Gallery: King James

Name: King James
Location: Unknown

King James was a meankitty

I command you to scratch the royal fluffy belly. Then I command you to hold still while I bite you for scratching the royal fluffy belly.

What makes King James so mean?

His highness came to live with us (me and my sister) after someone else declawed his royal paws! The world would pay for the injury!

King James hated his slaves’ boyfriends and would poop in the men’s shoes. He knew what shoes belonged to whom and pooped accordingly.

He once woke me from a sound sleep by punching me in the face. He had been perched above me watching me sleep and I moved before he said it was okay, so I suffered the consequences. If a dog came too close to him, wham, he’d punch them right between the eyes. With no claws, he developed a really mean right hook.

Other coping methods – he would roll on his back and pretend to want your love and affection. As soon as you put your hands out to pet his ever so soft luxuriousness, he’d bite.

While fighting a pretender to the crown (neighborhood cat) KJ and the other cat fell into the royal swimming pool. Humiliated, King James walked up the steps to the royal bedchamber, resisted all advances to aid him, and rolled all over the blanket, soaking it, before licking himself dry with his royal scratchy tongue.

King James was a meankitty.

The sweater shelf isn't throney enough. Place me somewhere higher and more regal at once!

He would allow himself to be held if no strangers were about and you would reward him by placing him somewhere extra high and cozy, like the sweater shelf. If you ever called him “Mr. Silky Pants” he’d get really pissed and leave the room.

He terrorized the neighbor’s indoor kitty by punching a hole in their screen door and running in to fight her under her own bed! But first, he created his own royal cat door in our apartment using the same methods.

At the end of his long reign (he lived well over 20 years) blind and arthritic, he demanded we take the day off from work to hold him while he passed to his royal reward (he went naturally, no vet, no drugs).

Meanest, greatest, most magnificent of all the kitty monarchs! The King is dead….mew.

Submitted by: Janette


2 Responses to “Gallery: King James”

  1. Jeannine says:

    This made me cry. We also had a cat who had been declawed before he was abandoned at the shelter. He also developed a mean right hook/left hook. He rulled the roost over 7 other cats. If he got into the mood, the went thru the house terrorizing and batting the other cats. I miss him.

  2. Meankitty says:

    Awwwwww! *pat pat*

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