Location: Chesapeake, VA
My name is Pungo Montoya. You killed my hairball. Prepare to die!
What makes Pungo so mean?
Dear humans: When you went to pick me up as a 2 lb ball of kitten fluff, didn’t you ask the lady who was shoving me into your arms where all of those scratches and bite marks came from??? Come on, you had it coming!
I like approximately 1.5 people in the world–my mom and the little girl–I merely tolerate the so called husband. The vet has a stupid yellow label with the words AGGRESSIVE PATIENT written on it in bold ink on my limo aka crate aka HELL CAGE THAT WILL DIE WHENEVER I GROW OPPOSABLE THUMBS. Ha-Ha! They haven’t seen anything yet.
I hate you. In case you were wondering.
I hate most everyone who walks into my house. I lead them on by meowing softly and flicking my big beautiful tail around their legs and then WHAM!!! I stick my teeth into them, growling and hissing at the same time. Makes them run and scream out of the room. Why do I do this? Because I can.
My meow is more like a screech. It makes nails on a chalkboard sound like a lullaby. Oh, and if you happen to be my mom’s little sister, I truly cannot stand you. Period. In my 8 short years I have trapped you in bathrooms, in bedrooms, outside the house and in the kitchen in the middle of the night where I laughed when you had to call your big sister from your phone to come save you from me while she was upstairs sleeping. You are lucky you had your phone on you. I might hate you more because you also happen to be a vet, but you’ll never know. Until it’s too late…
Louise? LOUISE?? What have they done to you!
I am also high maintenance. I refuse to drink from water bowls and resort to drinking from those white things in the house with ice cold water in them. For good measure I also like to splash my paws around in them and get the seat all wet…makes it fun when you sit down in the dark. I hate being brushed, and I know I have caused you to have puncture wounds that required a trip to the doctor. You, of course, retaliated and took me to the vet to get me shaved that summer. Payback is coming–I promise–for that little adventure.
You aren't going to enjoy the interest I charge on payback, human.
For added fun, I like to suffocate my mom at night by sleeping on her chest. Sure, she can’t breathe, but I am warm and happy. If she tries to brush me off, I simply come back and bite whatever body part happens to be unprotected by the blanket. My bed, my move, my way or you know what will happen.
The bag of my expensive cat food that I love to half chew and half throw up says “Maine Coons are the gentle giants of the cat world.” Mwhahahahahaha!!!!!!
Submitted by: Laura Jenkins