Archive for October, 2012
Wednesday, October 31st, 2012
Location: Your Halloween Nightmares
You got too close, SUCKA!
What makes Helen so mean?
Helen was found at 1 1/2 weeks in my driveway after her mama, a cat that supposedly belongs to us because we feed her, abandoned her.
Helen is a really sweet cat. To me, anyways. My mother’s best friends call her the demon-kitty, and my brother’s girlfriend is deathly afraid of her. The ONLY time she’ll warm up to anyone (well, except MY boyfriend, whom she absolutely loves) is when they’ve been around for a long time. She’s very shy, so if strangers get close she hisses and swats.
Submitted by: Kelly
Wednesday, October 24th, 2012
Unprovoked, huh? Did you look at me funny? Did you steal some of my air? Did you get in or near my space? Hardly unprovoked, then!
What makes Joey so mean?
Joey is loving, purrs a lot and loves…around me. Anyone else and I would leave the country if I were them! The only other being he doesn’t try to eat as frequently as everyone else is my MeanDogKitty, Bailey. However, even Bailey becomes lunch sometimes.
Mean Kitty Joey. Deadly, unprovoked attacks may occur randomly.
Submitted by: Salem
Tuesday, October 23rd, 2012
Name: George the Cat
I am bored with your silliness. Scram.
What makes George so mean?
My name is George and I shoot lasers out of my eyes. I have tricked my slaves into thinking that I am not a mean kitty, but they are fools! In the past I used to enjoy peeing on everything in sight. I have grown bored of such silliness, and now I poop on the spare bed for kicks. My brother Chairman Meow and I are big fans of random destruction. Our favourite game is to knock food from the kitchen counter onto the floor so that the family dog will gobble it down and then throw it up. We are such clever cats.
Submitted by: Chris
Monday, October 22nd, 2012
I’d love to sink these white, gleaming babies into a raw potato.
What makes Frank so mean?
Although he’s sometimes a sweetheart, Frank can get quite nasty (just look at those fangs). He spends most of his time doing horrible things he’s not supposed to do, such as hanging off the shower curtain, destroying furniture, and clawing at the kitchen cupboards until he can get at some of his favourite toys, raw potatoes (no, really). His sisters, Spliffy & Black, are constantly under attack, and even though they are older and wiser than he, he has no respect for them whatsoever. He will chase them from one end of the apartment and back until HE decides he’s had enough and collapses in a heap.
You got me snipped, you human doofus! Just for that I’m licking my butt and drooling into your mouth. MMMMMMMMM.
We know when Frank is on the prowl, because of the constant yowling (even though he is fixed. Maybe that’s what he’s yowling about.) If he decides you shouldn’t be sleeping, he’ll let you know. He’ll yowl and yowl until you have no choice but to lock him out of the bedroom in the wee small hours, at which point he’ll claw at the carpet under the bedroom door until it peels away from the floor and folds up, thereby locking you IN the bedroom…very nasty.
When he decides to be affectionate (usually when you’re trying to sleep), he stomps on your chest with his huge tiger paws and DROOLS, sometimes in your eye or mouth.
Submitted by: Lisa M.
Sunday, October 21st, 2012
You think Lucky’s poo was bad, wait and see the doody I make after eating those olives.
What makes Buster so mean?
We have a story about our cats rebelling. Someone came to stay with us and brought their 2 massive dogs. During the night the kitten (Buster) ransacked the kitchen. He removed trash from the trashcan and put it in the sink. He knocked over the decorative food jars that have peppers and olives in them. There were little olives all over the floor. The juice from the jars spilled everywhere into the tile grout. To add insult to injury, Buster ripped open the bag of dog food and strung it all over the floor.
We were sleeping on the futon and the oldest cat, Lucky, pooped near our heads by the pillow. The smell woke us from a sound sleep. It was absolutely disgusting. Needless to say, our house guest and her pets had to leave.
Submitted by: Anon
Saturday, October 20th, 2012
Location: St Louis, MO
I’m a kitty-weight boxing champion. Float like a cat hair…sting like a bee!
What makes Burt so mean?
Burt the Bad really likes attention! Burt is a sphynx. Is it the fact that he lacks whiskers that makes him so evil? I don’t know.
Lilly (Cornish Rex) the good hates him. He is always messing with her. Burt is very curious and loves to meet people at the door. Never shy with strangers. Boxing is another one of his favorites sports. Especially boxing guests he does not like.
Come on, come on, put up your dukes and go a few rounds.
Burt has his good moments and is at times very affectionate. He loves to keep me from reading. He follows me around the house when he is not baking in a window or on the radiators. A rotten habit he has is sleeping next to my head with a paw on my face purring all night, when he is not giving me “love bites” on my chin.
Submitted by: Ami
Friday, October 19th, 2012
Location: Swansea, IL
Step into the tub…step into the tub…don’t look down, just step over. Yeah, that’s right…
What makes Bunter so mean?
In Bunter’s household, the humans have been trained to be very careful when approaching the bathtub.
Trust me on this one.
Pay no attention to that cat behind the curtain! (Yeah, right, that’s what he wants you to believe.)
Submitted by: Blodwen
Friday, October 19th, 2012
Humans don’t need to be drinking that coffee stuff anyway. What’s wrong with licking the moisture off plastic bags when you’re thirsty? Or the occasional toilet cuppa?
What makes Auroro so mean?
Between her morning pouncing on my counter, spilling coffee and who knows what everywhere, and her sleeping on my table when it’s laundry day, I don’t know what’s sweeter. Auroro or sugar. She’ll love you to death!
Seriously, she comes up to me all the time to snuggle, but when she does I can feel her clawing at my throat. Lovely, right?
Submitted by: BJ
Thursday, October 18th, 2012
I am practing the way I shall suffocate you in your sleep, stupid bedstealing human.
What makes Deutschland so mean?
My girlfriend’s cat is the most mean, violent and evil cat known to mankind. She absolutely hates me. Before I moved in with my girlfriend, she had half the bed to herself. Now, when I try to sleep, she attempts to murder me by wrapping herself around my head to suffocate me.
She’s been declawed but has a powerful hook. Her favorite trick is to hook in your hand then shave it to the bone with her teeth. Sometimes she’ll just turn around and try to blind you with her rear claws for a change.
50% cat, 50% evil genius, 100% attitude.
Her favorite thing is chasing wrinkles; sometimes she gets so excited she gnaws on my hands and face for minutes at a time afterwards, or just settles for flying leaps and biting.
Her other favorite job is to wait until you’re reading, slide over and sit on the book you’re reading, then bite you if you try to extract it. She’s evil.
Submitted by: Ashley
Wednesday, October 17th, 2012
The slave tried to put flowers on me to make me look sweet… I don’t think it works, do you?
What makes Francesca so mean?
Meet Francesca, my mean Manx. She’s wakes me at 4:30 a.m. every day with loud meows and jogs across my body so I’ll get up and cater to her feline Highness’s every need! For example…
“My bowl is full of dry food that’s been there for a ghastly 6 hours…throw it out and replenish it with fresh stuff!”
“I need the faucet turned on for my drinking pleasure immediately!”
“Let me outside right meow-now so I can roll on the ground and play with my toys outside!”
She lures me to pet her then tosses her head and ears back to reveal devilish green eyes, sharp teeth, hisses and claws whatever part of my body she can reach. That’s certainly a mood killer!
She hates other people, cats and raccoons and loves birds and bugs. Loves to EAT birds and bugs, that is!
Submitted by: Lani