Posts Tagged ‘D’
Sunday, November 29th, 2015
Location: Secret Hideout
Squeeze me and I scream like freedom!
What makes Donnie so mean?
Donnie is a terrorist. Because I talk about him all the time in emails, he has gotten me in trouble with the NSA. But what else am I supposed to do? I think he’s building bombs in the litterbox. Sure smells like death.
Submitted by: Anonymous
Thursday, April 30th, 2015
To be politically correct, you should just call me SIR, YES SIR.
What makes Dominic so mean?
When we got him at 8 months of age his name was “Hitler” because of his ‘half mustache.’ In the attempt to be politically correct, we renamed him ‘Dominic.’ Now I’m starting to think there was something to that original name.
* He nips my fingers and toes while I’m still in bed in the morning. If I’m ‘clever’ enough to cover my body parts with the blanket, he goes for my face. The longer you ignore him, the more aggressive he gets. Band-aids are strategically placed next to the bed.
* For some reason he feels the need to chew my wedding band off. His teeth often miss the intended target and find their way into my flesh. At times my ring finger has been fatter than my thumb due to swelling. Don’t think he liked me getting married.
Who needs claws when I have teeth and brute strength?
* Wakes us up at least once every night trying to claw his way into our bedroom or our daughter’s bedroom (he is declawed); and then….
* Wakes us up during a second portion of the night beating up the stray cat.
* Has scarred the nose/face of our gentle, minding-his-own-business 100 lb. Golden Retriever (thus the need for declawing him).
* Has killed 1 of our pet frogs, and directly killed 2 of our pet lizards (and indirectly a 3rd whom we think had a heart attack). Strange part too is we have no idea how he got to the lizards in the first place because they were living in a sealed terrarium.
* Insists on running outside every time we open the front door even a centimeter although we totally intended for him to be an indoor cat – then he won’t come back inside.
* I swear he vomits because he enjoys hearing me cuss as I clean it up. Have taken him to the vet more than once and they insist his tummy is just fine. I try to chase him into our kitchen (because of the linoleum floor – easier clean-up) right before he gets sick, but kitty must love the feel of rug underneath his feet and hides under the dining room table to finish his purging. This is what they invented long tablecloths for – to hide what’s underneath!
Submitted by: John and Lea
Friday, July 19th, 2013
Names: Dolly and Betty
I’m beatin’ up Betty’s booty!
What makes Dolly and Betty so mean?
Very bad is Dolly (the ginger kitten), who, as you can see, attacks everything she sees.
Now I’m just bustin’ up a grey cat toy, which is kinda boring.
But Betty (the multicoloured kitten) prefers the human flesh, which my boyfriend unfortunately has experienced more than once.
Submitted by: Marijn
Thursday, July 18th, 2013
I’m not deaf, these are colored contacts!
What makes Dolly so mean?
MY MEAN KITTY IS NAMED DOLLY. SHE IS ANYTHING BUT A DOLL. SHE IS UNBELIEVABLY TINY BUT CARRIES A BIG BITE…REALLY BIG…
SHE HATES EVERYTHING, ESPECIALLY THE OTHER KITTIES. ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS TRY TO ENTER ANY ROOM SHE’S IN AND SHE GOES INTO AN EXORCIST FIT.
TRY TO FEED HER OR WORSE YET, TRY TO PET OR GET CLOSE TO HER, AND SPIT STARTS TO FOAM ON HER LIPS. HER EYELIDS ROLL BACK AND HER BACK ARCHES LIKE THE MCDONALDS GOLDEN ONES. AND THEN IT HAPPENS…
SHE LUNGES FORWARD FASTER THAN SUPERMAN. HER BITE IS PRACTICALLY LETHAL. GET THE PEROXIDE AND BANDAGES!
Meankitty’s Note: We have no idea why the slave felt it necessary to shout her email, but we couldn’t be bothered to retype it.
Submitted by: Old Yeller
Wednesday, July 17th, 2013
My throne is cluttered. This annoys me. I think I’ll puke on the remote and ruin it! That would bring my grand total of ruined remotes to seven.
What makes Disney so mean?
My family owns [[is owned by]] a cat called Disney. They are my stepfamily, so the cat isn’t really mine, yet I have to live with her. She is 13 and still going strong. She lives in the US with her 4 slaves. She is multi-colored and can be sweet. Unless she doesn’t feel like it. She believes she is a queen and acts like one.
Things she does: she gorges herself and makes a huge mess in a four foot range of the food she was eating. We, as slaves, must clean it up. She has a disease that causes her to puke almost every day. Nothing survives! Homework, carpets, desks, chairs, rugs, nothing! My homework was ruined!
She has the normal cat habit of walking across you with her claws extended. She also likes to lick and bite your ears. Disney owns a toy feather and will bring it to your door in the middle of the night. If you don’t notice her, she will meow like crazy!
She hates any other animal and will stalk prey. (Though she can’t go outside or she will puke up a storm.) She wants you to know she is queen and if you don’t get the picture, she will MAKE you. By that, I mean whacking, smacking, biting, and clawing, until you bow down in worship.
Submitted by: Christine
Tuesday, July 16th, 2013
You didn’t cook this hand long enough…it’s not very tender.
What makes Dipstick so mean?
You would think a stray found at 2 weeks old would be a little kinder to his rescuer. Not Dipstick. He doesn’t chew on anyone but his human. He doesn’t just want attention. He demands attention. Usually at 2am.
I was up all night partying and now I’m pooped. Have fun at work while I sleep all day!
He wakes his human in lots of exciting ways. His favorite is scratching wildly on the sliding closet doors so that they bang together incessantly. Another good one is smacking his sleeping human’s face around with his little powder puff paws. Fluffy kitty paws aren’t as cute at 4am, believe me.
What’s that about an error message?
His human is a programmer and addicted to the computer, so of course his favorite activity is blocking the computer monitor with as much of his body as possible when she needs to see it the most.
Submitted by: Lynn
Monday, July 15th, 2013
Name: Evil Dignan
I like to shout…shout…shout at the devil. Cat style.
What makes Dignan so mean?
Dignan is evil not only because he is a black cat, but he also has menacing, glowing, MothMan eyes, as witnessed in this picture.
Whenever Dignan is not attacking yarn balls, using the front of guitar amplifiers as a scratching posts, or killing unsuspecting plants by knocking them off their windowsills, he also enjoys listening to Venom and other evil Heavy Metal music.
Although he has yet to learn how to fake being sick, so Jason can go visit Lisa at the cat clinic.
Oh, he also likes purring, sleeping and meowing to get attention, when the evil things don’t work.
Submitted by: Ratt
Sunday, July 14th, 2013
Look into my eyes…you’re feeling sleepy…because I’m hungry…
What makes Dinky so mean?
We got twin kitties, Dinky and Devil. Devil had it in for humans (but that’s another story) and Dinky had it in for other animals. We had a parakeet we liked to allow the freedom of the house and thought we would try to break Dinky and Devil in gently. Devil was all right. He left the bird alone after we squirted him with the watergun several times.
But Dinky…when Dinky wasn’t beating Devil up (which we all liked to see because Devil was always beating US up), Dinky was trying to eat the parakeet. This is a picture of Dinky and the parakeet’s first introduction. Can you see the bloodlust in the meankitty’s eyes? Well, I won’t tell you what happened when the kitten got bigger, but it wasn’t pretty.
Submitted by: Jojo
Sunday, July 14th, 2013
Thought you’d sleep on the top bunk to get away from me, did you? GUESS WHAT! I learned to climb!
What makes Devil so mean?
We got twin kitties, Dinky and Devil. Dinky had it in for other animals (but that’s another story) and Devil had it in for US. We were really good to both kittens, but Devil just had a short in her brain or something. No matter what we did or where we went, she followed us and attacked us. Now Dinky wasn’t the same way, so we don’t think it’s anything bad we did.
This is a picture of Dinky disturbing my sleep. I used to have to sleep on the uncomfortable top bunk because at first Devil couldn’t get up there, but that didn’t last long. I might look like I’m laughing here but really I’m yelling GET DOWN YOU DEVIL!
The road to hell is paved with Devil’s dismembered victims.
The second is a more recent picture of Devil. She has not grown out of her bad habit.
Submitted by: Jojo
Saturday, January 12th, 2013
Location: South Carolina
I have had my fill. But not of your FLESH!
What makes Dusti so mean?
Dusti is a reformed Psycho Kitty whose new Sweet Kitty personality sometimes gets overtaken by her former Psycho Kitty self. She’s beautiful and knows how to work it to get what she wants—food. Anytime one of my male relatives is around her, she gains a pound in a day. If I ever dare forget to feed her, she reminds me with a nice cuddle. As soon as she’s had her fill, however, the evil looks in my direction put me in my place and if I try to pet her in apology, my hand comes back shredded.
VISITORS?? You shall not pass!
Psycho Kitty always takes over when I have visitors who stay for more than a day at a time, most notably, my niece and nephew. Dusti has been known to poop in my niece’s shoes and she took down my 6’2″ nephew and left him with a bloody gash on his leg during his last visit. My niece—a self-described cat lover who thinks no animal can do wrong—thinks my cat is evil. As soon as they leave, Sweet Kitty returns with cuddles and purrs…unless I forget to feed her. Then all bets are off.
Submitted by: Angela Campbell (www.angelacampbellonline.com)