Meankitty.com

Name: Gracie
Location: Unknown

You silly human. You only have dibs when I say you have dibs.

What makes Gracie so mean?

What makes my cat Gracie mean? Well, there’s the usual catly things like tracking litter all over the carpet (I understand some of that is unavoidable, but do you HAVE to jump out of the box, sprint to my bed, and then paw at the sheets?). And who can forget “I need to search inside this closet NOW! I don’t care that it’s 4am! Open the door!” But those are pretty typical.

The things she does that I KNOW are intentional and in poor spirit are sleeping on the keyboard (and biting me if I try to move her–hey, I make a living on that machine, I have dibs!) and preferring any glass of water I have to her freshly cleaned, just filled water bowl. No matter how tantalizing I try to make it. I can’t drink out of the cup beside my bed when I wake up in the morning, because I KNOW she’s been getting kitty drool in it all night.

Here's the joke. I'm not actually drinking anything, just spoofing off hairs.

She knows right where the edge is, and she really likes to keep me hovering there, without quite pushing me over. Mean kitty!

Submitted by: Colin

Name: Gracie (2) aka Maw Maw
Location: Wisconsin

I don't answer to "Maw Maw", and I don't know why they keep saying it.

What makes Gracie so mean?

We have a cat named Gracie Paula (aka Maw Maw). Yes, the cat has a middle name. Gracie was an accident. About 8 years ago, my mom was working as a social worker/case worker with families, and she visited one home where this very cute little striped kitten was being abused by a 3 year old boy. The boy would throw the kitty against the wall, flush her down the toilet, lock her in drawers for hours. My mom decided she had to rescue “Kitty.”

We already had 2 cats at home and a dog, and my dad said that if my mother brought another cat home, we would have to name the cat “Ted left.”

From this angle, the bite marks on your face don't look so bad.

Gracie soon grew into a very large cat. She terrorized our poor sweet cat. She loved the dog. The dog was, without a doubt, Gracie’s favorite person. She slept on the dog’s bed. She drank from the dog’s water. She went outside in the morning with the dog. She yowled when the dog passed away.

Gracie’s nicknames now include: Maw Maw, Big Rig, Junebug, Marge and Fat Cat.

Why is Gracie mean? She plots revenge. We can see her eyes change from green to orange, and we know she is thinking, “I’ll get you, my pretty”. She comes and lays on a lap and slaps her tail, like some sort of gladiator challenging us to take the bait. And oh, does this cat love to bite. She hisses at me when I pass her in the hallway. We now own a very long duster (the kind with a wooden rod and a bit fluff at the end) I have labeled “the Gracie stick”. I use it to remove her from the table, when she refuses to get down.

Take your Gracie stick a shove it! You can reach me up here.

Gracie can be found on Facebook, under the name Gracie Maw Maw Paula. She has a few friends but doesn’t care for any of them. The interests and hobbies listed are real. She bit me many times while I was helping her create the page.

Submitted by: Sadie (in fear of her life)

Name: Admiral Oreo
Location: Indiana

And I'll have fun, fun, fun till the humans take the TP away.....

What makes Oreo so mean?

Admiral Oreo is so mean because any chance he gets, he runs into the bathroom and unrolls the toilet paper for fun. He also hides in the shower EVERY MORNING and waits for me to come and use the restroom, at which point he jumps through the shower curtain and attacks me while I am half asleep just trying to pee. He steals all the food from the other cats and is constantly attacking them to the point where they will sit on my lap just so he will leave them alone. Also when you play with him and then quit but he’s not ready to be done, he chases you down and tackles your legs, biting and clawing before he runs away again.

Submitted by: Judy

Name: Mao
Location: Large Household Appliances

Boy, I can *really* whiz on the clean laundry before she has a chance to put it away now.

What makes Mao so mean?

Mao is a mean kitty because he screams and screams and screams. Mao doesn’t cry – he screams between 80 and 100 decibels. This kitty could result in material damage to one’s hearing.

Mao came to live with me some three years ago. He’s an adult oriental shorthair show cat that needed a place to spend the balance of his years. The first indication of his proclivity to more than talk was when I flew to LA to retrieve him and bring him back to San Francisco. In the airport he made such a racket that people started looking for the crying child. He kept this up until I put my hand in the carrier. On the flight the only way to keep him from screaming was to constantly touch him. Of course the fact that the flight ended up circling the Monterey Peninsula for 45 additional minutes due to air traffic didn’t help matters. Thank goodness he’s a charmer and a flight attendant allowed me to hold his carrier in my lap rather than put him on the floor.

I have learned that with Mao isn’t not necessarily anxiety that makes him yell, scream and cry. He hates the phone and begins screaming as soon as I get on it. Strangers who phone ask if I have a child having a melt down. Mao also screams as soon as you walk out the door – he goes off like an alarm. He is very social and likes to be with his person.

He also will sit in the kitchen every morning and scream until he gets his cuttle fish treats. He knows where they are kept and goes off like an alarm anytime he can convince someone to give him some. He’s a happy, healthy nine pound boy as a result of his insistent for between meal snacks. Mao knows when I am expected home and sits at the door and cries if I’m late. Needless to say this high maintenance pal is never left home without a say in cat sitter.

Meet Mao’s “buddy”, Neko.

Submitted by: Rebecca

Name: Neko
Location: Mao’s House

See these ears? Useless. Mao busted my eardrums. That deserves a good beat-down, right?

What makes Neko so mean?

Thinking that Mao would settle down and stop crying with a companion, his pal Neko was adopted more than a year ago. Now Neko is all of five pounds and appears to be such a tiny, sweet kitty. Looks are deceiving. She is fascinated with anything cardboard which she tears apart with her nails and mouth, and she is confused between her litter box and down comforters (two down and none in the house).

Neko prefers to sleep under the covers like a person instead of in a kitty bed. That probably sounds like a kind and gentle kitty. Well, Neko lacks the gentle touch to indicate she wants under the covers. She will hit me so hard in the face that she will draw blood. There have been too many mornings that I have gone to work with a cut lip or a cheek abrasion. Cover stick is my friend.

Past her desire to abuse me, she abuses poor Mao. She runs around and bites his rear end. She now runs the place. Mao hasn’t stopped crying and Neko is here to stay. Oh and yes, Mao taught Neko to scream as well. Thank goodness she’s only in the 60 decibel range.

Meet Mao.

Submitted by: Rebecca

Name: Onyx
Location: S Florida

In a houseful of cats, I am the Meanest! And Thor is the wussiest.

What makes Onyx so mean?

My name is Onyx. Mom and Dad came to get my adopted brother, Horus, from a website they saw. They were told that if they paid for one cat, that they could get another. So I went home with Mom and Dad and realized that along with Horus, I would have three other brothers, Odin, Loki and Thor.

Dad considered me to be a foo foo cat, as I have long hair and everyone kept calling me “her” including the vet that Mom and Dad took me to. They thought I was a girl. I wanted to play with everyone after the first week, but I knew that Mom was my property. I don’t pay much attention to Dad. But to Mom, I would crawl up her leg meowing like a kitten and act sweet and purr and nuzzle her ears. But that darn Thor always wanted to be with Mom too and was always trying to be sweet. When Mom isn’t looking, I chase Thor around, batting at him and upsetting him, until he bats back and becomes nervous, hiding in corners like some kind of freak. Yeah–not too sweet then, is he?

When Mom DOES catch me being mean to Thor, she squirts me with the squirt bottle. Dad calls me a bully.

Submitted by: Tamara

Name: Norman
Location: Bates Motel

Are you taking a shower, you wicked girl?

What makes Norman so mean?

Norman is named after Norman Bates from the movie PSYCHO. He was named 3 days after we got him at 8 weeks, after he launched himself at the shower curtain and ShReDdEd it with his evil claws whilst we were taking a bath. Since then he has manifested pure and unadulterated evil thoughout the house including but not limited to destroying lounges, glassware, crockery, lamps, windowsills blah blah blah.

HE IS AN EVIL FELINE!

Submitted by: Mr. Bates

Name: Libby
Location: Unknown

I have an advanced degree in stealth and hiding. That's why my location is unknown!

What makes Libby so mean?

Christmas 2005: My parents and I traveled to the local animal shelter in search of a new kitten for me. We had become a foster family to our neighbor’s kitten but we had to give the kitten back because she was a gift for our neighbor’s daughter. My parents had their hearts set on a different cat, but Libby reached out, grabbed my coat, and would not let me go. If I started to look at other cats she would meow very loud and begin to play with the toys they had inside her cage, trying to get me to look at her. I was instantly smitten.

We adopted her and she quickly created a new ranking system in our family. The four other cats, all males, are terrified of her! She strikes the fear of God into their hearts with just one look from those bright green eyes. Before they enter the room they each check all four corners and any other area she may hide in so they will not be caught off guard. They never look hard enough. They also have been subjected to other cruel attacks. They have been shoved down the stairs, pushed into the running shower, and when they try to defend themselves, it angers her even more and they get the crap beat out of them.

She is a very intelligent cat. Before she was a year old she had learned how to open and unlock doors. She was so clever we were forced to put a child-proof doorknob on some of the doors so she couldn’t get in. She throws temper tantrums if she does not get her way. If you tell her no, she will stare into your eyes and knock over something as if saying, “Take this!”

She also has a strong obsession with pens and pencils. She is always taking them away from me when I’m trying to do my homework

Submitted by: Caitlin

Name: Liam
Location: Ugly Bedspread

Well, Bob, it's like this. You can sleep on the couch, or I can slice up your face. Your choice.

What makes Liam so mean?

This is Liam. He came to live with us about a year ago, and is definitely one MEAN kitty. Please note the evil spider pattern between his ears. I am certain this is some type of mark of a mean kitty.

This is his favorite spot, which is where I sleep. He and I have been engaged in a struggle over this particular spot for the past year, and as you can see, he’s winning. He is a big cat, and has BIG claws. He never hesitates to use those claws to defend his space on the bed. He also likes to lay on his back and invite unsuspecting visitors to my house to rub his tummy, at which time he will shred them like confetti.

Submitted by: Bob

Name: Norma (aka Tiger)
Location: Unknown

If they're not careful, I'll extend my scratch and sniff rights to their butts.

What makes Norma so mean?

This…this is Norma, aka “Tiger”. She looks sweet and innocent but don’t let looks fool you! She demands what I like to call “scratch and sniff rights”, which means she reserves the right to lick and taste any food item that comes in the house. She constantly scratches the couch even though I provided three scratching posts and set them right by the couch! I can’t even walk in the door without constant meowing until I break down and give her treats. These treats must be “Dreamy Duos” tuna flavor or they will not be touched and the howling will continue.

She constantly picks on my other two cats who are not in any way shape or form mean. [Meankitty's Note: Sounds like they're dumb!] Last but not least, I haven’t been able to go to the bathroom by myself in three years without constant yowling at the door.

Submitted by: Bob