Archive for December, 2012

50 Shades of Grey & Mean

Monday, December 31st, 2012

REPUBLISHED FROM MARCH 2012 BECAUSE NOBODY SEEMED TO NOTICE THE AWESOME…

Right now in the publishing world, there’s a to-do over a human book that presumably doesn’t have any cats in it. I don’t know what the big deal is–sounds like the humans in the book are DOG people, really–but the book boasts that it contains “50 Shades of Grey”. That got us here at Meankitty thinking about grey cats, naturally, and how the book would have been a lot better if it had been “50 Shades of Grey Cats”. Maybe it wouldn’t have all that nonsense about human mating rituals in it, but it would at least be, I don’t know, original. So now we present to you, the first half of “50 Shades of Grey & Mean”. We’ll post another 50 when we decide who to choose!

Queen of Sheba is grey  Queen Sheba is a medium dark grey tabby. She is not amused by you.

Jake is a pale grey tabby with blue eyes.Jake is a pale grey tabby with blue eyes. Piercing blue eyes that will haunt you.

EdithEdith is dark grey and white and very nasty. Clearly she has issues. Whatever should she do for therapy?

Evil kittiesSurely at least one of the Evil Kitties is grey. Morally grey too. In many ways.

 Wally MotoWally Moto is about to liven up a grey day by pouncing someone. Also, he is grey with grey eyes.

Mini FluffMini Fluff is grey and white and does not like black and white movies. Or fanfiction. But she’s really out of touch with the times.

MystickMystick the mean grey tabby is in a grey cage. But she’s topping you from the bottom with her stare.

Maggie Maggie the Beast is long haired grey colourpointy and she’s going to beat up a grey tabby. So that’s really 2 shades of grey for the price of one. Except when a publisher buys it, we’ll double the price.

MaggieMaggie is a medium haired grey tabby who is practicing for her paparazzi debut now that grey is so popular. Hasn’t *quite* got the finger/claw down yet.

FluffFluff has many shades to her but the grey is the one that, possibly, turns her so sadistic. That’s what we *hear* grey does anyway. Or maybe color coordinated ties? Not clear on that.

Charles ChickenGorgeous, smoky Charles Chicken chose this grey striped couch to match his fur. He only sheds on the white, though. And it shows red blood so well…

Chucky StraussA grey and white tabby, Chucky Strauss’s “mercy mew” is possibly a safeword. So we hear. IF we choose to listen to it…

ZeusGrey, silky Zeus is accepting a tribute from his human in this photo, who trembles in fear of the lash. Zeus does not allow safewords.

FleurFlirty, fluffy Fleur is forced to wear “Softpaws” because she flailed people with her cat o one tail so much.

WaldoA smoke colored shorthair with hauntingly blue eyes like Wally Moto, Waldo knows exactly where he is. In Yo Face.

BellatrixBellatrix is another long haired grey and white beauty, who is quite the bossy dominatrix. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

AbbeDon’t let her quiescent state fool you. Dark grey Abbe was in and out of foster care all her kittenhood due to being so vicious and tormented, clearly having come from a dark past.

David BowieDavid Bowie, a grey and brown tabby, is about to shred his human slave for making him dance. Can you tell?

BelleGrey Belle (no relation to Blue Belle) likes to whup bottoms. We can’t make this stuff up.

King HenryKing Henry, a grey and white royal, believes that you should worship him and be submissive to him. It’s called W/s in the scene for you newbies.

CozmoI think brown tabby Cozmo is pissed because he’s not as grey as the rest of the kitties on this page. He just has shadings of grey around his face. And if you visit his page, you’ll see what he thinks of this glorification of grey cats and this misrepresentation of the W/s lifestyle that is getting so much media attention!

FerdinandFerdinand, a grey and white tabby with brilliant amber yellow eyes, sparkles in the sun. Okay, not really, there’s NO sparkling on this page because that would not be original. But Ferdinand is another kitty with a tortured and tragic past that has turned him mean. And given him a love for boxes.

SmackeyWee grey tabby Smackey can hold her own with dogs. And with rich CEOs who want to own her, for she will trip them all on the stairs.

GilbertWhite and grey Gilbert is really bored by this post and thinks it’s poorly written. Nothing to see here, move along.

EugeneLast for today is our darkest shade of grey, Eugene, who is staring at you through the bars of the cage he keeps you in when he doesn’t need you for anything else.

Have a colorful week!

Meankitty

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Gallery: Skippy

Saturday, December 29th, 2012

Name: Skippy the Holiday Menace
Location: NC

Skippy is a menace

Next barf stop — the floor vents! I love barfin’ in the floor vents, man.

What makes Skippy so mean?

This is Skippy. He is a little Grinch spreading holiday mayhem throughout the house – namely in the form of barf. The darn cat eats the plastic Christmas tree branches and then proceeds to puke all over the place. He purposely seeks out the most obnoxious and hard to clean spots to leave his not-so-tidy tidings.

To make matters worse, the little hairball will go from barfing to meowing at the top of his lungs for food. We don’t give it to him right away because we don’t want to clean up more barf. Of course that makes him get even more in-your-face loud.

Photo submitted by: Sandi

PS Skippy lives with Winston (3)

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Gallery: Kitty

Friday, December 28th, 2012

Name: Kitty
Location: Unknown

Kitty is mean

That wasn’t psychosis, that was the hazing I had to inflict to become a member of SOHC. Silly humans.

What makes Kitty so mean?

Kitty (simple name) has truly shown an evil streak in the past but has since been exorcised…although at times he does give a look that brings back memories…

Memories of standing on top of furniture (four grown men trying to avoid claws) on Christmas morning when Kitty mentally skipped a groove and went ballistic, which worked the other 2 cats and all 4 men in the room into a frenzy of wrapping paper, falling furniture and debris. Finally we used thick oven mitts to grab him and lock him in the bedroom for a timeout. He was out of the bedroom by the afternoon but growling and hissing for another couple of days, keeping everyone (cats and humans) sleeping with one eye open for about a week. True feline psychosis!

Photo submitted by: Buck

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Gallery: Holly Beast

Thursday, December 27th, 2012

Name: Holly Beast
Location: Georgia

Holly is a meankitty

You know, this “random” attack thing is misunderstood. They aren’t random. They are strategically timed to engender the greatest amount of servile obedience. But you know humans — half blind and their noses barely work to boot.

What makes Holly so mean?

We got Holly in December of 2002. She was so named because of the Christmas season. We took to calling her Holly Berry because she was so sweet and cute. She’s still a pretty cat and she can be sweet, IF she wants to be! Why is she a mean kitty?

1. Although she lives in a household of 4 cats, she thinks she should be THE cat. She randomly attacks her brother and sisters. She used to love her brother Chip, two months younger. I have pictures of them cuddled and sleeping. Now she hates his guts and hisses every time she sees him or if he sniffs her (she, of course, reserves the right to sniff his behind whenever she wants!).

2. She thinks she is the queen of my bed and will chase the other cats off.

3. She is a foodie and her figure shows it. (One of her nicknames is Short Round.) She comes running when she hears the pop of a cat food can lid and pushes the other cats away from the dish. She may have already eaten, but that doesn’t matter. Holly comes first!

4. She has to be the center of attention. She sits on my paper when I try to work the crossword puzzle. When I am at the computer, she stands in front of the screen or sits on top of my hand and the mouse pad to keep me from working. ACK! Here she is now! When I am doing my paper crafts, she sits on my supplies, even though I have given her a canvas tote bag in her own corner of the table. If you try to move her from any of these spots, she doesn’t just bite you, she GNAWS on your arm.

5. If I don’t move fast enough to do what she wants, she yells at me. It sounds an awful lot like cursing.

This is why she is now called Holly Beast, or just Beast, instead of Holly Berry.

Submitted by: Beth

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Gallery: Watson

Wednesday, December 26th, 2012

Name: Watson
Location: Canada

Watson is a meankitty

The great trick is there never WAS a previous human slave, just some buddies of mine dressed up in a trench coat and standing on each other’s heads. We got the idea from a cartoon. Humans will believe anything!

What makes Watson so mean?

Don’t be fooled by the peaceful demeanor and reading the Bible. This is one ferocious feline. She arrived just before Christmas one year to stay as a guest while her “owner” (i.e. previous domestic staff) was out of town for a few days. Well, day 2 of her visit, she bit her host on the finger bad enough to require IV antibiotics and 3 months of physiotherapy. Then she hid in the basement for a month.

NOW, she rules the household. Current favorite tricks are:
- Sitting in the middle of the stairs, and taking a swipe at the human as he walks by.
- Walking across the computer keyboard, just to make her contribution to that e-mail or other dockkkkkEEEEEDDDFument.
- Sampling EVERYTHING the human eats or appears to eat. (No, Watson, you don’t want dental floss. Or my cellphone). She does, however, eat peas, corn, lima beans, and parsley. And will kill for chicken.
- Hissing at and generally annoying any girlfriends who visit.
- Awakening the human at odd hours of the night and whining if asked to move off the human’s pillow – even though she has her own.
- Sharpening her claws on the carpet on the stairs (so she can lie down while doing it) and testing them on a regular basis on the human.
- Insisting the bird feeder outside her window is kept constantly stocked, for her viewing pleasure.

Oddly enough, the previous human has remained out of town, so Watson remains with the new human. And the finger is doing much better, thank you.

Submitted by: Cam

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Gallery: Kiwi

Tuesday, December 25th, 2012

Name: Kiwi
Location: Baton Rouge

Kiwi is a meankitty

What’s this ‘not for me’ present crap? If it’s wrapped, it’s for me. I don’t care what’s inside, I just like the paper and ribbon!

What makes Kiwi so mean?

Just wanted to share with you my meankitties, especially Kiwi. He and Ruby have even been kicked out of their grandma’s house for their nighttime hijinks.

Kiwi was six weeks old when I got him. He was given to me in college by a friend who swore he was female. Two weeks later, we notice a little mass down below. SURPRISE! A few weeks later, he started spraying on my roommate’s clothes when I would leave. Now he’s fat and lazy by day, terror at night!

When he’s not on the bed — which may be a combined 78 minutes per day — he’s eating, trying to eat food as you are cooking, and waiting for a litter box clean-up so he can use one of his five stomachs to stink it up again. He doesn’t know how to cover his tracks either, if you know what I mean. He loves to knock on blinds in the middle of the night, since so much action seems to be going on in an apartment complex at 3 a.m. He also likes to open Christmas presents that are not for him.

Photo submitted by: Emily

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Gallery: Zephyr

Monday, December 24th, 2012

Name: Zephyr
Location: Unknown

Zephyr is mean

That blankie up there is looking a bit festive. I may have to take it out.

What makes Zephyr so mean?

My cat is a neutered furball of angry mess. His name is Zephyr, and his nickname is Zephyrelli. Now, when he was first taken off the cold streets, he adored being in a nice warm house. We loved having him here! Until his mean kitty side started to show. We have definitely learned a few things:

1. He HATES anything festive. If it involves a holiday, and there is a decoration for it, it is banished!! He will stomp and crash everything he can reach. Christmas trees? Not on his watch! We tried a very small one, no bigger than a milk carton, and even THIS is too festive for Zephyrelli. He jumps onto the table and smashes it all to the ground. Of course, this is followed by a very luxurious sleep that involves sprawling out in all directions on the table.

2. All tables belong to him. Never mind placemats, those are for the ground. The way he knocks these (and other things down) is this. He will start slowly pushing it to see if he can move it. If successful, he will make a full swat and it will crash down.

3. He must be petted, but only on his time. This is common for other meankitties, and it is the same for Zephyr. If you touch him at any other time, it is instantly playtime, and sharp, hazardous teeth will be embedded into your fingers.

4. Then there is playtime. This involves Z latching his arms around your wrist, biting your fingers, and kicking furiously at your forearm with his back claws. And I mean FURIOUSLY. If it didn’t break the skin, he’ll try again!

5. Ah, the topic of ruining things. Zephyr stops at nothing to get attention. No door can stop him! He has BITTEN the wood off the bottom of the bathroom door AND the carpet in front of the front door! How dare anyone leave Zephyr by himself?!

6. We had to make a sleeping arrangement for Zephyr. He is NOT allowed to sleep in the bedroom anymore. When we first got him, we let him sleep with us. We learned quickly that sleeping humans are NOT tolerated. He walks across you as if you are not even there, sleeps ON your head, paws insanely at your face and even bites your nose. We leave him in the living room and close the bedroom door at night. Which leads to…

7. THE CONSTANT MEWING. Zephyrelli has sleeping radars! If anyone is in the bedroom talking, he doesn’t seem to mind. BUT if anyone is in bed sleeping or whispering softly (saying goodnight, talking about our day etc.) Zephyr pushes his head against the door and meows at the top of his lungs. He sounds like he swallowed something awful and it is affecting his voice, but really, it is just his “LET ME IN, LOVE ME NOW!” mew.

8. Strange urinating habits: Our bathroom also has to have a closed door at all times. Zephyr likes to pee down the drain of either the sink or the bathtub, whichever is free. He’s very good about it though. It’s only pee, and he makes sure he scratches it all down the drain when he is finished. Also in the bathroom is the toilet, which he drinks profusely from. His bowl is always full and yet the tasty toilet water is what suits his fancy.

Also in the department of strange urinating habits is anything in bucket form. Like my boyfriend’s lunch bag for work. Zephyr has decided this is a much better place to pee than his litter box.

Photo submitted by: Ayla

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Gallery: Leo and Sammie

Sunday, December 23rd, 2012

Name: Leo (tabby) and Sammie (black)
Location: Georgia

Leo and Sammie are meankitties.

Quick...let's share the cat tree peacefully for a minute so it ruins the picture she's trying to take for Meankitty!

What makes Leo and Sammie so mean?

From rescue cats to cat-divas! Leo and Sammie don’t like each other one bit and fight over who gets to be the “top cat” on the cat condo. Sammie in particular has had a rough life. He is a tripod and thinks he can use that to his advantage. He loves to bite my head and ears and bat at my nose at 4am because HE WANTS TO EAT. When they get the “midnight crazies” there is no stopping them. And at Christmas time, guess who tries to eat the little decorative tree? Leo! And of course he does it in the middle of the night.

Leo and Sammie are meankitties

Humans are so judgy! Artificial trees TASTE better as an after-midnight snack.

Submitted by: Rachel Kall (author at http://www.rachelkall.com/)

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Gallery: Spike

Sunday, December 23rd, 2012

Name: Spike
Location: The North Pole

Spike is a meankitty

Christmas Christmas time is here....time to trash and time to sneer!

What makes Spike so mean?

Not only does Spike look a bit like the Grinch, he plays the Grinch as well. For the past three years Spike has taken down the family tree. We’ve tried everything, fishing wire from the tree to various “secure areas” on the wall to constant Spike monitoring. All to no avail. Spike always wins and takes it down. The best part, he struts away after each take down showing absolutely no remorse.

Photo submitted by: John

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Gallery: House of M

Saturday, December 22nd, 2012

Name: Magick, Mystick, Medea, Merlin (House of M)
Location: Bedford, VA

A Letter From the Mean Cats of America:

House of M is full of meankitties

Hey Mean Kitty and Big D! this is the crew at Mean Cats of America—Magick (the original), Merlin (aka Puke Boy or PB), Mystick (Hyssi Myssi) and Medea (aka The Alien In The Library or Chub Chubs)!

House of M lurking meankitty

We had a great Christmas season—or Yule as the Slaves call it…does it matter? Everyone knows I (Magick) am the Jolla Kotter (Yule Cat who scratches out the eyes of lazy children who do not appreciate getting clothing for Christmas) and THAT was the important thing.

House of M ChristmasThe tree WAS so beautiful! Slaves actually went out and bought a carousel for it so it could turn around and I could smack the balls off of all sides! What fun! Sometimes they can be so considerate! They also got an expensive new tree that has LED lights so I can’t munch on those yummy tiny bulbs–don’t know why she freaked so badly anyway. I’ve swallowed worse things than broken glass. She forgot about the Q-tip episode and the $300 vet bill!

Meankiitties wreck the jointWe didn’t get a pic of Medea—she is in Solitary Confinement in the library most of the day and we only see each other in passing with much hissing and growling and a swipe or two.

Meankitty eats the present

Signed,
Magick, on behalf of the crew—MagickMerlinMystickMedea

Magick’s Page / Mystick’s Page / Merlin’s Page / Medea’s Page / House of M Holiday Update

Meankitty tired

PS from Mommy Slave— Magick is the black Norwegian Forest Cat, Merlin is the white odd-eye, Mystick is the gray tabby/Egyptian Mau. Medea is a black Oriental who looks like she swallowed a loaf of bread whole and is in a constant state of panic. She’d be more impressive if you could HEAR her. She screams. And bites ankles. And absolutely despises the duster. Daddy Slave says the library sounds like the howling from the pits of Hell when the duster gets ‘accidentally’ left in on the books.

Submitted by: Ravyn

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