Archive for December, 2011

Gallery: David Bowie

Thursday, December 15th, 2011

Name: David Bowie
Location: Kansas City

David Bowie is a meankitty.

Step away from the cupboards. In fact, get outta my kitchen!

What makes DB so mean?

My name is David Bowie, and I’m the Meanest Kitty in Kansas City. When I’m not barfing in the hallway, lacerating the curtains or gnawing on my sister’s ears, I spend my spare time guarding the kitchen cupboards and hissing at anyone who dares try enter my kitchen.

David Bowie is murderous

Ceiling fans fall and kill humans in their sleep allllllllllll the time...

My hobbies are eating plants, shredding books, and eating and then pooing out everything from shoestrings to Christmas tree garland. My ‘slave’ Sarah for some reason thinks that I like dancing, but when she insists, I plan all the different ways I can kill her in her sleep and make it look like an accident. I’m 19 pounds of PURE MEAN. Mess with the cat, and you’ll get the claws.

Submitted by: Sarah

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Letters: Santa for Kitties?

Wednesday, December 14th, 2011

Dear Meankitty,

Have you or Big D ever seen Santa Claws?

Sincerely,
Curious Fan

**

Dear Curious,

Sort of. He doesn’t come around here any more for reasons that are a bit delicate.

Sincerely,

Meankitty

Kenny vs Santa

This year...that fat man is going down!

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Gallery: Donald

Tuesday, December 13th, 2011

Name: Donald
Location: Edmonton, Alberta

Donald is a meankitty

I'm in the mood for a tap water bender. Hook me up, human!

What makes Donald so mean?

This is Donald, he has always been mean.

I adopted him from the Humane Society seven years ago. His name was Donnie and he was just little. When I brought him home, he hid under our futon for hours, no matter how much coaxing we used. I put some food out for him in the kitchen and waited for him to get hungry enough to come out. Eventually, he managed to find his way to the dish, but couldn’t quite figure out how to chew his new food. He howled all night out of hunger, crumbling the kibble in his teeth only to have it fall from his mouth to the floor. I called the Veterinary Hospital and they told me he’d figure it out if he was really that hungry. Sure enough, the next evening he was eating and never wanted to stop!

His new infatuation with eating sparked an insatiable urge to have food at all times. No food in the bowl? He’d find the bag and rip it open, drag it out of the cupboard and indulge himself. No food in the house? He’d howl for hours until we went out to buy some. Oh, is it 3:00 am? I guess it is feeding time. He’d claw at our faces, our doors, feet and blinds until we’d get out of bed, any time his dish ran empty. When we feed him, he views the other cats as competition and will shove them over to get at the food first.

The tyrant doesn’t stop at food; he soon started up with the water. Refusing to drink from his fresh water dish I set out each morning, he insists we turn the tap on in the sink or bathtub. He isn’t polite about it either. He’ll barge into the bathroom if we dare close the door. He’ll lay in the sink until it is put to use and insist on having us leave the tap on for him. He will meow obnoxiously in our faces if we attempt to ignore him in the least. He will drink so much cold tap water in one sitting that he’ll end up puking all over the floors. He doesn’t just care for the tap either, no no. He must knock all glasses with water over, no matter where they are or how much water is in them. It will end up on the floor. Anything but the water dish.

Donald is a meankitty for real

Which meow did you not understand? Hook. Me. Up. With. The. Sauce!!!

He isn’t such a bad cat, just obsessive compulsive about his food and water. He is the King of the bathroom and kitchen.

Submitted by: Hailie

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Gallery: Belle

Monday, December 12th, 2011

Name: Belle
Location: Under the Tree

Belle is a meankitty

Oh, you want to open THIS gift? What's the password?

What makes Belle so mean?

Belle is one mean kitty! Maybe mean is not the right word…I like to call her Hateful. She is not a lap cat, she doesn’t meow, kinda makes a cooing sound. You can pet her once or twice and STAND Back! she’s gonna swat you and hiss. When she gets pissed off, I have seen her jump my Jack Russell Terrier and whup its scrawny little bottom. Belle doesn’t like kids either, has no time for little ones. Luckily so far she’s never whupped the scrawny little bottom of a human child, just the canine.

Submitted by: Rose

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Gallery: King Henry

Sunday, December 11th, 2011

Name: King Henry
Location: Philadelphia, PA

King Henry

I'm Henry the King, I am I am! If you don't bow down, I'll pee on your head.

What makes KH so mean?

King Henry wasn’t always a king. I got him reluctantly from a pet store when he was six months old. In the beginning he was sweet and loved to play like every other psycho kitten. Eventually he would steal things from my dresser and hide them or push things off a table just to watch them fall and then tuck them somewhere that I could not find them.

I made the mistake of getting him a playmate 3 months later and he hated him. Poor Snoopy was always the brunt of his anger. I frequently had to pull Snoopy out of Henry’s headlock.

It wasn’t until yrs later that he earned the status of king. We used to have a Doberman named Jezebel and even the Doberman was afraid of Henry because Henry liked to hide in his kitty condo and take a swipe at her when she wasn’t looking then hide back in the condo to make her think no one was there. Jez would bring him her toy and he would look at the slobber drenched thing as if it was beneath him to play with her. He would refuse to drink out of a waterbowl and instead would wake me up from a deep sleep in the middle of the night to turn on the bathtub faucet for him to drink fresh water. If I didn’t heed his commands then something would get thrown onto the floor, trashcan turned over, or papers would be torn off my bulletin board. When I moved in with a friend who had 2 cats he even kicked them out because he was so dominant!

The King

I am allowing my handmaidens to recline upon my bed before they must massage my shoulders and dance for me.

He also found out that peeing and pooping on things was another avenue to take out his frustration at me. He peed on all my things and I can’t tell you how many clothes, pillows, stuffed animals and linens I threw out. He even peed on the Christmas gifts because they were in his way! If he wanted to go out and was told no, he’d poop in front of you to show his gratitude. If there was a visitor staying overnight he’d poop on their bed along with long stares at what he considered intruders.

Once he jumped on my bed sweet as pie and doing the head butting and purring. Boy was I a sucker because he slowly straddled my arm and began to urinate.

I pressed my luck 5 yrs ago and got another kitten. My vet knew how territorial Henry was and I was under strict command to only get a female kitten; otherwise that new cat would be six feet under. I was even turned down at a no kill shelter because of Henry’s personality.

When Violet first met the King she smacked him on the head. Big mistake. Although he didn’t attack her she quickly learned she was at the bottom of the pecking order. He eventually would throw her down on the floor and bite her neck to remind her of who the boss was. It didn’t help that at one time he was 27 pounds! He went on a diet and lost 5 lbs.

He had a myriad of health issues on top of his behavior. Diverticulitis, diabetes, obesity, constipation (which made for monthly bowel evacuation trips to the vet) and UTI’s/crystals. The UTI’s were so bad he even had to get major surgery to have his penis removed! But that didn’t matter, he was still the King.

Sadly, the problems he suffered got the best of him and Henry had to put to sleep on 8/16/09 immediately after I came home from a trip to Puerto Rico. He was 13 years old. What a way to come back from vacation.

Even after the round the clock care he required, trips to the ER, the peeing and the expensive medication and food he ate he was worth it. He was one of the best cats I owned-even his cremation box says King Henry on the nameplate.You are missed, crazy kitty!!

Photo submitted by: Alina

Note: RIP King Henry. You were awesomely mean.

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Gallery: Lil’Bit

Monday, December 5th, 2011

Name: Lil’Bit
Location: Lexington Park, MD

What makes Lil’Bit so mean?

Lil’Bit was a neighbor’s barn cat that we began to feed and eventually make our indoor/outdoor cat. When we first took her in she was terrified of everything. She wouldn’t even walk on the carpet but would instead jump from the entrance tile onto the ledge that bordered the living room until she got to the kitchen, where she was once again safe on tile.

She quickly learned the perks of being an indoor cat, mainly the ability to manipulate humans into doing her bidding (food being her number one priority). Many mornings I awoke to her digging her claws into my curtains and shaking them so that the beaded trimmings would rattle and bang against the wall in an effort to get me up and feed her. She wouldn’t stop there but would immediately run under the bed and hide when I got up to throw her out. She’d patiently wait until I got back into bed before starting the whole procedure over again and again and again until I gave in and got her breakfast.

Lil Bit is a meankitty

Hello? You up yet? Or am I going to have to rattle the curtains some more?

When I changed curtains she found new objects to attack to draw my attention” the computer cord, the door knob, whatever object I happened to be using, my leg/foot. She would not be ignored when she wanted something. I’ve come inside, after ignoring her, to find her sitting on the kitchen counter waiting patiently for my return, no fear at being caught where she shouldn’t be. She seemed to be saying, “You don’t want to feed me? Well I’m going to sit right here on the counter until you do!”

Lil Bit is a meankitty

I'm not climbing the screen, I'm levitating!

Another favorite pastime is to climb up the screen of the sliding door (or bang on the glass door when she couldn’t get to the screen) and hang there looking at you until you let her in/out. Squirting her with a spray bottle only temporarily won the battle of keeping her from tearing apart the screens. She’d be back.

Submitted by: Chelsea

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Gallery: Mandarina

Sunday, December 4th, 2011

Name: Mandarina
Location: Chile

Mandarina is a meankitty

I did my tattoo apprenticeship at the SOHC School of Stealthy Ink.

What makes Mandarina so mean?

My kitty is the meaniest. We picked her up from a shelter when she was only two weeks old. Her mom was killed and she was left alone on the beach to be drowned, when a couple found her and her siblings. Touched by her story, my mother and I decided to take her home. But guess what? She took our place.

Mandarina, which means Tangerine in Spanish, has a fresh and always clean litterbox, but the living room furniture seem a lot more interesting to poop on. Gross. Also I have her nails tattoed all over my arms, her favorite move is to hug me between her front legs and bite like there’s no tomorrow. She doesn’t hunt, but she gets into the swimming pool as often as she can. Mandi also likes to be fed early in the morning, 4 am, and if she doesn’t wake someone up (not common after hours of scrathing and meowing)…she pukes on the carpet. The loveliest, isn’t she?

Submitted by: Katharina S.

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