Archive for July, 2010

Advice: Lover, Not Fighter

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

Dear Meankitty,

I just have to warn you. Just because D is fixed doesn’t mean he and Meankitty aren’t going to try “it” with you. My Toby and Belle are fixed (at least the vet bill says so), but Toby is convinced he can still do it. Belle is the (lucky? unlucky?) recipient of his attentions. All done in slow motion because Toby really doesn’t know what he’s doing. Is there anything I can do to stop this mad lovin’?

Signed,
Kelliecats in the House of Love

***

Dear Kelliecats,

Now that D is grown into a huge chunk of annoying feline, he, too, thinks he is more of a stud than a dud. My typing slave got out this fuzzy throw which, incidentally, has a leopard on it, and D’s amorous attentions are captivated solely by the blankie. To entice Toby, get a WASHABLE blanket of similar fuzziness to Belle and leave it around in strategic places. For added incentive you can sprinkle catnip on it.

Signed,
Meankitty

Note: Since this advice was first written, D has continued to … do that thing he does so well. The blanket and others like it are still his special friends, though.

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Gallery: Sabrina

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

Name: Sabrina
Location: NYC

Sabrina is a Meankitty

What, me a kitten? I can do SO MUCH more damage.

What makes Sabrina so mean?

Sabrina is a mean little kitty. When she isn’t walking around the house giving dirty looks to people, she’s starting trouble somewhere. She loves to sit on the kitchen table when she knows she isn’t supposed to. The reason she does this, is to keep her eyes on the parakeets in the cage on top of the refrigerator.

When I’m sleeping, she enjoys attacking my feet. I wake up at all hours of the night with her claws in my ankles. Sometimes I wake up and she’s just sitting next to my head staring at me…..which I find a little odd.

Actually, Sabrina is still a kitten and I get a kick out of her playfulness. She’s worse than a child at times!

Photo submitted by: Rene Cina

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Gallery: Rafikki

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

Name: Rafikki
Location: Dunno

Rafikki the Meankitty

Secretly, at night, the dog and I are BFF but I maintain my ferocity to stay in the SOHC.

What makes Raf so mean?

I have a cat. His name is Rafikki, He is fine with other animals EXCEPT THE DOG!!!

Rafikki does not back down. He will run up to the dog and attack him for no reason. He gets the dog good because the dog is now afraid of the cat. This is no joke. The cat will not back down–he has even got me a couple times, and I have the battle scars to prove it The scars are usually from when I try to get him away from the dog so I can take the dog out!

Photo submitted by: Jessica

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Advice: Born to be Wild

Tuesday, July 27th, 2010

Dear Meankitty,

We recently brought a wild cat into our home, fixed him, declawed his front paws, and kept him inside. He loved it, until today….he got outside in the snow and sprinted off. Now he is in a big drain pipe and won’t come out for food or anything. What should we do? We don’t want to lose him. He’s really a very loving cat and he loved being inside.

Signed,
Jessie

***

Dear Jessie,

Ah, the allure of the great outdoors! Cats are Born to be Wi-i-ild, you know. Although they would be best advised not to head out on the highway, there are many who indeed concentrate on looking for adventure and whatever comes their way. One suggestion for luring your wild cat back into his pampered pad is to let him get a little hungrier then waft the smell of tuna down the drainpipe. Mmmmm, tuna. Of course when I was being a Kitty Houdini, the only thing that brought ME back to the pen was the neighbor. Good luck.

Signed,
Meankitty

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Advice: Baby Scratcher

Monday, July 26th, 2010

[Please note: This advice was written when Pink Thing and/or Loud Thing were much smaller. There is no actual baby in Meankitty's house right now.]

Dear Meankitty,

My brother has this cat who never is nice and who always scratches everyone who walks by. They also just found out they are going to have a baby, and for sure the cat will scratch the baby. Any advice?? Was he tormented as a kitten maybe?

Signed,
Jen

***

Dear Jen,

Cats rule. Babies drool. One of those stupid pink things has moved into my house these days, taking up my lap space and cutting into my belly time. At least it hasn’t started to eat my food yet; then things are going to get ugly.

I do have to give my human typing slave credit. She hasn’t acted like the pink thing is off limits so D and I aren’t totally jealous and seeking revenge. In fact, D has been known to join in on diaper changes. Yet at the same time she doesn’t leave the pink thing alone in the same room as D all that much (D is the only worry; I’m harmless hehehe). You can even buy netted lids for the crib to keep cats out, though I think that’s cruel because playing in the crib is one of the few benefits to the pink thing being here.

Signed,
Meankitty

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Advice: Mellow My Kitty

Saturday, July 24th, 2010

Dear Meankitty,

My kitty is EVIL… she attacks your legs when you walk by and you can pet her for all of 5 seconds before she bites or scratches you. She is almost 10 months old. How can I get her to be a bit more mellow???

Signed,
Angie

***

Dear Angie,

Mellow? Who wants a mellow cat? Meankitty advises that you wear thicker denim jeans or perhaps chaps. Either that, or keep her hopped up on catnip so that she spends her time alternately chasing imaginary bugs on the wall or sleeping it off.

You might also be interested to know that one of the requirements for new cats to fulfill in order to get into the highly esteemed SOHC (Society of House Cats) is random damage and destruction on their humans. Some cats go that route, some go the random damage and destruction on their humans’ possessions route, and some do both. There are other ways to get into SOHC, but this is one of the more time-honored and traditional methods. I myself chose the path less traveled, the one of “random acts of weirdness and running about”, in order to obtain my membership. I was also required to learn to climb a doorframe and levitate in mid-air, so this route is only for the very determined.

Signed,
Meankitty

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Advice: Screen Ripper

Friday, July 23rd, 2010

My cat won't stop scratching or hanging on the door. She keeps pulling the screen off and I get in trouble for it. What should I do?

Signed,
Door Killer's Owner

***

Dear Killer,

Meankitties like screens because they know they can make holes in them. You should see the work I've done on the screen beside *MY* favorite window! It looks like some stupid human shot buckshot through it, but it's all my doing. However, we don't want meankitty's slaves to get in trouble and have to give the meankitties away, so I'll offer you a bit of advice. Duct tape will hold just about anything in place, so you can put it all over the edges of the screen to keep it in the door. Plus, it looks great and comes in many colors.

And as for keeping your cat's claws out of the screen? There are many cat-centered catalogues and sites which make products you can use to protect your screens. Some are like giant pieces of tape and some are more substantial. There is screen that is supposedly pet claw proof at hardware stores. Lastly, there is also a product called Sticky Paws at your local PetSmart. But then, duct tape might work for this, too.

Signed,
Meankitty

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Advice: Parasites!

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

Dear Meankitty,

We have a new kitten who has every parasite known to man plus a few. Can humans catch kitty worms and bugs? Should we be worried, because the kitten needs a lot of cleaning up after and we have to do it.

Signed,
Washin’ Hands

***

Dear Washin’,

I sincerely hope you are getting your kitten treated by a good vet, for starters. I mean, we meankitties hate vets and tend to bite them at any given opportunity, but we do realize the necessity. And yes, you can catch parasites from kitty — giardia, in particular. My advice is don’t clean up after one of kitty’s unfortunate messes and then eat finger food.

Signed,
Meankitty

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Advice: Websites

Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

Dear Meankitty,

Your site rocks! Can I get some advice from you on building my own site?

Signed,
Websurfer Guy

***

Dear Guy,

Sure! I’ve been told that if you put cats on it and a link to www.meankitty.com, your site will be much higher quality.

Signed,
Meankitty

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Gallery: Dutchess

Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

Name: Dutchess
Location: Unknown

Dutchess the Meankitty

Don't mind me, I'm masquerading as a dust mop.

What makes Dutchess so mean?

Dutchess is mean because, well there is no real reason. She just is. She gets everything a kitty needs–love, food, toys, you name it, she has got it. But she will only show her appreciation when she wants something else. The rest of the time she either ignores us or makes faces like this.

Photo submitted by: Nathan

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