Archive for October, 2010

Gallery: Honey

Sunday, October 31st, 2010

Name: Honey
Location: West Yorkshire, England,
where he starred in A Rather Small Werewolf in Yorkshire

Honey isn't a honey

I am NOT constantly annoyed. I'm quite mellow when there's no humans there to see it.

What makes Honey so mean?

Don’t let the name ‘Honey’ deceive you into thinking he’s all sweet and innocent. Honey’s a 5 year old ginger tom that we bought from our local pet shop. He’s constantly annoyed with everyone and anything. He’s attacked the milk man, he’s chased a Great Dane away, he’s bit anyone who’s shadow was unfortunate enough to go near him.

Honey Wolf

This shot is me doing my awesome Lon Chaney impression. You like?

But, apart from his flaws, he can be quite ‘sweet’ every blue moon and I wouldn’t change him for the world.

Photo submitted by: Saara

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Gallery: Knickknack

Saturday, October 30th, 2010

Name: Knickknack
Location: San Francisco, CA

Knickknack

Whew, it takes forever to get off the slime in my fur from carving this thing!

What makes Knickknack so mean?

Be on the lookout for Knickknack, shown here in a rare innocent moment. In actuality, she is a cold-blooded hunter, often caught red-pawed. Stalks hapless prey outdoors and brings them inside for the kill. Known victims include a dozen birds, four mice, a slug, a tiny snake and countless dragonflies. Eats evidence, except feathers and miscellaneous body parts, including one (?) foot from a dove. Should be considered clawed and dangerous.

Photo submitted by: Jim

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Gallery: No Kitty Ow Kitty

Saturday, October 30th, 2010

Name: No Kitty Ow Kitty
Location: House of M

No Kitty

There are reflections of my beautiful face in your eyeball. I think I'll attack it!

What makes No Kitty Ow Kitty so mean?

Kitty is a mean kitty for so many reasons. We got Kitty to be a playmate for the 100 lb slobber machine that is our lab. He was lonely and the small children who live here off and on just weren’t cutting it. We figured if we got a kitten, then Kitty and dog could be great friends. WRONG. It took three whole days after we brought her home just to make her stop hissing and spitting and biting everyone. Within two weeks, (at 8 weeks old) she had fully taken control of our house. Kitty is four and a half months old now and here is her mean list.

1) She waits around the corner for the dog and when he passes by, she jumps on his face all claws and teeth.
2) Pursuant to the above, she makes the dog leave his food bowl whenever she desires to inspect it
3) When the dog wants to sleep somewhere that is not his crate, she creep s upon him and make mincemeat of his most tender places.
4) When he is frustrated with all the previously described behavior and resorts to chewing his rawhide or blankie, she torments him by biting and clawing at them as well until he gives up and goes after her…at which time he gets put into crate — “time out.”
5) This one is just strange. She will not drink from her own water bowl and will wait until AFTER the dog has thoroughly drooled up his own water before she will drink from his.

No Kitty OW!

Mmmmmm, tender loin.

And lest you believe we are dog loving fools…the human list.

1) She has discovered she can fly and will regularly propel herself from one chair back to the other, taking care to anchor herself to the skull of the second chair’s occupant. Screaming and cursing do not bother her.
2) Whenever long hair is presented to her, she will climb it, eat it, pull it. Once again, screaming, cursing, and violent jerking of the head do not disturb her in the least.
3) I don’t think I even need to go into detail about the requisite Meankitty biting, kicking, and scratching.
4) She has decided that she MUST be in whatever room I am in. If I do not allow her to follow me, she will stand and scream until I let her in (at which point I must dig her out of whatever hidey-hole she has found, at great peril to my flesh) or go back to where I was originally.
5) Last, but certainly not least, she has discovered her most emotionally scarring trick. She will lie in a seemingly docile pose upon your chest as you watch television, and when the reflection from the TV on your eyeball becomes too much for her, she will poke you directly ON THE EYE. You cannot blink or move your head fast enough. Trust me. She did it twice, in both eyes, in five minutes.

I used to read the kitty profiles on this website and think that these were strange and isolated cases. Now I know how very wrong I was.

P.S. Though there have been many suggestions for a proper name for Kitty. My favorite so far is “Darth Vicious.”

Photo submitted by: Danette

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Advice: Hurt Worser

Friday, October 29th, 2010

Dear Meankitty,

Do cat bites hurt worser than dog bites?

Sincerely,
Bleedin’

***

Dear Bleedin’,

It depends.

Sincerely,
Meankitty

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Gallery: Herby

Friday, October 29th, 2010

Name: Herby
Location: Atlanta, GA

Herby the meankitty

Who, me jump off balconies? Nevah!

What makes Herby so mean?

Where do I begin? Just to hit the high points… When Herby was a baby, he was more obnoxious than the 100 other cats I have had in my life. I would get home from work and he would leap at me and climb up my panty hose on my leg! He would also do this to any guest that walked in my house. Pants, panty hose… Whatever the wardrobe! People SERIOUSLY hated coming to my house because of him.

As he got older, he seemed like he would do things to spite me. After jumping off my 4th story balcony, he was not allowed out there any more. He was climbing the Christmas Tree and broke his leg! He would climb on the counters and tables, wherever there might be a drink sitting, and wait until I saw him next to it. Then he would paw it off the counter all over the floor.

Herby for Halloween

As soon as you turn your back, I'm dropping this pumpkin on the mailman.

Then he decided his toys were not amusing enough. So he began the great habit of climbing up the DOOR FRAMES! I literally have claw marks up and down my door frames. He would climb up then shriek his claws down the sides. After 2.5 years of this, I let him on my balcony again. (This time, 2nd story.) He would jump off and run away for days at a time. Finally I discovered he was going to my neighbor’s house. She claims he is the sweetest most gentle loving cat ever!

Photo submitted by: Shana

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Gallery: Chloe the Destroyer

Friday, October 29th, 2010

Name: Chloe the Destroyer
Location: Arkansas

Chloe the Destroyer

Yes, soon the universe will be one giant hairball.

What makes Chloe so mean?

Chloe was an unassuming gentle and furry kitten soul until she discovered that she actually ruled the universe! Chloe is the manifest kitten form of Shiva, the Indian deity of destruction. Look deep into her eyes and lose the will to think.. be one of us, one of us, one of us….. She is bent on devouring the universe itself and belching it forth in a regurgitated version of her own devising. MWahahahahahahahahh!

Photo submitted by: Sillyperson

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Advice: Dominance

Thursday, October 28th, 2010

Dear Meankitty,

This is an open letter to people owned by mean kitties. You neglected to establish dominant rank in your house. I learned to ‘mimic’ a few useful phrases in ‘Cat’. The low growl used for all discipline of a higher ranking [Gran Dame-Matriarch] female. I can growl rather loud and low. Neighbor’s cat isn’t sure how big the cat next door is, but it’s a BIG Growly thing. When one of my cats commits a no-no, all I have to do is call the offenders name and growl then the convicted walks off to find a very quiet spot out of view. I have 4 companions, a brother-sister pair of black cats, a grey tabby, and an orange tabby fluff-ball. I received each of them at different times and ages. Fighting/wrestling and chase re-enactments are not allowed on the bed. When that rule is forgotten, big growly noise is made. A few moments later the entire troupe is returning to cuddle, nicely this time.

Hope this helps one or two. To love a cat is to always love a mystery. Good luck with your mean kitties.

Signed,
Gran Dame

***

Dear Dame,

Growling, huh? I hate to tell you this, but it works because your cats run away to laugh their butts off at you! But hey, it works, so who cares, right?

Signed,
Meankitty the Buttless

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Gallery: Attila

Thursday, October 28th, 2010

Name: Attila
Location: Hun Ville

Attila faking it

If you insist on taking photos of me when I'm asleep, at least make sure my whiskers are smooth first.

What makes Attila so mean?

My name is Attila. I’m a 12 year old female retired mean kitty. I say retired because it seems that all I like to do these days is eat and sleep. Every once in a while, I’ll still launch an attack on my mom & dad, but most of the time, I like to have my head and tummy rubbed.

Attila

Attila 2005: Awake and ready to attack!

Photo submitted by: Laurie

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Advice: Outdoor Nuisance

Wednesday, October 27th, 2010

Dear Meankitty,

Is there any way I can get a stray outdoor cat from coming on my deck and upsetting my indoor cat?

Signed,
Diane

***

Dear Diane,

We’d suggest putting a glass bubble over the deck, but it wouldn’t be practical and would probably get totally trashed by bird poo. Alternately, you could humanely trap the stray and take it to a shelter, if your cat gets THAT upset. Me and my housemates like to yell at strays. It adds excitement to our otherwise humdrum lives. I mean, unless that stray is TOM, which isn’t exciting so much as it is a case for a kitty restraining order, the freak.

Sincerely,
Meankitty

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Gallery: Psycho Lovebug

Wednesday, October 27th, 2010

Name: Psycho Lovebug
Location: San Antonio, TX

Psycho Kitty

If they'd keep a roll of this beside my catpan, I wouldn't have to come all the way in here to wipe my bum.

What makes Psycho so mean?

Please find attached a photo of my kitty Psycho Lovebug, Queen of the Elsmere, who is a Meankitty in recovery. Psycho Lovebug had been abandoned at an apartment I moved into a few years ago, and her brand-new litter of babies had all died. (See, some kitties DO have reasons to be mean. I mean, OTHER than just ’cause they want to.)

She clearly wanted to be loved and petted, but at random (short) intervals, she’d sink her teeth and all 493 very sharp claws into flesh. She was the kind of kitty you couldn’t play the wiggly-fingers-under-the-sheet game with, because she’d consider the wiggly-sheet-lump for two seconds and then remove your arm above the elbow. She is not one to fool around with half-arse solutions, no sir.

But with love, patience, and loads of antibacterial ointment, now she only bites me when I really have it coming, like when I tell people she’s getting soft. But she still has no mercy on toilet paper or newspapers or phone books. I try real hard to point her to inanimate objects to vent her dental aggression. All you intractable Meankitties mock her at your peril.

Photo submitted by: L.

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