Archive for February, 2011

Gallery: Willie

Sunday, February 27th, 2011

Name: Willie
Location: Unknown

Willie is a meankitty

My house. My yard. My rules. You don't like it? Get out. But come back whenever I need a door opened, 'kay?

What makes Willie so mean?

She’s a total wench! She’s evil. She was brought into this world to make my life difficult. She chases people out of the house and across the yard, even people like me who live there.

Submitted by: Anon

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Gallery: Tinkerbell

Saturday, February 26th, 2011

Name: Tinkerbell
Location: Columbus, GA

Tinkerbell is a meankitty

Alvin down. Simon and Theodore to go. NO MORE SQUEAKWELS!

What makes Tinkerbell so mean?

Don’t be fooled by her sweet Disney name. Why is she mean? Tinkerbell is a natural hunter and loves to bring things home to us. Mostly she’ll bring home already tormented and killed rodents. But the other day it was cool outside (my dad’s all about saving money), so instead of leaving the air on, we just kept the back door open. The cats would come and go as they please.

I saw Tinkerbell coming toward the house, through the window. I didn’t think anything of it. Then all of a sudden I hear my dad yell, “Get that chipmunk out of this house!” Now, of course, you’d think she would chase after the chipmunk, torment it and finally kill it, but no, she laid down and watched my dad and I chase that little thing all the way around the house. If that’s not mean, I don’t know what is.

Submitted by: Jennifer

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Advice: Sitting Ducks

Friday, February 25th, 2011

Dear Meankitty,

Is there a reason why my cat chooses to attack my arm or face while I am sleeping? I won’t be moving and all of a sudden she jumps on the bed and attacks my arm and face and I wind up with bad punctures on my arms, thankfully not on my face. Then she just runs under the bed. Other than this, she’s a good cat…but it seems to happen once every few days and I’m scared she will try this on the upcoming baby! What do I do?

Signed,
Gelibeanr

***

Dear Gelibeanr,

It’s because you’re a sitting duck and duck tastes gooooood. Mmmm, duck.

Sincerely,
MK

PS: We don’t have any advice on how to integrate cats & babies until the twain actually meet. Big D and I are exceptionally well-mannered with the small slaves. The food/door opening slave is subject to much more “loving attention” than a baby. Usually cats are pretty tolerant of pink things until the pink things start eating their food and pulling their tails. Then, if the human parent won’t teach the pink thing not to do that, the cat WILL.

PPS: If you’re thinking of getting rid of your cat for this or that reason, we probably don’t want to hear about it.

PPPS: Seriously.

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Gallery: T-bone

Friday, February 25th, 2011

Name: T-bone
Location: Philly

Tbone is a meankitty

Is it dinnertime yet? I'm practicing being heavy.

What makes T-bone so mean?

We might have know that naming a cat T-bone would turn out poorly, but we did it anyway. He isn’t so much of a scratcher or biter, as he makes himself inconvenient. While we’re eating dinner, T-bone (and his side kick, Stanley) will steal entire halves of cheese steaks, slices of pizza, bags of pretzels (we’ve been meaning to work on our diet). After a few times, we decided that during dinner we would lock them in the bathroom. (It’s a small apartment and that’s the only actual door.)

This is always a challenge. Not only do we have to find them, but they then somehow make themselves “heavier” by pressing themselves close to the floor so we have the worst trouble picking them up. While we eat, they ransack the bathroom and sometimes “relieve” themselves in a way in which you know that it’s just for spite!

Tbone is a meankitty

Hey, I'm actually a different cat than above! I don't know if I'm Stanley or T-bone. But does it matter? What matters is, I just put some kitty litter in Angela's coffee!

We should name out next cat AngelBooBooKittyBear or something equally saccharin.

Submitted by: Angela T.

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Gallery: Sly

Thursday, February 24th, 2011

Name: Sly
Location: Memphis, TN

Sly is a meankitty

Heyyyy, Mandy! Feel like getting your furry butt whipped?

What makes Sly so mean?

Bugger having my owners tell you why I’m such a meankitty. I’ll tell you myself.

I love harassing my sister Mandy. Any opportunity I get I’ll sneak up on her and pounce! None of the wussy playful pouncing stuff – it’s all claws and flying fur when I attack. And just so she can never relax, I keep her on her toes all day, every day. Just a glance in her direction is enough to have her scampering for the cat door. When our human calls us for dinner I sneak up and wait at the cat door once again and prevent her from coming up the stairs….rrreow!

When it comes to food I push her out of the way and scoff the lot. If she finds a favourite place to sleep, guess who gets there first and is waiting for her next time she wants to take a nap?

Sly is a meanie

This is me laughing at all the havoc I cause. I'm fulla chortles!

Oh, and I’m not just a mean kitty I’m also a kitty posse, all by myself. You see there was this annoyingly wimpy old moggy called Mittens that lived downstairs from the flat where my humans live. One night I spooked this kitty so bad in the back yard that Mittens ran in terror down the driveway, right across the road, never to return. Yep, that’s right. I as good as chased off old Mittens. Not that anyone could pin it on me. Sly by name, sly by nature.

Photo submitted by: Anon

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Gallery: Snarf

Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011

Name: Snarf
Location: Woodland, WA

Snarf is a meankitty

You thought you could escape me, but I tracked you down here to eke my revenge. Who has delusions now, human?

What makes Snarf so mean?

This is Snarf, the bio-polar seven toed mutant devil kitty! He is nice to you and rubs on your leg then suddenly turns and hisses and slaps you.

He has delusions of grandeur, wanting to be the neighborhood bully and going around picking on cats but ends up getting his butt whipped because his first owner had him declawed. Now he lives up in the hills on a farm-like atmosphere where he is the only kitty around and has no competition.

Submitted by: Desma

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Gallery: Squirt

Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011

Name: Squirt
Location: Where He’s Not Supposed To Be

squirt is a meankitty

Cuz I'm a COW-boy, bay-bay!

What makes Squirt so mean?

This is Squirt. His aliases include Squirtmaster J, Jimmy DumDum, and LittleMan. From his kittenhood he has demonstrated his own particular passion in life: Going Where He is Not Supposed to Be. This might include the top of the stove (even when in use), inside the refrigerator, inside the dresser behind the drawers, into the apartment building hallway, or on top of the kitchen cupboards. His ability to find new places that he is Not Supposed to Be has given rise to the “Legend Of Squirt”:

The Legend of Squirt

A train pulls into a small, dusty western town. Tumbleweeds roll by on the horizon and all is quiet. A shiny black and white stranger steps down from the train. He squints at the horizon and spits. Then he moseys over to the sleeping local cat on a nearby bench. He kicks him awake. Once he has the local cat’s attention, Squirt pushes his cowboy hat back on his head, shows his fangs for a moment and then says in a slow drawl, “Hello Stranger. I’m a new cat in town. Can you tell me where I’m Not Supposed to Be?” After receiving his answer from the terrified local he will immediately go wherever it is that he is Not Supposed to Be.

Mission accomplished, he gets back on the train.

Submitted by: Laura

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Cats: Sheba (2)

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

Name: Sheba (2)
Location: Irving, CA

Sheba is a meankitty

So many humans to control, so little time.

What makes Sheba so mean?

Hello, my name is Sheba. I was adopted from the Huntington Beach Humane Society 13 years ago. I live with my humans Jan (A.KA. Mom), Linn (Dad) and Adrian (the horrible kid).

While I am beautiful and quite regal, I will only take lap time with Mom. Dad is my protector, does litter pan duty and sometimes food duty. The kid is a nuisance that I’d sooner bite than let touch me. After all, no self respecting cat would allow herself to be (ugh!) hugged! And those friends of his are even worse.

In order to maintain control one must first hiss and then bite to get the point across.

Submitted by: Jan

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Gallery: Sheba

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

Name: Sheba
Location: Unknown

Sheba is a meankitty

Why not mock that crazy human slave on tv? She thinks our motivations are the same as DOGS!

What makes Sheba so mean?

Sheba is definitely a meankitty. She prides herself in pouncing on house guests from under covered tables, latching onto their ankles and teething.

I made fun of the pet psychic while watching her show on television one night, and Sheba jumped in my lap, looked me in the eye, and scratched my nose.

Never again will I mock the pet psychic.

Submitted by: Cynical Human

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Advice: Like, Wizzing Strays

Monday, February 21st, 2011

Dear Meankitty,

ok like hi i like your site but like my gran has like this problem with cats in that they keep like wizzing on her plants like and she now has barbed wire all over the garden. you got any advice for mher that wont resort in the whole family needing tetenus shots?

Signed,
Mistress Minx

***

Dear Minx,

Um. Like wow? I’d say, like, get some stray cat-pel or, like, something similar. You can find it at online vet, like, stores, as well as other places. Like, conversely, you could, like, adopt the biggest, meanest tom that’s wizzing in the garden and he’ll chase off the others.

Sincerely,
Meankitty

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