Archive for November, 2010

Advice: Display of Poo

Friday, November 26th, 2010

Dear Meankitty,

It is obvious that you are the epitome of meanness. Apparently, the cats who own me have been reading your postings regularly. Even the kitten!! Smudge has begun to do some very rude things around the house—behind the tv, under all the beds, next to the litter box, in front of the bathtub, IN the bathtub, and even once on the kitchen counter! I have tried putting his food dish away after he eats so he doesn’t get the runs and go indiscriminately. He objected very loudly, as did the rest of the bosses.

They are also very upset that a stray un-altered male has been marking territory on their front door. In order to discourage him, they have decided to use the entryway floor for an alternative litterbox. This makes the slaves and the landlady insane!!! It also smells bad. Short of adopting this other male who sprays all over the place and should NEVER be in the house (we tried, he hates it), what should we do?


Slaves to Cleo, Hobbes, and Smudge (And probably BJ if he has his way about it)

Dear Slaves,

You can put a litterbox in the entryway, which isn’t pretty but might help out with the “display of poo” problem. Sounds like you need to get the stray “altered”, too. Of course, it’s taken us so long to update our advice page your many cats have probably already taken care of this situation for you and BJ is ruling the roost. Or Smudge. It’s always the one you’d least expect. Either that or you’re the one living out on the porch now.


Letters: Not Like Tom

Thursday, November 25th, 2010

Dear Meankitty,

I’m not like the other tomcats! I’m not afraid of commitment. Look at how long I’ve been endorsing that cat food brand, 9 Lives. Talk about staying power. And my vast experience with the canned food industry has given me very sophisticated tastes. Honey, I could really wine and dine a sweet little thing like you.

So anyway, what do you say? And, um, hey. If Tom happens to drop by your window, don’t tell him I asked you out, okay?



Dear Morris,

You expect me to believe you’re THAT Morris? Come on. Get real.


Advice: Who Owns Who?

Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010

Dear Meankitty,

I have by far one of the most evil kitties I have ever met. Any time any one walks in the room, he hisses and growls. It’s almost as if he was scared. But I am pretty sure that’s not the case. I just have to wonder, did you teach him to be a meankitty? Because I would greatly be honored to have a cat that you taught to be mean. His name is Pooh (sometimes with no “H” if you get what I mean) and he is a medium hair brown tabby.

(P.S. LOVE the site!)

Proud Mean Kitty Owner


Dear Proud,

First, Pooh is miffed that you consider yourself an “owner” when any cat knows you’re nothing but a slave. I mean, who owns who in that relationship? Who buys the food? Goes off to work every day to earn the money? Cleans the house and the catbox? Gives pettings and treats? It sure as heck isn’t the cat.

Second, no, I didn’t teach Pooh because I’m not a qualified SOHC instructor, alas. They get good pay but they have to be able to travel. Which I can’t because I have yet to master doorknobs.


Advice: Licky the Dog

Monday, November 22nd, 2010

Dear Meankitty,

My name is Mufasa (I am a big orange long haired tabby) and I have a terrible problem. My slave brought home this big smelly male human about 8 years ago when I was just a wee kitty. I didn’t really pay him any “never you mind”, but I didn’t like him either. Since his arrival I have been…well you know…I cant even say it….the N word! I’ve also been moved all over the country and had to share my slave. I am very protective of her and he says that I stalk her!! HmMPH!! She was put here for me to lounge on, sleep next to and order around. That’s why I picked her! I knew she was a soft-hearted pushover cat-worshipper.

I have done all I can think of to rid my self of The Mean Man. I’ve peed on his clothes, hunted his socks to extinction, destroyed the majority of the expensive furniture he has bought, left scars on him, and ignored his relentless hounding and kitty bribes such as table food and catnip (ok! not the nip but I don’t acknowledge he exists afterwards). Now he has taken to LICKING my forehead! It is very hard to get rid of his scent! OHH will it ever cease? Please help! I am beside myself and have taken to riding on my slave’s shoulders to stay away from him! I am but a mere 17 lbs but my slave says I make her neck hurt. What else can I do??

Many catnip mouses to you,
Mufasa =^..^=


Dear Muf,

Put some poop on your forehead. Next time he licks it, you’ll have a really good laugh. And don’t feel bad for taking the nip. Accepting a bribe doesn’t mean you have to cooperate in any way, shape or form. It’s in the SOHC contract.


Advice: What’s Wrong with Biting?

Wednesday, November 17th, 2010

Dear Meankitty,

I enjoy sitting in my servant’s lap and purring, just to get them going, then I bite them! This really seems to bug them. Why? I’m just getting comfy, and then I get this urge to bite…what’s with this?

Pink-nosed-kitten (Queen of the house)


Dear Pink-nose,

Haven’t you heard the old nursery rhyme?

A kitten with a black nose jumps on the lumpy.
A kitten with a pink nose bites when she’s comfy.
A kitten with a white nose ignores when you ask her to stop biting,
But the kitten with my nose I love best of all.

This probably doesn’t help, but I had fun writing it.


Gallery: Tom and Miv

Wednesday, November 17th, 2010

Names: Tom and Miv
Location: Denmark

Tom and Miv fight

Back atcha!

What makes Tom & Miv so mean?

Tom is the grey cat and Miv is the black cat. They fight all the time, so I guess that makes them mean.

Still fighting

Actually, we're practicing for what we're going to do to the staff after they go to sleep.

Photo submitted by: Thomas

Meankitty’s Note: We’re pretty sure this isn’t “the” Tom, unless Tom and Miv have been fighting over Tom’s mad love for Meankitty.

Gallery: Tom

Tuesday, November 16th, 2010

Name: Tom
Location: Unknown

Tom is a meankitty

I'm in between Purring Fun Kitty and Maniacal Skin Shredder at the moment...can you tell?

What makes Tom so mean?

I think Tom is a mean kitty for these key reasons:

One: He runs away when you try and pet him.

Two: At night, He goes from Purring Fun Kitty to Maniacal Skin Shredder.

Tom is still mean

I got 'tude, baby, lots of 'tude.

Three: Even when he is purring, he will still bite you. It’s not even funny how hard he bites.

And of course, he meows at the top of the stairs quite frequently, especially at night, waking the household.

Photo submitted by: Ken

Meankitty’s Note: Could this the THE Tom who’s been emailing me kitty love notes? Who would win in a fight, this Tom or one of the Morrises?

Letters: How YOU Doin?

Monday, November 15th, 2010

Dear Meankitty,

Hi, it’s Morris again. You know, Morris, Tom’s friend? Well, I just wanted you to know we aren’t friends any more. We’ve had a falling out. I mean, the guy criticized my tail, man. You just don’t do that to a cat who’s supposed to be a buddy.

Anyway, I was just wondering if maybe you’d like to go for a drink of milk sometime? Since you don’t want anything to do with Tom, you’re single, right?

Your Fan Morris


Dear Morris,

I’m single, sleek, sexy and spayed! But then, that’s how you roving tomcats like ’em, isn’t it? No commitment, no kittens, no tuna sharing. No thanks!


Letters: Good Job!

Thursday, November 11th, 2010

Jody & Meankitty,

I just took a look at your website and enjoyed it. Love your Mean Kitty blog.

Rita at

Dear Rita,
Cats do prefer travelers who travel with their brains instead of their bodies, especially if the travel involves sitting in one place for a long time with an accessible lap. Should a lap be desired. Somehow, though, we don’t think that’s quite what you’re talking about :)
Meankitty & Typing Slave

Advice: Cat Jekyll

Wednesday, November 10th, 2010

Dear Meankitty,

I got your email address from online when I was searching for information about why my cat is so mean at times. Here is the story with my cat:

When I tell him no, after about 30 seconds he turns into “Jekyll” and he will lunge at me and bite me hard wherever his teeth may land. It has happened to my face even. I was afraid of my cat for about 5 years. He has mellowed a bit but when he is in a mood, he is downright mean. And what I don’t understand is, only about a minute or two after he has bitten me, he will jump into my lap purring.

I now have a 6 month old female (spayed) cat. They play together but I notice that he bites her too and I am afraid he will hurt her like he hurts me.

Can you give me some advice? Does my older cat need medication so his personality doesn’t snap like it does?



Dear CatBit,

Sounds like a human toddler! Pink Thing is currently in the “Don’t tell me no or you’ll regret it!” phase. Cats are smarter than humans give them credit for — well, Meankitty slaves know that already!

On the female cat, if you start finding actual wounds, worry about it then. Perhaps you can feed the female special growth hormone and she’ll get big enough to kick his kitty butt.