Archive for September, 2011

Advice: Wee Hours Ruckus

Friday, September 30th, 2011

Dear Meankitty,

I think my cat has got it in for me. Lately she’s been going on a 4:30 am howling spree. Along with her eerie yowls, she alternates between running amuck across the bed, scratching the metal garbage can, hopping across the headboard, scrabbling under the bed like a crazed, rabid skunk, and bounding across the living room to meow at our kids’ door, threatening to wake them from their much-needed slumber (we have a small house). If we try to shut her out of any rooms, she claws that door All. Night. Long.

The other night, she added injury to insult. The headboard on our bed is a bookcase. I like to keep a sport bottle of water within reach on it; I long ago learned the water container had to be lidded. Anyway, Meankitty, I mean, the cat who owns me¬†was skipping and pronging on the headboard while howling, like she does. I rolled over and tried to pretend the noise wasn’t happening only to be klonked in the head with a heavy sport bottle of water which then opened itself (!!!) and splashed all over me, my expensive pillow, my sheets and blankets, my mattress and into the floor, where it flooded the power strip.

Meankitty, can you tell me WHY this cat behaves this way? Was she trying to electrocute me or is she just trying to exhaust me so I’ll wreck my car and be forced to stay home with a broken leg in traction? Doesn’t she realize I can’t get her food if I’m in traction?


Nobody You Know


Dear Nobody,

Good try, Typing Slave, good try. I warned you if you found out about that thing, I’d have to kill you, didn’t I? This is what you get for being so darn pokey.



PS Good luck tonight. Heh, heh, heh.