Boy, I can *really* whiz on the clean laundry before she has a chance to put it away now.

What makes Mao so mean?

Mao is a mean kitty because he screams and screams and screams. Mao doesn’t cry – he screams between 80 and 100 decibels. This kitty could result in material damage to one’s hearing.

Mao came to live with me some three years ago. He’s an adult oriental shorthair show cat that needed a place to spend the balance of his years. The first indication of his proclivity to more than talk was when I flew to LA to retrieve him and bring him back to San Francisco. In the airport he made such a racket that people started looking for the crying child. He kept this up until I put my hand in the carrier. On the flight the only way to keep him from screaming was to constantly touch him. Of course the fact that the flight ended up circling the Monterey Peninsula for 45 additional minutes due to air traffic didn’t help matters. Thank goodness he’s a charmer and a flight attendant allowed me to hold his carrier in my lap rather than put him on the floor.

I have learned that with Mao isn’t not necessarily anxiety that makes him yell, scream and cry. He hates the phone and begins screaming as soon as I get on it. Strangers who phone ask if I have a child having a melt down. Mao also screams as soon as you walk out the door – he goes off like an alarm. He is very social and likes to be with his person.

He also will sit in the kitchen every morning and scream until he gets his cuttle fish treats. He knows where they are kept and goes off like an alarm anytime he can convince someone to give him some. He’s a happy, healthy nine pound boy as a result of his insistent for between meal snacks. Mao knows when I am expected home and sits at the door and cries if I’m late. Needless to say this high maintenance pal is never left home without a say in cat sitter.

Meet Mao’s “buddy”, Neko.

Submitted by: Rebecca

See these ears? Useless. Mao busted my eardrums. That deserves a good beat-down, right?

What makes Neko so mean?

Thinking that Mao would settle down and stop crying with a companion, his pal Neko was adopted more than a year ago. Now Neko is all of five pounds and appears to be such a tiny, sweet kitty. Looks are deceiving. She is fascinated with anything cardboard which she tears apart with her nails and mouth, and she is confused between her litter box and down comforters (two down and none in the house).

Neko prefers to sleep under the covers like a person instead of in a kitty bed. That probably sounds like a kind and gentle kitty. Well, Neko lacks the gentle touch to indicate she wants under the covers. She will hit me so hard in the face that she will draw blood. There have been too many mornings that I have gone to work with a cut lip or a cheek abrasion. Cover stick is my friend.

Past her desire to abuse me, she abuses poor Mao. She runs around and bites his rear end. She now runs the place. Mao hasn’t stopped crying and Neko is here to stay. Oh and yes, Mao taught Neko to scream as well. Thank goodness she’s only in the 60 decibel range.

Meet Mao.

Submitted by: Rebecca

In a houseful of cats, I am the Meanest! And Thor is the wussiest.

What makes Onyx so mean?

My name is Onyx. Mom and Dad came to get my adopted brother, Horus, from a website they saw. They were told that if they paid for one cat, that they could get another. So I went home with Mom and Dad and realized that along with Horus, I would have three other brothers, Odin, Loki and Thor.

Dad considered me to be a foo foo cat, as I have long hair and everyone kept calling me “her” including the vet that Mom and Dad took me to. They thought I was a girl. I wanted to play with everyone after the first week, but I knew that Mom was my property. I don’t pay much attention to Dad. But to Mom, I would crawl up her leg meowing like a kitten and act sweet and purr and nuzzle her ears. But that darn Thor always wanted to be with Mom too and was always trying to be sweet. When Mom isn’t looking, I chase Thor around, batting at him and upsetting him, until he bats back and becomes nervous, hiding in corners like some kind of freak. Yeah–not too sweet then, is he?

When Mom DOES catch me being mean to Thor, she squirts me with the squirt bottle. Dad calls me a bully.

Submitted by: Tamara

Are you taking a shower, you wicked girl?

What makes Norman so mean?

Norman is named after Norman Bates from the movie PSYCHO. He was named 3 days after we got him at 8 weeks, after he launched himself at the shower curtain and ShReDdEd it with his evil claws whilst we were taking a bath. Since then he has manifested pure and unadulterated evil thoughout the house including but not limited to destroying lounges, glassware, crockery, lamps, windowsills blah blah blah.

HE IS AN EVIL FELINE!

Submitted by: Mr. Bates

I have an advanced degree in stealth and hiding. That's why my location is unknown!

What makes Libby so mean?

Christmas 2005: My parents and I traveled to the local animal shelter in search of a new kitten for me. We had become a foster family to our neighbor’s kitten but we had to give the kitten back because she was a gift for our neighbor’s daughter. My parents had their hearts set on a different cat, but Libby reached out, grabbed my coat, and would not let me go. If I started to look at other cats she would meow very loud and begin to play with the toys they had inside her cage, trying to get me to look at her. I was instantly smitten.

We adopted her and she quickly created a new ranking system in our family. The four other cats, all males, are terrified of her! She strikes the fear of God into their hearts with just one look from those bright green eyes. Before they enter the room they each check all four corners and any other area she may hide in so they will not be caught off guard. They never look hard enough. They also have been subjected to other cruel attacks. They have been shoved down the stairs, pushed into the running shower, and when they try to defend themselves, it angers her even more and they get the crap beat out of them.

She is a very intelligent cat. Before she was a year old she had learned how to open and unlock doors. She was so clever we were forced to put a child-proof doorknob on some of the doors so she couldn’t get in. She throws temper tantrums if she does not get her way. If you tell her no, she will stare into your eyes and knock over something as if saying, “Take this!”

She also has a strong obsession with pens and pencils. She is always taking them away from me when I’m trying to do my homework

Submitted by: Caitlin

Well, Bob, it's like this. You can sleep on the couch, or I can slice up your face. Your choice.

What makes Liam so mean?

This is Liam. He came to live with us about a year ago, and is definitely one MEAN kitty. Please note the evil spider pattern between his ears. I am certain this is some type of mark of a mean kitty.

This is his favorite spot, which is where I sleep. He and I have been engaged in a struggle over this particular spot for the past year, and as you can see, he’s winning. He is a big cat, and has BIG claws. He never hesitates to use those claws to defend his space on the bed. He also likes to lay on his back and invite unsuspecting visitors to my house to rub his tummy, at which time he will shred them like confetti.

Submitted by: Bob

If they're not careful, I'll extend my scratch and sniff rights to their butts.

What makes Norma so mean?

This…this is Norma, aka “Tiger”. She looks sweet and innocent but don’t let looks fool you! She demands what I like to call “scratch and sniff rights”, which means she reserves the right to lick and taste any food item that comes in the house. She constantly scratches the couch even though I provided three scratching posts and set them right by the couch! I can’t even walk in the door without constant meowing until I break down and give her treats. These treats must be “Dreamy Duos” tuna flavor or they will not be touched and the howling will continue.

She constantly picks on my other two cats who are not in any way shape or form mean. [Meankitty's Note: Sounds like they're dumb!] Last but not least, I haven’t been able to go to the bathroom by myself in three years without constant yowling at the door.

Submitted by: Bob

Who are you calling plain?

What makes Noah so mean?

This is my mean kitty! Her name is Noah and she’s evil, pure evil! She has her favorite chair and attacks anyone who sits in it. She bites my toes when I am in bed, sits on my hair AND scratches my lips, nose, wrists and arms when I am asleep! When I am on the computer, she comes in and promptly sticks her bottom in my face–ohh, the stench, she is doing this now! When I am writing she sits on my pen. Not only is she mean but just a plain nuisance.

Submitted by: Tony & Ana

Shew, I'm tired after all that boxing.

What makes Oliver so mean?

My best friend and I really, really wanted a cat when we got our first apartment, so we got Oliver. A man who owned a mechanic shop found Oliver one day outside his business’ door and kept him there until he could find him a new home with some very forgiving and tolerant owners…us.

When we picked him up, he had very little hair and was in really bad shape, but one thing that he didn’t lack was an attitude. He would be so sweet and crawl up in your lap and purr and love on you, but heaven forbid you get up before he wanted to or he would turn into “boxing kitty”!!! He would stand up on his hind legs, meow really loudly and just start boxing at your face with both paws…not just once, but over and over until you lay back down.

We are honestly always scared to get up if he’s laying on us. And, if he’s hungry and you get up and walk to the kitchen, he slaps at your legs and bites your ankles until you feed him. My life would definitely be more boring without Mr. Oliver LaPaws. I am happy to say that after 3 years of living with me, he is now fat, furry, and happy…that is, if you DON’T get up!

Submitted by: Valerie

No, no, no, anything but the kitty restraining device!

What makes Oliver so mean?

Oliver is such a mean kitty that when I take him to the vet (where they have him filed as “cranky”), the doctor jumps back in horror when she sees him (and not in a joking manner). An assistant has to come in and put him in a restraining device (please keep in mind he was just 5 months at the time and quite small) during his examination.

In addition to his behavior at the vet, he is quite a bully at home. A friend compared Oliver’s behavior towards me to an abusive relationship. He bites my ankles, arms and nose and slaps my glasses off my face and then, when its time to go to sleep, he curls up around my head, purrs and tries to groom my hair.

In order to calm him down, I got him a pet–his twin brother from the same litter, named Beanie. Beanie is sweet and cuddly. On two occasions Oliver saw Beanie sitting on the side of the tub while I was taking a bath, shoved him in, and ran off.

Submitted by: Sherri