Archive for June, 2013

Gallery: Cleetus Maximus

Sunday, June 30th, 2013

Name: Cleetux Maximus
Location: Pueblo, CO

Cleetus is a meankitty

You get the most boring email, I SWEAR. You promised you’d surf BirdTube.

What makes Cleetus so mean?

I adopted Cleetus Maximus from a friend who claimed she couldn’t keep him anymore because she was allergic to him. I really think it’s because he loves to bite and paw anyone who tries to give him love.

Cleetus is a meankitty because he loves to claw me in the face while I’m sitting in the bathtub. He will jump up onto the edge, look at me with the sweetest little kitty face, and then take a cat paw swipe at my head. It’s pretty creepy, and I’ve tried to lock him out of the bathroom, but he just sits there and meows until I let him in. I think he has a secret fetish.

Cleetus Maximus is mean

I will sit in your lap as long as you keep that ICKY LOVE STUFF to yourself. No kisses, man. No kisses.

Cleetus is also mean because he really enjoys spontaneously attacking me every once in a while. He will lunge at me with his paws flailing in the air until he realizes how small he is compared to me and how I could be his ultimate demise. Then, he backs off, saunters into a corner and falls asleep.

He is a sweety, though, and likes to cuddle.

Submitted by: Megs


Gallery: Claudett

Saturday, June 29th, 2013

Name: Claudett
Location: Unknown

Claudett is a meankitty

I guess I do purr…biting makes me happy!

What makes Claudett so mean?

Claudett was a feral cat that took over two years for us to tame into a semblance of domesticity. She can be petted now and purrs but will bite if she feels trapped. In fact, I would say she purrs when she bites as well!

Submitted by: Anon


Gallery: Clarice

Friday, June 28th, 2013

Name: Clarice
Location: Austin, TX

Clarice is a meankitty

How you like my big FRACTIOUS belly, eh?

What makes Clarice so mean?

Clarice is loved by me alone and feared by all. She is extremely affectionate toward me, sleeps on my pillow every night, and loves to be cuddled. By me. Just me. For everyone else, she is 10 pounds of horror. She especially hates when she encounters people in the vicinity of her litter box and food bowl. A friend of mine says Clarice thinks he wants to take a dump in her litter box, and that’s why she spits, hisses, and generally comes undone when he’s near the box.

She once peed on a guy I was dating. I told him not to pick her up. Come to think of it, she bit another one when he made an unwanted pass at me.

Clarice’s vet has written FRACTIOUS on her file in block letters in red magic marker. Two years ago she almost launched herself off the scale on to a vet tech, and she recently tried to kill another vet tech through the holes in her carrier. She can bite through the heavy leather gloves and must be gassed for the simplest veterinary procedure. Half an hour after she gets home, she goes back to being super sweet.

She does not tolerate drinking and will check my breath if I come home late at night. I call her Temperance Kitty. If she smells alcohol, she goes into a rage, and I have to hide. I have been known to forgo a glass of wine with dinner to avoid a scene at home.

Submitted by: Loretta


Gallery: Claire

Thursday, June 27th, 2013

Gallery: Claire
Location: Katy, TX

Claire is a meankitty

Hey, I’m just defending you. Those people come into this house to warp you. Don’t you know dog people when you see them??!

What makes Claire so mean?

This is my mean cat Claire. Claire loves ONLY me! Everyone else is her sworn enemy and is fair game for her wrath. She quite literally hates everyone, even my husband, whom she loves to bite.

Her favorite trick is the sweet innocent kitty ploy. She will greet our guests by rubbing up against their legs and roll over to be petted and then she strikes…like a rattlesnake. No one is safe other than me! For me she is a complete angel. She loves to be held by me while she suckles on my shirt and has never once bitten me. But all others beware: you are merely interlopers on her domain and all trespassers will be terrorized.

Submitted by: Leanna


Gallery: Chuvisco

Wednesday, June 26th, 2013

Name: Chuvisco
Location: Brazil

Chuvisco is a meankitty

Hold still, I think you’ve got some gum stuck on your foot.

What makes Chuvisco so mean?

Hi, my name is Chuvisco (AKA Chuvis) and I live in Brazil.

I was found by my humans more or less 2 years ago on a brown field. Yeah, I have to admit I was crying because I had bubble gum stuck all under my little feet and then I had to call someone’s attention. That’s all.

When they got me to their home I had to make them fall in love with me by means of great tricks (at that time I only knew the talking-to-the-humans-in-cat-language and the fight-with-their-other-cat-in-the-cutest-little-way trick). After I convinced them I was a necessary addition to the household, I let my “inner animal” show.

Well, today I’m fine. No gum. I eat, sleep and am waited on hand and paw.

Submitted by: Carolina


Gallery: Gus and Chloe

Tuesday, June 25th, 2013

Name: Gus and Chloe, Chloe and Gus
Location: Unknown

Chloe and Gus are meankitties

We have to meet our weekly stampeding goals so we can remain members of the SOHC.

What makes Chloe & Gus so mean?

These two evil beings go by the names Gus and Chloe.

Chloe’s pastimes include:

licking, biting, kicking, knocking things over (especially if they are filled with liquid), drinking out of vessels NOT intended for cats, hanging off of the screen door, scratching, shredding furniture, staring, purring, and sleeping in this cozy little basket with her favorite purple blankie.

Gus is fond of:

standing in front of my monitor while I’m trying to work, eating things off of the counter, stealing socks, digging in plants, defecating in neighbors’ gardens, taking up 60% of the surface area of the bed, waking me up at 4am for no reason whatsoever, crunchy little plastic pieces, pooping in his litter box while his mom is cleaning it, begging for yogurt and sniffing things.

Gus and Chloe are fans of stampeding; it seems to be most enjoyable between the hours of 2am-5am. The goal is to run across a bed filled with sleeping humans, preferably across the facial area and preferably with claws OUT.

Submitted by: Dana


Gallery: Chloe (2)

Monday, June 24th, 2013

Name: Chloe (2)
Location: Toronto

Chloe is a meankitty

I’m not ashamed, I’m hiding the bits of leather between my teeth from tearing up the new recliner.

What makes Chloe so mean?

Chloe just LOVES leather. Look at that angelic face. See her sleeping quietly on our $3,000 couch. We just sent what was left of it to the dump because even the local charity turned it away. Watch out if you are wearing leather in our neighborhood! If it is made of leather our little angel can’t wait to dig her claws in and have some fun!

Now as you can see from the picture, she feels ashamed of herself when she gazes upon the after effect of play time! But trust us, this does not translate into better behavior! So if you are wearing leather stay away from my house. In our neighborhood this mean kitty is known as the Doctor Jekyll & Mrs. Hyde of Mean Kitties.

Submitted by: Paul


Gallery: Chloe

Sunday, June 23rd, 2013

Name: Chloe
Location: Unknown

Chloe is a slasher

Stop touching meeeeeeeeeeee!

What makes Chloe so mean?

My cat (aka Psycho Kitty) is notoriously evil. Everyone who comes over to my house is afraid of her and those who are coming over for the first time have to be warned to stay away from her. If she is touched without her express written consent, she will either bite or scratch the offender. If you are lucky you will only get a growl. She has caused her vet (a sweet, mild-mannered Christian man) to yell obscenities. If you don’t pay attention to Chloe when SHE wants it, she will get right up in your face and yell at you ( this consists of a quacking sound over and over again); she will then bite you…and if that doesn’t work she will promptly walk over and chew on an electrical cord while staring at you. If you shoo her away, she leaves for a few minutes and then comes right back and does it again.

She ignores my fiance (who works from home) all day. But when I get home and come anywhere near him she places herself right in the middle of the two of us and refuses to move while constantly demanding attention from him.

Chloe is a meankitty

Stop looking at meeeeeeee too!

My friend, an avid cat lover, came over once and placed her hand on the chair Chloe was sitting on. Chloe proceeded to draw blood. My friend only refers to her as “The Slasher” now.

Submitted by: Melissa


Gallery: Chili Pepper

Saturday, June 22nd, 2013

Name: Chili Pepper
Location: ??

Chili Pepper is a meankitty

I hate rich people! Also people who don’t give me and my housemate shrimp. Also dogs. Also smell of apple pie.

What makes Chili Pepper so mean?

She has it in for small toys and multimillionaires. In addition to this effigy of Bill Gates, she took out one of Newt Gingrich a couple weeks ago. She has a housemate named Bugs Bunny, a calico cat who often attacks the human slaves for shrimp and other tasty food objects.

Submitted by: Banth


Gallery: Chief

Friday, June 21st, 2013

Name: Chief
Location: The Line

Chief is a meankitty

You are one centimeter from being too far, human. Better watch it.

What makes Chief so mean?

Chief is a cat that knows your limits and will make it clear when you have pushed him too far.

Submitted by: Buck