Gallery: Merlin J Poopbutt

Name: Merlin J. Poopbutt
Location: Kitty heaven

Merlin is a meankitty

Refereeing all the wimmins kept me young! Had to put them in their place, man.

What makes Merlin so mean?

What made him MEAN were other mean kitties! He never scratched the furniture or the people, though he had long claws. I never heard him hiss. He never pooped or peed on all the things. Even when I had children and they were less than gentle, he tolerated their graceless manhandling with tons of purr. He never got underfoot, but would always “supervise” from the sidelines whenever we were doing housework or some other project. We think he was a handyman in a past life.

But the meanness in him came out when I got married. My husband had a calico named Freebie. I had Merlin and a tiny neurotic tabby named Nimue. Freebie and Nimue didn’t get along. One morning not long after we moved in together, we awoke to find the livingroom covered in blood. Bloody footprints on the carpet, blood splattered across the walls. It was horrific.

We located Freebie, cornered behind my husband’s bicycle in the back of the kitchen, Merlin staring her down through the spokes, and Nimue nursing a wounded paw. We reconstructed the incident based on the evidence and the crime scene, and figured out that Freebie and Nimue must have gotten into it, and Merlin intervened.

We found Freebie a happier home where she could be supreme ruler again. Two years later, Nimue found a quiet home with a nice old lady, where she didn’t have to endure the squalling of our new furless baby, nor feel compelled to pee on all furless baby’s things nor claw up furless baby’s doorway in protest. Merlin stayed with us until the end of his days at the age of 16. He was the sweetest, gentlest cat friend that ever lived and he is greatly missed.

Submitted by: Author JL Hilton (


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