Posts Tagged ‘D’
Saturday, January 12th, 2013
Location: South Carolina
I have had my fill. But not of your FLESH!
What makes Dusti so mean?
Dusti is a reformed Psycho Kitty whose new Sweet Kitty personality sometimes gets overtaken by her former Psycho Kitty self. She’s beautiful and knows how to work it to get what she wants—food. Anytime one of my male relatives is around her, she gains a pound in a day. If I ever dare forget to feed her, she reminds me with a nice cuddle. As soon as she’s had her fill, however, the evil looks in my direction put me in my place and if I try to pet her in apology, my hand comes back shredded.
VISITORS?? You shall not pass!
Psycho Kitty always takes over when I have visitors who stay for more than a day at a time, most notably, my niece and nephew. Dusti has been known to poop in my niece’s shoes and she took down my 6’2″ nephew and left him with a bloody gash on his leg during his last visit. My niece—a self-described cat lover who thinks no animal can do wrong—thinks my cat is evil. As soon as they leave, Sweet Kitty returns with cuddles and purrs…unless I forget to feed her. Then all bets are off.
Submitted by: Angela Campbell (www.angelacampbellonline.com)
Saturday, November 17th, 2012
Location: House of Duck
Hey, that tangerine on your plate looks really barfworthy! Think I’ll swipe it.
What makes that Dunkin Donut so mean?
Dunkin is a nasty cat. He’s six years old, growls all the time, and has been nasty since he was tiny. If he does something bad and you yell at him, he will whack you. If he wants to beg for table scraps and you don’t cooperate, he gives you his paw. He can be a con artist but mostly he’s nasty and mean to all. He picks on his own kids. I have the whole family, but the rest are nice. Dunkin got all the mean gene in the family.
RIP, Dunkin. Your mean, mean ways will be missed. Since you’ve been gone, all we’ve had are mean ducks.
Any cats in this house? No? We’re taking over, quacks!
Submitted by: Mary
Thursday, October 18th, 2012
I am practing the way I shall suffocate you in your sleep, stupid bedstealing human.
What makes Deutschland so mean?
My girlfriend’s cat is the most mean, violent and evil cat known to mankind. She absolutely hates me. Before I moved in with my girlfriend, she had half the bed to herself. Now, when I try to sleep, she attempts to murder me by wrapping herself around my head to suffocate me.
She’s been declawed but has a powerful hook. Her favorite trick is to hook in your hand then shave it to the bone with her teeth. Sometimes she’ll just turn around and try to blind you with her rear claws for a change.
50% cat, 50% evil genius, 100% attitude.
Her favorite thing is chasing wrinkles; sometimes she gets so excited she gnaws on my hands and face for minutes at a time afterwards, or just settles for flying leaps and biting.
Her other favorite job is to wait until you’re reading, slide over and sit on the book you’re reading, then bite you if you try to extract it. She’s evil.
Submitted by: Ashley
Thursday, October 11th, 2012
Humans sure whine a lot. If they weren’t such slackers, I wouldn’t have to repeat my orders. Incessantly.
What makes Deuce so mean?
You definitely don’t want to be late feeding her or ignore her for very long when she’s looking for some love. She had the most heinous, demanding meow. You can tell that she’s cursing at you for not doing as she has instructed.
Submitted by: Edna H.
Wednesday, October 10th, 2012
Location: Moorpark, CA
Why are you bothering me with that flashy thing?? I hardly slept a wink last night with my packed schedule of torment, tussle and wail.
What makes Desi so mean?
Desi is notorious for biting your toes in the middle of the night. He also drools on your face in the middle of the night. Then he will proceed to stretch out and take up the whole bed. If you push him off the bed he will scream VERY loudly until you are awake. He will run out of the room until you fall back asleep and then it will start all over again. Even if nobody is in the bed, he likes to crawl into the made up bed and take it over.
If you have socks or slippers laying around, he will attack them and destroy them. Then he will scream until you notice that he has ruined the object and run away.
He drinks out of the toilet and will run off with the toilet paper so it is wise to keep a spare roll locked up since he can open doors. Nothing is more annoying when you have to go to the bathroom at 2 am only to find out the roll of toilet paper is shredded all over the house!
He opens the front door. What is most annoying is the French double doors downstairs which he will ram his head against until he forces his way through, so you are stuck hearing THUD THUD THUD at all hours of the night.
Submitted by: Robert R.
Tuesday, October 9th, 2012
MY bed. Mine, mine, mine.
What makes Dennis so mean?
Dennis is a mean ball of fluff. Don’t push her too far!!!
She measures 28″ from the tip of her nose to the tip of her tail and weighs about 14lbs. She detests cats and all the local tom cats are terrified of her. In the winter she virtually hibernates and the local felines are free to travel over her territory, but come spring the battles begin. She loves to ambush other cats and attack the local magpies in their nests.
This is me, contemplating how best to torment the cat haters who enter my domain. Claw to eyeball? Hairball in shoe? Butt in face? So many choices.
Dennis is very vocal and makes sure we know who the bed belongs to. She hates workmen and sits outside sulking until they go. Any cat haters who enter the house get the following treatment – she will not leave them alone and insists on sitting on their knees and digging her claws in!
Submitted by: Graham and Gil
Friday, September 28th, 2012
Yes, I AM stunningly beautiful. Emphasis on STUN, which is what I will do to you if you do not worship me.
What makes Dolly so mean?
This is Dolly. A stunningly beautiful cat with many personalities, Dolly picks and chooses who she wants to tolerate in her life. At 12 years of age, she has no tolerance left for the youngest child, who spent the most part of her childhood trying to steal cuddles from her, and is still trying now at the age of 20.
I dished out the scratches, kicks and bites, and all I got was thrown into kitty jail.
Dolly is not afraid to dish out the scratches, kicks, bites and hisses to those who she thinks is deserving of them. She does, however, reveal the smooch when she wants to be fed, and to those who talk to her in a high pitch but don’t touch – eg. the fiance of the older brother. This can change in the blink of an eye though, and next thing you know you’ve got teeth in your calf.
Sing Phantom of the Opera NAOW or I will bite you!
As soon as Dolly sees any other cat, she growls, hisses and moans as if it’s repulsive that she is not the only one of her species to exist. It seems the only thing to pull her out of her furious episodes is singing/screeching in a high pitch at her: Phantom of the Opera is a favourite. Beware the Doll.
Submitted by: Eden
Wednesday, August 22nd, 2012
Name: Nala the Dragon
Location: Seattle, WA
It’s not for me, it’s for Baby Kitty! Do you want to starve Baby Kitty?
What makes Nala so mean?
Let me tell you about Dragon (ahem, Nala) and how mean she is. She is 18 years old and is in LOVE with food. I’m talking wake me up at 5AM for food every single day. She has gained a 1 1/2 lbs in one year! She now positions herself underneath the bed so at first stir, like just turning over in bed starts an unrelenting string of croaks from her until you A: Get your butt out of bed and give her canned food, B: Scream at her to shut up and kick her out of the room, by which you now are fully awake anyway, or C: Try to coerce your significant other to do the dirty work for you. She is a big ol’ meany. Pun intended.
Please note her baby kitty, which she insists on bringing everywhere.
Submitted by: Amelia
Wednesday, August 15th, 2012
Location: Unknown…but there’s no dental
Hhhhhhhhey, hhhhhuman, catnip would hhhhhelp hhhhhheliminate my hhhhhalitosis, hhhhint hhhhhint.
What makes DeNadj so mean?
DeNadj is so mean that she hisses at newborn kittens. When a friend tries to pet her, she slaps them with her razor sharp claws. If you don’t pet DaNadj when she wants to be petted, she meows and breathes on you with the most putrid tuna breath.
DaNadj is pure evil. When we first brought her home she would hiss at us and never allow us to touch her. Our temptation to cuddle and snuggle with this untouchable cat became great. Each time we got close, she would laugh with her wicked meow and run and hide. Finally we gave up. Angered by our attitudes, she decided to pretend to play nice and started to rub up against our legs.
But we held strong then, refusing to give into her evil plot until one day when she laid the dragon breath on us. Now whenever DaNadj climbs on our laps, before she can even start her meowing demands, we pet her out of fear of her punishing us with her breath..
Submitted by: Unknown
Tuesday, August 14th, 2012
Location: Spring Hill, FL
I scored a B+ in “stealth hiding” in my Meankitty University coursework. Would have gotten the dang A if I’d remembered the part about not flicking my tail!
What makes Delila so mean?
Delila may look innocent enough, but DON’T be fooled. She is an unholy terror. I’ve had her for 7 years and her worst episode was in 1999 when we were moving from Michigan to Florida. We were feverishly loading the moving trailer and 2 cars with all of our belongings and thought she was safely tucked in the 2nd floor apartment. When we went back into the apartment, she was nowhere to be found. We tore apart one car to get her jar of kitty treats, went back into the apartment and shook it, which usually brings her out of hiding. Still no Delila.
Our 1st inclination was that, in the process of taking our stuff out to the parking lot, she somehow snuck out and was roaming the grounds, so we frantically searched outside in the frigid November air, to NO AVAIL. I was distraught and called my mother who lived 12 miles away. She came over and we began retracing our movements from the last time we saw Delila. Finally we got to the point where we retraced emptying the cupboards above the refrigerator, and who did we find snoozing, Delila!
Submitted by: Nicole and Pa