the dog’s water dish, unraveling the toilet paper, stealing the bathtub drain cover, yowling loudly at all hours of the day and night, etc.
This is how I punish the dogs for being dogs. I punish humans and cats for other reasons.
My mom says that I’ll be a nice kitty eventually, once I’m all grown up, but I don’t think she should get her hopes up, since being mean is too much fun!
Submitted by: Rachel
Monday, November 22nd, 2010
My name is Mufasa (I am a big orange long haired tabby) and I have a terrible problem. My slave brought home this big smelly male human about 8 years ago when I was just a wee kitty. I didn’t really pay him any “never you mind”, but I didn’t like him either. Since his arrival I have been…well you know…I cant even say it….the N word! I’ve also been moved all over the country and had to share my slave. I am very protective of her and he says that I stalk her!! HmMPH!! She was put here for me to lounge on, sleep next to and order around. That’s why I picked her! I knew she was a soft-hearted pushover cat-worshipper.
I have done all I can think of to rid my self of The Mean Man. I’ve peed on his clothes, hunted his socks to extinction, destroyed the majority of the expensive furniture he has bought, left scars on him, and ignored his relentless hounding and kitty bribes such as table food and catnip (ok! not the nip but I don’t acknowledge he exists afterwards). Now he has taken to LICKING my forehead! It is very hard to get rid of his scent! OHH will it ever cease? Please help! I am beside myself and have taken to riding on my slave’s shoulders to stay away from him! I am but a mere 17 lbs but my slave says I make her neck hurt. What else can I do??
Many catnip mouses to you,
Put some poop on your forehead. Next time he licks it, you’ll have a really good laugh. And don’t feel bad for taking the nip. Accepting a bribe doesn’t mean you have to cooperate in any way, shape or form. It’s in the SOHC contract.
Saturday, November 20th, 2010
Name: Bandit & Kitters
Location: Elkhart, IN
Can't have a social life with stupid humans around. Play with the dog, don't consort with strays...sheesh!
What makes B & K so mean?
Bandit is the Snowshoe Siamese and Kitters is the black & white cat. What makes them so mean…..Laddy Dog. Laddy loves to play with the kitties. Bandit doesn’t like Laddy, and Kitters, like most cats, wants to play on his own time.
Kitters will attack anything that moves under a blanket, not to mention Crouching Tiger under the bed. He hides under the bed and attacks any and all unsuspecting feet and legs.
Bandit is usually a lover, except for when she’s in heat and sneaks outdoors. One time while in heat she snuck out and hid in the bushes with two boyz. When I tried to get her she growled like a ferocious jungle cat. She would like to have bit my fingers off, so she got sprayed with the garden hose. And that’s what makes my kitties so mean!
Photo submitted by: Pam
Saturday, September 25th, 2010
Der Mean Kitty,
I hav a problum wid catz. Dey com in my yard n eye keep chazing dem out. How kan eye let dem now dey r nawt invited? Dis really raizes my hair on my bak!!
Jack the Dog
Dear Stupid Dog,
Here’s the thing. I know you can’t type. You’re a dog. You, too, require a human typing slave. So when everything is spelled incorrectly, it just makes your human typing slave look like some kind of dunce. I mean, really.
Anyhow, I think I mentioned earlier…I don’t give advice to dogs. They never listen.
Thursday, July 29th, 2010
Name: Una Noel Shabooboo
Meeeeeeee and my shadow! Whom I like to beat.
What makes Una so mean?
We have a couple cats that certainly fit the Meankitty bill. However, one of them rises like curdle cream to the surface. Our beloved Una Noel Shabooboo showed up at our farm on Christmas eve several years ago. I took her in and found her a home. The home was in fact a rabid cesspool of familial dysfunction.
My yoga instructor calls this one Melted Cat, No Bull
So I brought her home to live with our 20 pound Buddha cat, Grendel (the name does not begin to describe his laid back zen attitude – he truly is a hairy little buddha). She proceeded to beat the crap out of him. Did I mention she only weighed 2 pounds?
I am the crazy cat lady with the invisible homeless cat magnet. Over the years we have had numerous kittens show up on our doorsteps. While the kittens are still young (under 1 year of age), Una dotes on them. Once they hit a year, she begins a merciless program of beatings and torment. It’s really quite horrifying to behold. She even drove one cat out of the house to be consumed by a great horned owl (sad story… let’s not go into details).
Actually I'm not sensitive to static electricity, I just think humans smell funny and don't want them rubbing on my beauteous fur.
She absolutely refuses to be touched unless you’ve just stepped out of the shower. We’ve determined that she is highly sensitive to static electricity and the only time you don’t shock her is when you are wet. We live in the high desert of SW Colorado so that don’t happen too often. She wants nothing to do with human contact and also routinely kicks the dogs’ butts. Even the horses don’t mess with her. She is tiny with these hideously white claws that gleam out of her velvety black paws. And she gives no warning. She can be sleeping peacefully and you simply walk by and her obsidian claws of death wreak havoc upon your defenseless flesh.
Photo submitted by: Krista and Flint
Wednesday, July 28th, 2010
Secretly, at night, the dog and I are BFF but I maintain my ferocity to stay in the SOHC.
What makes Raf so mean?
I have a cat. His name is Rafikki, He is fine with other animals EXCEPT THE DOG!!!
Rafikki does not back down. He will run up to the dog and attack him for no reason. He gets the dog good because the dog is now afraid of the cat. This is no joke. The cat will not back down–he has even got me a couple times, and I have the battle scars to prove it The scars are usually from when I try to get him away from the dog so I can take the dog out!
Photo submitted by: Jessica
Thursday, July 15th, 2010
I shall chew off the head and leave it on your pillow as a surprise!
What makes Baallow so mean?
Baallow is pure evil. She stands on top of the bookshelf next to my bedroom door and jumps, hissing and spitting, at people entering my room. She also hides under furniture and attacks peoples’ ankles when they least expect it. She will only drink milk while sitting on top of the refrigerator with me holding up the bowl until her majesty has had her fill.
Baallow loves to watch movies and, frighteningly, her favorite things to watch are the Hannibal movies. Whenever Anthony Hopkins comes on screen, she stares intently at it, and when he begins to talk she begins to purr and knead the surface she is sitting on.
You look like fava beans to me, dog....
We call her HanniBaallow because of her vicious destruction of all the neighborhood small animals. I spend most mornings scraping pigeon entrails off the porch. She also brings live bats into the house without injuring them and releases them under my bed so that whenever I’m looking for something I get hit in the face with giant flying rodents.
She has bullied our dog within an inch of his life and often pushes him off his favorite mat just to annoy him. His bones, which he spends so much time burying, are tools in her breaking of his already weak spirit. She digs them up when he isn’t around and re-buries them somewhere else. The poor thing almost has hysterics when he can’t find his bones.
Photo submitted by: Anon